Reviewed By: John A. Ardelli On: October 27, 2001 08:12 CDT
Comment/Review:
You are a phenomenal writer, my friend, especially in the atmospheric aspect. The way you describe the scene, you can see it so clearly. You can almost feel it. The events feel like something many a Gelfling probably went through during their war with the Skeksis. The Gelfling people, of all characters in /The Dark Crystal/, are very close to my heart, and I feel you've captured them and their essence nearly flawlessly.
My only problem was in your second chapter. I know how tempting it can be to include lyrics of a song that inspired your story. /The Crystal of Truth/, for example, originally ended with the song "The Simple Truth (A Child Is Born)" by Chris de Burgh. But almost everyone whom I asked to review my first draft said I should remove it because it didn't really add anything to the story. I agreed, and the final draft simply ends with the final scene of the movie.
I found that the lyrics just threw off the drama of the moment. Halfway through the second chapter, I just started skipping the lyrics. Your story, IMHO, would work FAR better without them. If this isn't your final draft, I strongly recommend you just take them out.
The story between the lyrics, though, was exceptionally touching. I don't want to say too much about what happens lest I spoil the story for other readers, but suffice it to say that it brought a tear to my eye. It was a very powerful dramatic moment.
I hope you plan to write more /Dark Crystal/ fan fiction in the future. If and when you do, let me know. I want to see it. :) |
