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| "Bisexual Bordello" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Title: Dictionary.com is your friend.
Reviewed By: White_Winged_Atlantian [MediaMiner Member] On: May 01, 2006 21:00 CDT
Comment/Review:
Bemused adj 1: deeply absorbed in thought; "as distant and bemused as a professor listening to the prattling of his freshman class"; "lost in thought"; "a preoccupied frown" [syn: deep in thought(p), lost(p), preoccupied] 2: perplexed by many conflicting situations or statements; filled with bewilderment; "obviously bemused by his questions"; "bewildered and confused"; "a cloudy and confounded philosopher"; "just a mixed-up kid"; "she felt lost on the first day of school" [syn: baffled, befuddled, bewildered, confounded, confused, lost, mazed, mixed-up, at sea] More or less you should think of explaining more, people don't know what you're thinking and they can't really tell what's in your head.
| Reviewed By: Lord Aaron [MediaMiner Member] On: April 16, 2006 00:07 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I think you have great style. Keep up the excellent work, I'm looking forward to more chapters.
| Title: Testing
Reviewed By: Cliodhna Glen [MediaMiner Member] On: December 08, 2005 11:25 CST
Comment/Review:
I'm testing this for a friend. This isn't meant to spam my reviews or anything.
| Title: FFARG Review Chapter 3
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: May 09, 2005 13:15 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ok that was fun! You have done a very good job of developing your characters and despite my initial misgivings about the naming scheme it makes sense. There are few things I think would make this story a little better, the first is a slight incorporation of things that are more cutting edge right now -- the trash for example. You have a few things like that, the biodiesel car for one, but you need a few more elements to give it a "not so distant future feel" to it rather than something that I can see in the next five years. I also agree with Roku that Rick was very quick to accept Caribbean. For me, it was more of the time between his wife's death and this encounter, than the homosexuality. I think a little more hesitancy would be good. Along that vein, I love Serenity's reaction to the mental image thing. I don't want to think about my parents having sex -- and I was amused to see her react the same way. It made her more human. In fact, all of the characters that you have introduced are very well rounded. Which I have to applaud you on. I didn't see any formatting errors when I read through this, so it looks like you fixed them. This is really quite an enjoyable read! The Characters are well thoughtout, you have a good grasp of description but don't get bogged down in the details and grammar/spelling are spot on. Thanks for submitting to FFARG!
| Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: roku kyu [MediaMiner Member] On: April 29, 2005 23:02 CDT
Comment/Review:
This was a well-written chapter with good grammar, smooth, believable dialogue, and vivid setting descriptions. The sex scene was also skillfully executed, and most importantly, personal and intimate between the two protagonists. Too many fics feature sex scenes that are all about the mechanics while forgetting that there are supposed to be thinking, feeling participants in the act. You have (thankfully!) avoided that pitfall. There are only a few minor criticisms for me to offer. In maybe two or so paragraphs, one of them being the tea preparation paragraph, there is a tendency to "storyboard" that sequence too much: in other words, too many small, stepwise yet unimportant details. You could cut that paragraph by 50% and help to speed the action. Also, this may be just personal opinion, but it seemed to me that Rick moved into his first-time homosexual experience a little too smoothly and confidently. He seemed much more nervous about the backrub than he was about penetration. On the whole, though, I enjoyed the character relationships, Serenity's reaction, and--thank you for the use of protective devices, a feature seldom seen in written erotica. Good luck, and thank you for submitting to FFARG.
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