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| "Learning my way..." Reviews/Comments [ 41 ] | | Pages (3): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 › » ] | Reviewed By: Snowecat29 On: April 17, 2005 12:20 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow, it's been a while since this was updated. It's so good to see that it has. Poor Mariko, hope she recovers. Looking forward to the next update.
| Reviewed By: wolf lover On: April 16, 2005 16:20 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
this is so good please continue i cant wait to find out what happens
| Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: Sari-15 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 31, 2005 22:51 CST
Comment/Review:
I'm not one to go after grammar, that isn't my specialty, unless something is obvious. On that note, there is a basic thing that all writers have to master. "The Art of Show Not Tell" Quote Keitaro wasn't even sure if he was technically a hanyou, being the son of one, but it didn't really matter. He was still faster, stronger and more powerful than any human. His hair was black, unlike Inuyasha's, but Keitaro was still his father's son and had inherited almost all of Inuyasha's youkai traits. He had inherited his mother's kindness and her generosity. This is just an example in the first chapter of your description of Keitaro. That entire paragraph was 'telling' about your character and his background. 'Showing' is something that all authors work on to get better with.Show us the youkai skills he's got from his father, have him dig his claws into his hands outta frustration, leap from rooftop to rooftop home (which you did do later)glare with his golden eyes, brush his black hair from his face. Other than that your writing is good.Keep writing!
| Title: F.F.A.R.G.
Reviewed By: roku kyu [MediaMiner Member] On: March 20, 2005 03:16 CST
Comment/Review:
I was very impressed with this story. Your writing improves with every chapter, your characterizations are vivid and gripping, and your action sequences are particularly effective--detailed enough to take the reader into the scene but not so detailed that it slows the action down. I particularly appreciate your description in this passage: --...as the roaring of his youkai blood took over, a soundless rush in his mind as his instincts rose to the forefront and his conscience was pushed aside. -- Nicely done! However, you did ask for us to "tear it apart," soooo... ^ ^ I can only nitpick, but nitpick I shall! In the first two chapters, you have a tendency to switch POV several times in a single scene in an attempt to tell what all of the characters are thinking. This feels jarring and jumpy to the reader. However, I hadn't noticed this problem in your later chapters, so perhaps you have already corrected it. The other problem is, well, difficult in that it plays a major role in the plot. But the human-female-in-heat-irresistible-to-male-demons is not only a bit cliched in fanfics, but also illogical. I mean, considering the greater physical strength of youkai, one would expect constant attacks on all villages in search of ovulating women, thus producing a massive overpopulation of hanyous. However, few people are as logic-crazy as I am, so don't worry. Your talent for weaving a fun and entertaining tale is considerable. Keep having fun, and keep writing!
| Title: FFARG
Reviewed By: Broken Visage [MediaMiner Member] On: March 19, 2005 23:27 CST
Comment/Review:
The prologue is so sad, even though I don't really know the Inuyasha characters. You captured the feeling of such a situation pretty well. I couldn't see much in the way of spelling/grammar errors, though you should have a period after the ellipses when they're at the end of a sentence. That goes for the first chapter, as well, which I also read. If it weren't for the prologue, the first chapter would seem like the typical high school fic, but you write it well enough to pull critics of such fiction through it. I've enjoyed the prologue and chapter one and I'm a little at a loss for negatives to point out, though a little more in the way of description wouldn't hurt. It could be that I'm just overlooking them, but you have a great grasp of grammar and a good style. I do wish I could leave a bit more of a substantial critique, but it's a little hard with this piece, at least through the first chapter. Thanks for submitting to FFARG.
| Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: March 17, 2005 20:42 CST
Comment/Review:
Hi! Just wanted to leave a quick review for you! I read your fic awhile back and didn't get a chance to review it then. I found your story idea to be interesting and innovative. I liked the setup and the attention to the characters overall. I found it to be quite a unique twist on what might otherwise be considered another high school fic (at least at the beginning). I did, however, feel that your story could benefit from a little more detail to alleviate a minor amount of choppiness here and there. Good job, and thanks for sharing your story!
