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| "The Ultimate Cruise" Reviews/Comments [ 37 ] | | Pages (3): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 ] | Title: Responce
Reviewed By: Neil Dunsmore (Member of Media Minor) On: May 29, 2005 22:52 CDT
Comment/Review:
Responce to 6 previous comments left by Cyclone One: First of all, many fanfics have spelling errors. It's common, okay? And did you think of the fact that not all people double-check they're work? Not all writing programs have grammer check, you know. And, Slade's mask IS light brown. Orangish, not even close. I always thought it lookes more bronze. Oh yeah, and someday being two words; Some writing programs don't consider that to be a word, so it's understandable.
| Title: The Ultimate Cruise
Reviewed By: Cylon One [MediaMiner Member] On: May 29, 2005 01:50 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Now this is what I call a really cool story. One of the best I've ever read. Bringing the Titans and the Straw Hats together like this just calls out loud a great adventure. I admit that this story has a few spoilers for me concerning One Piece, but it wouldn't be the first time I've read something that revealed something I've yet to see in a movie, a tv series, or even a manga series. I kinda hope the Titans stick around until One Piece is found since they're so close to finding it. Here are a few things I believe need to be changed. 1.) Are you sure Slade's mask is half brown? I thought it looked more orange. 2.) "some day" should be one word. 3.) The words span and glew did not sound right. I'm sure the words spun and glow would have been better. 4.) "He wrapped it around his arm, pulling a tight know with his teeth." Sounds like "know" should be "knot". 5.) "But if you to see my favorite skill, it has to be martial arts." I feel somewhat certain that the word "you" should be something else. Maybe "you're". 6.) "Perhaps he did try to hard, but it was just with Terra-not with every girl that came along like this basket case!" The word "to" should be spelled with a double "o".
| Reviewed By: Sabs [MediaMiner Member] On: May 27, 2005 19:56 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is a bit of an odd crossover between almost two completely different shows, but you really made it work!! I would really like to see a Zorro/Raven pairing also. Perhaps Robin/Nani with Starfire and Nani getting into a catfight?
| Reviewed By: Dea Silvae On: May 19, 2005 22:13 CDT
Comment/Review:
Yay you finally updated :D This crossover is between two of my most favorite shows! :D Is there going to be a Zorro/Rae pairing in this? (likes the idea (:)I haven't watched too many One Piece episodes yet but I basically understand who's who and all.. I'm keeping this on my favorites list :D
| Reviewed By: Neil Dunsmore (Member of Media Minor) On: May 18, 2005 19:07 CDT
Comment/Review:
First off, I would like to comment on a very abnoxious comment made based on your style of writing. I think it was okay! "You tend to stick your dialogue together with your descriptive and action tense"? What has he been smoking! Who cares if you do that? I think Chibi Halo has no taste! Oh well, that's not completely what this review was about, but seriously, keep up you're style of writing the same. Also, update soon, because I've waited about three weeks for an update. I check everyday. Please don't become one of those people sho leaves his/her viewers in the dark for more than a month!
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member] On: May 04, 2005 18:36 CDT
Comment/Review:
First off let me commend you for tackling a crossover that most people wouldn't do. It shows creativity when you come up with a way to put two series together like this. With that said there are a few areas where I feel your writing could use a little bit of improvement. First off you tend to stick your dialogue together with your descriptive and action text. Try seperating your dialogue from other text into two seperate paragraphs. Second, when you write a line of dialogue seperated by descriptive text always use a comma to seperate your descriptive words from your dialouge instead of a period. Third, you have a tendency to open a paragraph with dialouge. This goes hand in hand with the first suggestion. Seperating your dialouge from your other text will make things easier to read. Finally, in a crossover you only need to introduce your characters once. When you bring together your two series you don't need to reintroduce the reader to your characters. Instead make the first time your two seperate casts meet from the point of view of one cast. In this case making things from the Titan's point of view would be better than from the reader's point of view, which is what you seem to be doing here. Having a second pair of eyes look over your work will help you know if what you write works for you. You have a good idea but with a little bit of work and help it could be even better.
| Reviewed By: anonomys On: April 10, 2005 16:51 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Standard style of writing... no different from other writing. Grammer was awesome. Never seen so many descriptive words. The plot WAS pretty original, I mean, this wasn't a rip-off of ANY episodes of these 2 shows. It was great. I could just immagine these characters going at it in a big special episode of One Piece. This was f*cking sweet!
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