| "Mourning of the Bloody Valentine" Reviews/Comments [ 15 ] |
Reviewed By: ThisIsMeSmiling [MediaMiner Member] On: November 15, 2008 18:27 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
I gotta agree with some of the reviews here. You hooked me in with the first chapter and the amazingly brilliant thing you had going on with all the creepy-esque notes, but the hype of a "stalker" and what I think was the original story plot seemed to die down as the chapters dragged onwards. Then, it was a total cop-out making her friends the ones creating all the notes and Hachi the original stalker. I think the story would have been BRILLIANT had InuYasha been the actual stalker because it seemed at first as if you were setting up a dark-fic, but the plot jumped around so much and deviated from the actual story that I, unfortunately, can't even read it anymore. And thats not to say that I think the story is terrible...because I want to be clear that it ISN'T. I love your style, the sarcastic tone running through every chapter...but I can't follow a story that jerks me around ten different places. You set up the story as if InuYasha was going to be the stalker, went into some random plot against Kouga where InuYasha and Kagome somehow found the time to fall in love, killed off Sango and Miroku, which Kagome didn't even CARE about, made her friends the stalkers and then...my head is spinning. Where did Hachi even come from? I think if the story were more planned out and stuck to one (MAYBE two) well thought out story arcs, it would be a better read, but the way it is now...I can't even follow it. I don't mean to flame, and I hope you don't take this like that, but to critique. You had a really good idea going for you, but kind of lost sight of it in the end. *shrugs* It happens to the best of us :/ ~Amber
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Reviewed By: Fuyuna [MediaMiner Member] On: July 13, 2008 07:46 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I agree with some review here. Kagome reaction is rather strange. If I were her, I would freak out if I found that my boyfriend is a cold bloody killer and my best friends trick me. More over why they should agree to "die" and erase their status in the world and then live with new status just for a matter like that ( Inuyasha and Kagome past). It's really not worth it. I think you push it too far from the middle to the end. I even agree with the comment that it's look like you build a new set of story and idea from the middle of the story. It look like you plan it so suddenly. Ex, the stalker is Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku and the real stalker is… Hachi?!! You didn't even mention Hachi at all from the beginning and suddenly he is pop out from nowhere just to be a stalker? At least you should mention a bit about him in the beginning, it is better like that. Sorry, I don't mean flame, it is just some comment from a fan. it is really good in the beginning but It's like you rush to write it or you change your idea and unfortunately it is worse. Anyway, I keep thinking about Madame Erotique story about son and mother doing it, the idea really look like hentai manga " Voice of Submission chapter 1". Did you get the idea from there? If not, you should read it. It's hot. *wicked smile*
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Reviewed By: Ms_Senstive [MediaMiner Member] On: August 23, 2006 02:55 CDT
Comment/Review:
I love the title first off. i got to emit that the story needs a bit of work. one thing that i would suggest is that you described the characters a little more. i was shocked to find out that you had Inuyasha appearances as the TV show. i thought he was in his human form. the second thing that i suggest that you work on is if you put something in your story that you fallow up on it. an example is the banding her mother gave her. in the next chapter you forgot it and then brought it suddenly back up again when she ran away with Inuyasha. that was your best chapter by the way. if you could write all your chapters like this you would have millions of reviews. I'm just wondering were all your votes on who the stake should be are because i defiantly do not see them in your reviews
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Title: Nice
Reviewed By: 123Meme Go On: April 27, 2005 18:21 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Nice I'm very interested to see where this story is going.Please update. Love Ya!!!!!!!
