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| "Divine Retribution" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Reviewed By: Dark-Moon [MediaMiner Member] On: April 10, 2007 07:33 CDT
Comment/Review:
Please update soon!
| Reviewed By: Fei Fei [MediaMiner Member] On: November 06, 2005 13:43 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I love this story. I really do. I hope you up date soon. presonally i kinda would like to see Seras bit integra. it would be fun.
| Reviewed By: peachfling On: September 21, 2005 22:30 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Just ran into this fic and thought it was a great idea to see these two characters caught in a confined situation as they are. I'm really enjoying how they're interacting with each other in a 'civilian' like atmosphere. Sir Integra's dialogue is very reminiscent of her attitude towards Seras in the Anime verse. It's fun to see Seras try to make a friend of her commander only to be shot down at every turn, only to get right back up and try all over again. Girl's got spunk! Also like how you had Integra peaking out of her shell so to speak, only to have it almost bitten off by Seras in the last chapter due to the bit of 'teasing' she received from Integra. All-in-all a great fic, can't wait til you add more chapters.
| Title: FFARG Review (Chapter 1)
Reviewed By: Becca Stareyes [MediaMiner Member] On: April 29, 2005 10:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
My first observation is that I am having trouble getting into your prose -- it is a bit 'purple' (overly flowerly and ornate). A few of the adjectives seem awkward int he opening -- lithe is usually more used to describe bodies, not faces, and I don't see why you are using azure when blue will do. You also seem to have some runon sentances -- a beta would be helpful. You seem to have POV problems, in that you bounce from Integra to Alucard's point of view, having both their thoughts in the same paragraph. If you decide to stick with third perosn omnipotent (most prose is in third person limited -- we only get one person's thoughts), I would try to keep the POV to one character per paragraph, like speech. You have a few bits of dialogue with funny tags. If you aren't going to use said or a synonym, close off your dialogue with a period and begin a new sentance. Integral's dialogue sounds a bit off -- a bit less blunt than usual. I mostly read the manga of Hellsing, though, so it could be a difference there. There seems to be a lot of stuff in this chapter, and some of it is rather choppy -- the scenes with Seras and Alucard and Integral being brought to trial are so short and sketchy they feel choppy. Youd id a fair job, and I like seeing a dynamic Seras, but there is a lot of stuff here, and it feels like it oculd ahve been expanded, or cut up differently, or even ommitted.
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