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| "Goddess of Soul - The Altered Judgement" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: Feather802 On: June 24, 2005 22:09 CDT
Comment/Review:
Very nice so far. The characters that are extremely interesting. I want to learn more about them... So get writing =p
| Title: FFRG Review: Prologue
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: June 17, 2005 20:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
You have the start of a very intersting piece. The set up is good and you have an excellent way of describing the scenes. There are a few areas I feel may need some polish, but this fic is really better than most of the stories I see. The first thing I think you need to work on is changing up your sentence structure a little. You have a lot of complex sentences, and at times that can make it difficult for the reader to follow. Add a few short Subject-Verb-Direct object sentences every once and a while to add impact. Secondly, I am going to suggest you get a beta reader whose speciality is finishing/polishing. You don't need someone to help you with basic grammar. But you do need someone to find the things that a spell check will miss. Thirdly, I think that you are trying a little too hard to be mysterious. The first section regarding Life was a little confusing. You have great description but I felt it was missing something. Now I want to highlight the things I feel you did really well at. You obviously have plotted this story out and are doing an excellent job of creating a hook for your story -- drawing the reader into the story. I also feel that you have a very solid base from which to spin your tale. I hope to continue seeing good things out of you in the future. Thank you for Submitting to FFRG!
| Reviewed By: Broken Visage [MediaMiner Member] On: January 16, 2005 17:38 CST
Comment/Review:
I must say, this is an excellent piece. The plot is interesting, the descriptions and dialogue are well-written, and you have so few grammatical/spelling errors. This is surely a gem, on this site at least. The main error, the only one I spotted, that is, was the title, which is short on "s" in goddess. Your summary is very good, don't be hard on yourself :-). Again, excellent work. I shall look forward to reading more.
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