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| "Midnight Destinies Book 1: Broken wings, Fading souls" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: Ryu-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: February 07, 2002 16:09 CST
Comment/Review:
Ryu: *grin* Yay! More LiCat stuffs! Yay yay yay! Good good good!
Draco: *pats Ryu on the head and smiles at LiCat* She's okay...she's just going a little crazy...
Kevin: *raises brow* Going? | Reviewed By: Dezz [MediaMiner Member] On: January 29, 2002 13:16 CST
Comment/Review:
This was great. A couple things I'd like to point out, though.
I notice that you separate thoughts with two slashes. If you this, make sure you capitalize when you return to actual actions. Example:
//TEMPEST?!...Tempest Blue?!!!!// in a sudden glimps of the sun and he saw a shimmer of steel in the shadows.
You should capitalize the "i" in "in", otherwise it reads like one sentence and doesn't really seem to make much sense. =)
Also, when someone speaks..you either put a comma or a period at the end of the sentence. If there is something that goes after the dialogue, you use a comma. If the dialogue occurs at the end of the sentence, then you use a period. Example:
"This was an interesting fic to read," I said as I typed the words out.
Typing out on a keyboard I said, "This was an interesting fic to read."
Get it? =) It makes for an easier read if you format your dialogue right.
If you're trying to have a serious fic going, you shouldn't insert author's notes into the storyline. It can derail the plot as it offers a distraction. You put this one in while he was in the alley:
Other than that, I really liked it. Your prologue offers a slight teaser and we get to see the child 10 years later as a knight. There is also much mystery surrounding Blue Tempest that leaves the reader eager to read more in order to find out his secrets. Keep up the good work. | Reviewed By: digibitch [MediaMiner Member] On: November 30, 2001 13:33 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm not normally a Shounen ai/Slash fan, but your story has really got me interested. I love the way you write. Your descriptions are superb! Please write more.
And put this fic in the new original anime section! That way others can find it easier!
DB
DigiBitch@Team-Rocket.net |
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