Title: FFRG (CH. 1)
Reviewed By: Broken Visage [MediaMiner Member] On: December 03, 2005 00:58 CST
Comment/Review:
First, I'd like to point out that writing in the present tense if frequently awkward and works best in short pieces. 12 pages of present is not something most people want to read; I, personally, feel it takes away from the story. Another issue you have is your lack of meaty paragraphs. You have an abundance of one or two line paragraphs and very little bulk in most places. This gives the fic a skeletal feeling, despite its length. Also, do not use caps in a story unless it is for an acronym. The proper show of emphasis is italics, and an exclamation point if it is yelling in dialogue. Putting words entirely in caps is unprofessional and most people find it annoying. This fic is overall well-done and looks promising, thank you for submitting to the FFRG
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