| "Chao in Space" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] |
Reviewed By: ChaiTheChao On: August 22, 2007 05:52 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is an amazing piece of work. You have kept the plot steady and strong, and the style of writing is good. There is alot of creativity behind this work. From a simple in-game poster you have created an amazing fan-fic. However, the desribtive and emotional parts need some SERIOUS work, and there are some grammer issues. But so far, so good. (By the way, how long does it take to write a chapter? You have'nt updated for two years!)
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Reviewed By: knuckleyeah On: November 29, 2006 12:56 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
exellent, origanal idea, but grammer issues. (yes i'm new to m.miner but i'm good to)
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Title: FFARG Review Ch. 3
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member] On: December 06, 2005 12:32 CST
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your chapter to FFARG. Once again, you have the potential for a solid story with your idea. You have a decent handle on grammar with your chapter and the characters are written well. However, you might want to be careful how you deal with Sparky's reactions to his parents' deaths. He's still young and it will affect him at some point. He may act as though he has gotten over it so soon but it would serve the story well to have that come back at some point in the future. Also, when going back over this chapter remember to add more descriptive passages to the chapter, this will give it some extra emotion and pop to it. Your goal is to make your readers a part of the story and good description will achieve that. The beta reader I saw you are getting will help you get the right emotion to the story and the right amount of descriptive passages in your chapters. You have a lot of potential with your story. A little extra attention it will make it even better. One again, thank you for submitting your chapter to FFARG.
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Title: FFARG Review Ch 2
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member] On: December 01, 2005 20:59 CST
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your piece to FFARG. You have a good idea that has a lot of potential for a good solid story. However, your chapter is lacking in descriptive passages and character thought. You have Sparky being introduced to each section of the base. What is he thinking as he meets the new people and sees new things? What do the Chao think of him as they see him for the first time? Those are things to keep in mind as you write your chapters. It also felt as though the transitions between one scene to the next were a bit choppy better descriptive passages will help to make the transitions between time on the ship to time on the base go smoothly. A little extra time and attention to detail will help your work be even better. As the last FFARG reviewer mentioned the help of a beta will help give your work the extra pop and pizzazz it needs to make it all the more better. Once again thank you for submitting your piece to FFARG.
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Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Pahhur [MediaMiner Member] On: December 01, 2005 20:10 CST
Comment/Review:
Alright. To begin, this was a very interesting way to put the Chao. However I noticed some tense issues, along with a few other things. The major thing is that you should rework the part where the parents die. It isn't making the emotional pull I think you want it to make. Though I know from experiance making the heart bleed is hard to write. I suggest a good beta to help you there. Thanks and keep submitting to FFARG!
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Reviewed By: christinatails(forgot to login) On: November 11, 2005 10:14 CST
Comment/Review:
Bout time you updated this story! *giggles* Nat and Matt! Cute! Yes, rest is good. *falls asleep*...
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Reviewed By: christinatails(forgot to login) On: March 07, 2005 09:55 CST
Comment/Review:
*sniffles* WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! HIS PARENTS WERE KILLED! HOW COULD YOU, YOU DEVIL CHAO SHADE! HOW COULD YOU! Hmm, hope my Chao won't fight...*continues crying*
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