Reviewed By: Rose of Vegeta On: January 27, 2005 08:49 CST
Comment/Review:
It was a well written story for the most part. You just need to watch some of your spelling and grammar. For example when you say "Hi Goten", there should be a commna: "Hi, Goten." When you end a sentence in a dialogue, you use a comma to separate the dialogue from identifying the speaker: "I don't know", she puzzled over. Use that form instead of ending with the period at the end of the dialogue (this is proper writing etiquette). You described things well but seem that you need to do more proof readin or have a beta to check your work. There were times that when the grammar was wrong that what you were trying to say got confusing to actually read. I hope these are helpful pointers for you.
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