Reviewed By: DarklessVasion [MediaMiner Member] On: December 18, 2004 15:06 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Not a bad start for your story. I think your portrayal of the characters is very wll done. I like how you are showing Sesshoumaru's emotional growth with his inner thoughts. I believe that is the ONLY way we will ever get to really know that particular TaiYoukai; by picking his brain. I can't see him turning into a motor-mouth and "sharing", can you? LoL ----Although you have quite a few grammatical errors, they are not as important as the initial plot. Maybe you could find someone to proofread for you. Your phrasing is good. It's the punctuation and wrong words, (you know, right sounding but wrong spelling although they are spelled correctly for the words that they are...homynyms I think, and a common enough error) Experience will clear that up in time. ----On to chapter 2---- You labeled your character Isis, high priestess of Basset. Basset is a form of hound-dog. You might be refering to "Bastet" of Egypt mythology, "Bast" for short. But if you're changing the names for your own purpose, please disregard this correction. ---I'm having a little difficulty with how long it takes Sesshoumaru to finally arrive when he was close enough to hear Rin scream, and yet the sisters manage to have an almost 10 to 15 min shouting match. Also, wouldn't the owner of the barrier notice that he forced his way through it? And Sess would never, ever have so little control of his whip that he would endanger Rin; He could probably pick a fly off of her nose without touching her face. --Not bad. |
