| "What He Wants" Reviews/Comments [ 9 ] |
Reviewed By: chue916 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 25, 2006 01:22 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
What happens next? Please write more on this story.
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Reviewed By: Anote On: September 14, 2005 18:27 CDT
Comment/Review:
I just wanted to say I really like your story. I have been trying to find fanfic about these two as princes and haven't had much luck until now. Keep writing. I can't wait until you update.
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Title: A Real Critique
Reviewed By: hostilecrayon [MediaMiner Member] On: July 15, 2005 02:49 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
First off, you need some Beta Readers - badly. Inquire on the MM forums. Now, this fic has a semi-interesting idea behind it, but it's so poorly conveyed, I can barely make out what's going on. The characters seem to lean in and out of character, which is very distracting. You don't need to tell us who's point of view you're writing in; we should be able to figure it out by the text. Also, you don't need to tell us it's a flashback. Put the memory into italics, and it'll be pretty obvious. Your style is very jumpy and it really stifles the fic. There are a number of small gramatical errors that I won't point out here, but should be caught by betas. My advice? Get this Beta'd NOW. Get all future chapters beta'd before they are put up. This is very important. Stop writing in first person. Seriously. It's a very difficult perspective to write from, and it's just not working out. Also, you can't jump from first person to third person, as you went from Akira to narrator. Never do that. Either write it all from a narrator's perspective, or write it all from the character's perspective. This is an interesting concept, and I'm somewhat interested in the plot, but the things I pointed out and also some things I didn't keep me from getting any enjoyment from this at all. Seriously, work with a beta. I don't know if English is your first language or not, but you really need to work on your sentance structure and grammar or get a few betas. But don't look at me. I don't beta.
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Title: wow
Reviewed By: Bombayoni [MediaMiner Member] On: July 09, 2005 18:50 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is the first Hikaru no Go story I've read, and Ill try to keep reading it... please continue
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Title: More PLEASE?!
Reviewed By: Dragone On: November 12, 2004 11:56 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
Really good so far! ^.^ Please keep writing this fic and just don't leave it! I want to know how their first encounter goes! How will they react towards one another the first time they see each other(Hikaru and Akira)! Well take care! .ag. BTW! Will you e-mail me if you DO update?! PLEASE! Here is my e-mail: noali_03@sbcglobal.net Thanx!
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Reviewed By: Millomar On: September 11, 2004 22:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
Kawaii! Hikaru is really cute, ne?
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Title: Hello again!
Reviewed By: A Friend On: September 03, 2004 18:54 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hello again. I was just wondering when are you going to update? Please continue your story i realll y like it and want to read more.
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Reviewed By: DemonandGoddess [MediaMiner Member] On: August 24, 2004 01:00 CDT
Comment/Review:
Interesting. Please update soon.
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Reviewed By: A Friend On: August 22, 2004 19:25 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hello I really like your story so far. Please continue it. I know how you feel you want people to review so you know they are reading it. Well I will read it cause i like it and it is on fanfiction to isn't it? Well Please update. I like this type of story it is unique.
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