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Title: A bit disappointed
Reviewed By: TweetyReview On: April 15, 2005 17:02 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
I've read up to the 26th chapter, after that i stopped. I'm guessing that that ch. was supposed to be the climax of the story. I already guessed from the start that inuyasha was the stalker, but what surprised and disappointed me was that kagome's best friends would agree to do such a thing or even worse- how kagome had reacted to the news. I really enjoyed chapters 1-25 ( trust me, I practically never read any long stories), you did a good job with it. But i agree with another one of your reviewers, kagome seemed to fall in love so quickly and without development. Whenever she was with Inuyasha, she'd forget other things, like the death of her friends! And when she came into the 'safe' house and heard everything, I was really thinking and hoping that she would act the way any body would, and be angry. I mean, he freaking stalked her! It's just creepy, and he made her friends scare her by pretending to be dead. It's just really dissapointing how it came out. Please don't take my review as an insult but as constructive critiscm and an opinion. To each his own.
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Title: Ummm....
Reviewed By: Me On: April 10, 2005 23:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
I don't really mean to sound rude...but, your story kind of went to crap. I'm not saying that what's going on NOW is actually bad...it's just....what happened to the story you started? It's like you just decided to start a new one halfway through your old one and BOOM...here's this:P
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Reviewed By: inubrat [MediaMiner Member] On: April 07, 2005 09:45 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i really like the story and can not wait for the next chapters
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Reviewed By: i love kouga [MediaMiner Member] On: April 07, 2005 02:13 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i loved it and i dont want it to end but all good storys must come to an end.well u did a great job. devils child
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Title: Wow...
Reviewed By: Me On: April 07, 2005 00:56 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I've read and read and now I'm too tired to read any more so I'll just have to add this to my favorites! I LOOOOVE your style of writing! You're amazing! This story is just so funny and sooooo....keeping me on my tippy toes:P haha. It's kind of creeping me out though, cuz there has actually been this guy following me around and stuff for the past 2 or 3 months, but I've always considered him as harmless, you know? But after reading this, I think I'll be a little more on my guard now......Anywho...I've got a lot more chapters ahead to catch up on! I can't wait! Great job!!!!
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Reviewed By: Xaenthe [MediaMiner Member] On: January 18, 2005 03:21 CST
Comment/Review:
Chapter 13 Review: Uhhh...Didn't Kagome go over there to see if Sango was okay? Did she just totally forget about her? Whoa...
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Reviewed By: Xaenthe [MediaMiner Member] On: January 18, 2005 03:17 CST
Comment/Review:
Chapter Twelve Review: Okay, I'm like...@.@....I was so sure in the beginning that InuYasha was the stalker, I mean his sudden possessiveness when he suddenly showed up at school the day after he totally freaked her out? Shit on a pringle...maybe he has a dissociative disorder? ~Xaenthe
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Reviewed By: Xaenthe [MediaMiner Member] On: January 18, 2005 02:48 CST
Comment/Review:
OMG. Reviewing chapter three now...*snickers* How fucking high were you when you wrote that chapter? Oh my god, I'm still chuckling... ~Xaenthe
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Reviewed By: Xaenthe [MediaMiner Member] On: January 18, 2005 02:37 CST
Comment/Review:
Oh my goodness! I'm so freaked out! I'm glad my stalker isn't that freakin' scary! He just comes over to my house all the time while I have my mom tell him I'm not home! *I'm never ever letting a guy walk me home from the bus-stop again...*glances over shoulder* lol, so yeah, I'm only on the first chapter! Eek!
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Reviewed By: Dietl [MediaMiner Member] On: January 17, 2005 15:55 CST
Comment/Review:
Hey don't listen to that stuck up bitch, she obviously thinks that she is above other people just because she decided that in her perfect world that only idiots put themselves in their fics. However one of the greatest literary novels of all time, (The great gatsby) was written by Scott F.fitzgerald and he featured himself as the two main characters, one represented himself as a young Idealist while the other represented himself in later life, so just ignore her and continue writing! please...
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Reviewed By: Cln. Luck On: January 15, 2005 21:55 CST
Comment/Review:
I noticed something, at chapter 5 or some other chapter suddenly Kagome knows about Inuyasha's personality, and Inuyasha becomes OOC from your previous chapters, what's happening?
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