| Title: Mockingbirdflyaway1
Reviewed By: Mockingbirdflyaway [MediaMiner Member] On: March 16, 2005 20:34 CST
Comment/Review:
NOTICE TO ALL REVIEWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been diagnosed with Carpal tunnel syndrome, and for the most part, my hands are out of commission :(. I have to take a long break from typing, so I won't be able to update for the next month or so at least. Sorry guys.... ~Janna Lynn
| Reviewed By: Kyonarai(nsi) On: February 21, 2005 21:31 CST
Comment/Review:
Another good chapter, poor keitaro, that must have been awefull for him... But, as you said, all things happen for a reason.
| Reviewed By: Kyonarai [MediaMiner Member] On: February 07, 2005 16:19 CST
Comment/Review:
This is a great story, but I wish you would update a little more often. But no rush, its always worth while when you do update so I'm fine. I'm actually surprized this doesn't have more reviews, it really should. Oh well, the other people don't know what they are missing!
| Reviewed By: Marva [MediaMiner Member] On: February 06, 2005 23:21 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
*claps* WOOT! XD XD I like it lots! XD What's with Souten? I liked her, sort of, at first, just until her look changed when she noticed the Jewel.... *twitch* Thats set off warning bells..... -_- I dont like her at all now.... *prods evil deamoness* Nasty thing... >_< It's interesting about the tension between Shippo and her... Sounds like they've had some sort of...pervert-Shippo like relationship in the past, or at least that's what I think... ;) XD But good job, and wonderful nice long update! XD *hands you a big cookie for updating* Nice fic! XD *hopes foolish human girl doesnt get herself killed by that nasty character when she goes to talk to her* (And BTW, I Loved that last line, the one that Shippo said... XD XD XD Good job! XD XD)
| Reviewed By: inujade On: February 06, 2005 23:11 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
wow, i really like ur story, keep it up and update soon. very very soon.
| Reviewed By: Mockingbirdflyaway1 On: February 04, 2005 19:02 CST
Comment/Review:
Stefini, since your not leaving an e-mail for me to contact you with, I'll leave a review on my own story :P Chapter 10 is in the hands of my editor. He's had it for a week and I'm going to start yelling at him about it now. It should be up by Sunday or Monday, mmm'kay?
| Reviewed By: Stefini On: February 04, 2005 18:44 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
YOU NEED TO UPDATE I HAVE BEEN CHECKING THIS STORY FOR OVER A MONTH!!!!
| Title: I like it! XD
Reviewed By: Marva [MediaMiner Member] On: January 28, 2005 23:05 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Yikes! O_O0 Who's this woman? Like a water-related-animal deamon or something? ^^0 ;) I like this a lot! XD Exepte for Shippou..he's evil. -_- XP Why'd you have to make him evil? :( And how is Shippou in two places at once? Is the 'older Shippou' him after he's lived all the way to their time right now? So he's gone forward in time the hard way? ^^0 I rather hope so, cause the Younger Shippou is really sick! XP I want to tear of his tail myself, right now... ~_~ But cool fic! XD XD I just have one warning: Bewere of Mary Sue's, and Gary Stu's! ;) XD You're not terribly close to it yet...but Keitaro's getting the Miko powers, or whatever they are set off warning bells... ~_~ Watch out with that! ^_^ And one more thing...: Before you said he was 17, like three years later, and then later, when he's brushing Mariko's hair out of her face and looking at everyones auras (I think), then he says it's only been 7 months... >_< Pick a time! ^_~ Rocky cool fic though! XD XD Love it! *waits for updates and grins*
amp;! | Reviewed By: Zelix [MediaMiner Member] On: January 28, 2005 07:57 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I've always wondered what this fic was all aboút, since the idea sounded so similar to one of my own stories, "Time Soul Exodus"... though the ideas and characters are not the same, the basic idea is... how fascinating, would you like to compare? My two fics about a similar subject like this one are: "Loneliness of the Free Wind": One-shot "Time Soul Exodus": Sequel to Loneliness of the Free Wind, original category. See ya, this is interesting.
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