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| "A New Threat To Spira" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Title: Chapter 4
Reviewed By: The Immortal Shadows [MediaMiner Member] On: December 17, 2004 11:53 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Excellent chapter, my friend. The best I've seen from you yet, in fact. There is an tremendous balance between the description and dialogue which really makes everything seem all the more lifelike. Well done. Let's see... criticism... alright, I do have one issue, I suppose. While not as bad as many of the gaming fics I've read, you do seem to rely on awful lot on the items from the game. The gridsphere, I can understand - heck, you did a great job with that! The only problem I really had was all the potions and stuff people kept pulling out. Yeah, you need healing sometimes, but it seemed a little excessive from my point of view. Still, a great chapter. This will be my last review here, though, before I attempt my other account at ff.net. Let's see if they'll let me leave reviews... I still owe you one for your Ranma fic, I believe... The Shadows
[ Request Review Removal ] | Title: Chapter 3
Reviewed By: The Immortal Shadows [MediaMiner Member] On: December 17, 2004 10:04 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Another excellent chapter, setting things up for where they are to go from here. Nice to see you didn't try to cut it down to three people, either. Good touch. The dialogue was great in this chapter - better than I've ever seen from you, actually. Sadly, however, the description of people and events wasn't on par with your usual best. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I'm just trying to help. All in all, a better balance between the two is what you are aiming for - readers like to see and hear things. With description, we can see, and dialogue lets us hear. Still, good chapter. Onto the next one, now. Until the sun sets upon a broken world... The Shadows
[ Request Review Removal ] | Title: Chapter Two
Reviewed By: The Immortal Shadows [MediaMiner Member] On: December 17, 2004 09:50 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I guess I should put a title in these reviews, to say which chapter, right? I didn't realise they didn't do that on their own... Anyway, great chapter. Nice to see them finally pull it all together - and Rikku tripping on her dress was great comic relief. You also had an excellent blend on description and dialogue, which made this chapter overall better (despite the lower rating). Ah, the rating. Well, the style is better, as I said. It did seem like you skipped over a large part of the wedding, though - I'd have liked to see just what a Spiran wedding involved. Spelling and grammar was a bit off, however. There were several times when extra spaces cropped up in the middle of words, making me do a double take. Just so you know. The originality took a hit, too, simply because of the lack of seeing the wedding - though Paine's insight was a nice touch. Anyway, nice chapter. I sent off the translations, btw, hope they work for you. Later. Until the sun sets upon a broken world... The Shadows
[ Request Review Removal ] | Reviewed By: The Immortal Shadows [MediaMiner Member] On: December 17, 2004 08:50 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hmm... for the first review I've left at this site, let's see what I can do with it. I'll explain the ratings, I suppose. For style, I gave a seven. You've got excellent description - above and beyond what many people manage - but it can bog things down if there is too much without a counter balance. Dialog, thoughts (which you use, but seeing some of the agency people's thoughts could break it up more), that sort of thing. Especially during the change in weather, there has to be a reaction there after the way you explained how people saw it before. Otherwise, not much to say about this chapter. You've got me curious, and I'll read more to see more. Oh, and I've almost finished with those translations now. Just the last two left. . Until the sun sets upon a broken world... The Shadows
[ Request Review Removal ] | Title: No Complaints
Reviewed By: devildice708 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 04, 2004 11:11 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Good work. No complaints...
[ Request Review Removal ] |
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