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| "Mixed Essence" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: InuYasha's Bitch On: May 13, 2005 01:03 CDT
Comment/Review:
Verb tenses keep switching. Don't keep switching from first person to third person Give more background detail; don't just jump into the story right in the middle of it, assuming that the reader knows what you are talking about. Example: She felt where she was pinned to the tree, this seems to imply that she had an emotional response to that place, I think what you meant was that she physically touched the tree with her hand. Your writing seems to be very redundant. You repeat yourself quite a lot throughout the story. And, please, for the love of gracious, do not use the words "welcoming place" to describe her vagina. Even pussy is better than 'welcoming place.' All I can see is a vision of a welcoming matt sitting outside of Kagome's vagina. It's not anything but a hilarious vision... Other than what was mentioned above, the concept is good, and the ideas enjoyable, but you need to work on your writing or at least get someone to revise your writing before posting it. There are groups available that can give you 'beta readers' (i.e. someone to help you fix the mistakes in your work).
| Title: WHATTHWFUCK!!?!
Reviewed By: Dragonlady2000_15 On: February 25, 2005 21:12 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 2 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
Yor story needs to grow up a bit, it sounds like it was ritten by a 12 year old sorry to say. But its content was good, but whats the dito about the smushed letering? I mean the gramor was bad but thisstoryneedshelp is hard to read like this huh! But majorly this is the rong thing to say during sex, Im mean MAJOR TURN OFF! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Kikyo came to me to ask if I was going to die with her, or stay with you. I choseyoubecauseI love you, Kagome" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sorry read more fanfik and try agean.
| Reviewed By: MagicGirl On: October 08, 2004 16:10 CDT
Comment/Review:
You've got a lot of spelling and grammer errors all over the place, fix that first, other than that, great!!!
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