Reviewed By: Karla On: November 09, 2001 14:25 CST
Comment/Review:
Interestng premise! But I must mention two details: One, You should have made a quick note before the beginning of the story, introducing Kimi, as alot of people (including me!) Have no idea who she is. And why DID Goten wish for her to have a tail?
Second, although you only did this twice, make sure you keep your story in one tense. you switched from past tense (walked, talked, ate) to present tense (walks, talks, eats). *shrugs* It's nitpicking I know, but you have a lot of talent here! Keep it up! |
