| "The Herb" Reviews/Comments [ 22 ] |
| Pages (2): [ « < 1 2 ] |
Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: roku kyu [MediaMiner Member] On: April 30, 2005 14:31 CDT
Comment/Review:
This story started out well. I liked the character interactions, especially their inner thoughts and personal doubts. You did have a significant number of word misusage, not detectable by spell-check: i.e. emitted instead of admitted, it's instead of its, hopping instead of hoping--so you might consider a beta reader. The descriptions of the hot spring were also very nice and vivid, and all was going well, until...the sex scenes. Not that they weren't descriptive. The problem is that you lost sight of the characters and made them severely OOC. An aphrodisiac might lower inhibitions, but it won't change personalities. During the orgy, the participants talked and acted like bad porn movie actors. I didn't see anything of the vulnerability and insecurities that define Kagome, Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha, which made the declarations of love at the end unconvincing. Not to mention that the use of bathroom wall slang by the third person voice took away serious literary potential. Use the proper names for body parts if you want to avoid unintentional comedy, and don't ever mention size; that's just tacky. You might try incorporating your skill at characterization into the CENTER of the sex scene, trying to imagine how each personality might react to overwhelming feelings of passion in a way other than "I wanna f*@k you, bitch!" This fic has potential. I feel that if you really work at it, you can polish its roughness into real erotica.
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Title: ..
Reviewed By: DessertPhoenix On: April 14, 2005 17:58 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
OMG, you're really at good at writing this kind of stuff... This is HOT HOT
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Reviewed By: Suewaki On: April 11, 2005 16:17 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 4 of 10 Comment/Review:
.
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Reviewed By: Saki =) On: April 10, 2005 16:11 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Holy freak, it's really hot in here. I will never think about stew the same way again. Loved the ending, it was hilarious! =D
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Reviewed By: Niffy [MediaMiner Member] On: March 30, 2005 16:24 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
that was.. omg! really really really really HOT write more pleaseeee!!!! omg did the room just get hotter? oh boy i want more please. hahaa keep up the good work and update soon!!
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Title: ^_~ Great one-shot!
Reviewed By: Kera Sheden On: March 23, 2005 02:36 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This was really fun to read. You had me laughing alot as well. That sly Kaede, giving them drugs. ^_^ Your writing is great, keep it up! ~Kera Sheden
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Reviewed By: Animeluver1368 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 13, 2005 21:19 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very good skills with the lemons and the ending was hilarious. I loved it.
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Title: hot
Reviewed By: A anime fan girl [MediaMiner Member] On: March 12, 2005 16:56 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
hot, hot, hot, that's all i can describe it. i showed it to my boyfriend, now we always give eachother strange looks whenever my mom makes us stew for dinner whenever he ate at my house. She did once and only once, for some reason. The strange part is, that when we first tried it, it was delicious and then later, we started to feel a little strange, and... well, it started to get hot. Heh, then my older sister told me that she and her boyfriend spiked it by using some powder from crushed viagra pills. I was like 'O my gosh, you b****!'. This is the most strangest henati one-shot ive ever read 'cause it was so like that one, strange night. *sigh* it's a good thing that we had enough control to use condomns, or else... uh, sorry for that VERY embarrassing story! Keep wirting more stories like this. *blushes* Good thing im black so no one can hardly see me blushing lol
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Reviewed By: Love_of_periot [MediaMiner Member] On: March 12, 2005 14:22 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
OMG!!!! I loved that fic!! The ending was hilarious!!! ha ha ha!!! I look forward to reading more of your things!!!!
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Reviewed By: InuKaglover815 On: March 07, 2005 20:57 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Dude, that was SWEET!!!!!! It certainly turned me on! You've GOT 2 write another one! I loved ur ending.
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Reviewed By: XxEvYxX On: March 07, 2005 18:36 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This was great ^^ Good Job!
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Title: Happy!!!!
Reviewed By: C.T. Rae` On: March 07, 2005 02:55 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Loved it. Rather amusing and fun. *Note to self... fun with hot springs* Viagra Stew! Keep on writing, i look forward to more out of you.
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Reviewed By: MsJennifer On: March 06, 2005 21:37 CST
Comment/Review:
loved the ending...it was soooo cute!!
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Reviewed By: Zelix [MediaMiner Member] On: March 06, 2005 17:51 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
HAHAHAHAH!!! Man, this was freaking good! Man oh man... i just loved that ending, "I don't we'll be doing much traveling tomorrow."... hehehhee, that's a good one. I really liked this fic, you're good!
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Reviewed By: :-P On: March 06, 2005 07:15 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
OMG! That was great! Loved the ending!
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