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| "Drinks and a Plan" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: 13 On: April 07, 2005 05:12 CDT
Comment/Review:
Heh. Nice, Dumas. I would've liked to have seen them recruit Fa- Er, the 'gentle' person. That would've been humorous. As it is, the parody works quite well. I love the way you imagine the trio, even if I think of them differently. Rocking story- I'll have to read some more of your fics.
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Becca Stareyes [MediaMiner Member] On: April 04, 2005 19:46 CDT
Comment/Review:
First of all, the formatting. I suggest you either put a hard return in between paragraphs or indent your text. It's very hard to read otherwise. Another formatting thing is the use of quotes -- in general, doubel quotes should be used for dialogue, while single quotes can be used to indicate when someone is reading something. For example, to take a quote from your writing, "'Heero pulled Duo down to the tent floor and nuzzled the long-haired boy.' Wait a minute!" The blonde looked up. That being said, this seems very good, if a bit short. The dialogue is amusing and the parody is quite well pulled off. The main thing I would improve would be to expand a bit. Even the double-spacing would help, as I tend to be wary of fics that I can read without scrolling. Putting some more description in would also help -- you have a bit of the 'talking heads in space' effect, because I got very little sense of how the figures were gesturing. At leats part of that will be stylistic here, though, I imagine.
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member] On: April 04, 2005 17:34 CDT
Comment/Review:
A nice little parody one shot you have there. I like the concept for the fic. However, this looks a bit rushed. A little editing can go a long way even in a simple little one-shot. Taking the time to go through and break it up into paragraphs would be the best place to start. You need to seperate your dialouge from your action in distinct paragraphs. At the moment it looks like one huge paragraph. It's an easy and fun read which makes it good but it lacks that extra bit of editing. Grammar is good here just needs to be broken up into paragraphs. You have a nice little one-shot here.
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