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| "Death Changes Everything" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: Irishdancer On: April 03, 2005 11:50 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hi, nice to see there's at least one Arjuna fanfic around. ;o) I agree w/ the other reviewers: Format the dialogue a bit better, then it's easier to read. ^_^ Apart from them, the story seems quite promising and I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter! lg from Austria, Irishdancer
| Reviewed By: 7ice3 On: March 30, 2005 12:15 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I concur with what your previous reviewer said. Cut up the dialogue into paragraphs. As it is right now, your fic is difficult to read, since it's got everything lumped together. Also, Juna is waaay too OOC for my taste--she can't drink Coke, remember? If the supposedly healthy 'Appare Genki' orange juice makes her spew, just think what softdrinks will do to her.
| Reviewed By: Yoko Oro: forgot to sign in! oops! On: March 02, 2005 13:51 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I've only watched the first 2 episodes of Arjuna, but from what I can tell, you made Juna OOC (not a good thing or a bad thing, just and obsevation). Some praise: congrats on being the first one to write an Arjuna ficcie! Please keep writing. The idea to do a YYH and Arjuna crossover was very creative. Some Constructive Critism: work on syntax structure. FYI: you are supposed the start a new paragraph every time someone talks. Otherwise, it gets confusing and tedious to read. Also, work on fleshing things out more. Let me know the emotions and thoughts of the characters. Avoid writing a ficcie like it is a sequence of events. Be creative! Basically, this you have an interesting idea and this ficcie has some great potential. However, the first chapter was tedious to read and somewhat boring. I would recomend doing a revision. Remember, the only way to improve you skills is to look at things at all angles, write, write, write, write until you puke, and write some more. I can't wait for your next chappie, but don't rush through it! One of the main problems that all authors face is trying to reach a deadline without making the story seem rushed. The solution: ignore the reviewers who tell you to update faster than a reasonable amount of time, take a deep breath, and get those creative juices flowing. Ta ta for now!
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