| "Ryou&Malik" Reviews/Comments [ 8 ] |
Reviewed By: rowenswoman On: August 21, 2005 05:27 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i really like this story. please write some soon. thanks
|
Reviewed By: Bluelilly1928 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 20, 2005 10:20 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
|
Reviewed By: R_Winner [MediaMiner Member] On: February 16, 2005 23:56 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
I am inclined to agree with CrimsonMoon on this matter, she speaks a great deal of sense in her constructive critisism. You need to slow down and draw things out. You can't just have Malik all of the sudden decide... "Huh, since I heard our Yami's doing it I think I'll tell Ryou I love him." Then have Ryou agree and drag him off to screw like bunnies. There is no feeling in that. You need to make them think things through and show that they really do care about one another. Also... I hate to say this but there were WAY too many grammatical errors in this fic for my liking. I suggest taking this to a BETa eader, or letting Crimso help you if she's offered. It'll make your works in the future much nicer and a tad more tolerable.
|
Reviewed By: Tak-The-Dragon-Lord On: February 16, 2005 09:11 CST
Comment/Review:
Hm...It's okay but not the best in the world. That's okay though 'cause I know it's hard. Just keep working at it and don't have a stroke just because you don't have many reviews. You'll get more as time goes by. You just have to be patient. Most people are too lazy to review which is probably why you don't have many. Remember if you have fun with your writings and be creative you'll get better and better.
|
Reviewed By: anubiset [MediaMiner Member] On: February 15, 2005 18:07 CST
Comment/Review:
I liked it. It could have been longer and had more detail, but who cares. *goes off into a fantasy world where Malik and Ryou are going at it like rabbits.*
|
Reviewed By: Bunnylover On: February 13, 2005 14:27 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
This was a creaive story. I love this coupling. It was very interesting. Was this your first Lemon?
|
Reviewed By: Crimson Moon [MediaMiner Member] On: January 30, 2005 01:54 CST
Comment/Review:
^_^ This is not a flame... it's constructive critiscm... darling, I love lemons and I know my first one was bad, but the only way you're going to learn is from reviews.. here is what I think I'll help you: You were sort of expressing how the two felt, but not clearly. You jumped straight to the sex. You could be more descriptive about how they felt and the sex could go a bit slower, I mean, like, really descriptive, not to the point. You should clearly express their emotions during the sex, it could be pain or pleasure. You could describe the sexual experience more, too. I encourage you to write and if you ever need a beta reader, e-mail me at YamiNoBakura@mytheme.com ! I'm always here to support my fellow writers. Here's some more advice, alot of dialogue helps. They could of had a better conversation of how they felt.. and slowly decide if they should bed each other. Were they both virgins? You could of noted that, too. Did they feel both love and lust, only love, or only lust? Trust me sweetie, if you use all this advice it'll expand from a short 527 word lemon into atleast 2,000 word lemon... which is completely better and makes the reader want to read more. Now let me say this, I've been through this. Mine was alot worse... I had no sense of grammar. You have pretty good grammar. Well, I hope this helps, Ja Ne! E-mail me anytime!
|
Title: hey!!
Reviewed By: KaLeigh On: January 29, 2005 23:46 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey chick! that was actually really great. I kinda like lemons. i rated high for ya..but it definantly deserved a high rating..!!!!!!! keep on writing and i'll keep on reading!!
|
