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| "Fruit of the Tree" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: devildice708 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 10, 2005 20:04 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting this to FFARG. As a slight fan of Card Captor Sakura, I rather enjoyed this. You have a good writing style and flows just right for me. Aside from a few spelling and grammar errors, my only gripe is the'@*@*@*@*@' and the words you try and put emphasis on. 'THAT' could just be 'that'. Back to the other problem I saw...whenever someone uses '****' or this '@*@*@*@*@*', I get the impression that the scene is about to change, but when I read it, it really didn't change the scene, except for the 'dream'. If the scenery isn't going to change that dramatically, then there's no need for those indicators. Other than those things, I enjoyed this story. I hope you decide to continue with the story. Once again, thanks for submitting this to FFARG.
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Lord Archive [MediaMiner Member] On: May 03, 2005 06:36 CDT
Comment/Review:
A nice, purposefully confusing, beginning of a stroy. We may have some idea of what's going on by chapter two, yet much remains clouded to be revealed later. I would comment on the jumping point of views, but this is one story where it works to reveal things little by little. It is nice to see Sakura acting mostly in character, even as the setting of her world shifts to that of X. Tossing in random Japanese words that have English equivalent should be avoided. If I wasn't such a fan of CCS, I would be clueless as to what Touya said to Sakura. Which is a bad thing to do to readers, confusing them over things that they're supposed to understand. I'll be checking back on this to see how this story unfolds.
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