|
| "Monologue of a Hypocrite" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: Sidhe (Sisi) On: July 21, 2005 16:47 CDT
Comment/Review:
I think I love this; it's funny and witty. (I go through some of the same thoughts some days.) "it would have ate me" which should be eaten, was one of the few problems I found. HEH That was very enjoyable. Like Sue said using 'and' to start a sentence is ok but you need to shake it up. Certain style changes in the way you structure your sentences like starting with words like "Startled, or Dashing, or Justifiably" If you could put in character insight on how they stress different words in their conversations to show how two faced or catty they are? Thanks for submitting to the FFRG!
| Title: FFRG Review
Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: July 13, 2005 10:10 CDT
Comment/Review:
A few grammatical errors could use a strong beta. Misplacement of commas seems to be something that could easily be rectified, however the flip-flopping of tenses is unsettling, and even for a 'monologue' where it is a little less stringent, certain rules apply. Think of it this way: when you think to yourself, do you think in present or past tense? And stick to it. Doing so will alleviate the slightly disjoinded feeling that tends to take a reader out of the story. I'd also avoid overusing 'And' to begin sentences. In certain instances, it works. In others, it doesn't. Overall, good feeling of cynicism (that seems to be the mood you were after), interesting story and very good insight into the mind of a 'hypocrite'. Keep up the strong writing, and thank you for submitting to FFRG!
| Reviewed By: majin sue [MediaMiner Member] On: March 28, 2005 15:45 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
A real nice change of pace from DBZ.
| Reviewed By: majin sue [MediaMiner Member] On: March 28, 2005 15:42 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Nice.....really good. Even though i's not dbz...i still find it a good read.
| Reviewed By: Love Of Vegeta [MediaMiner Member] On: March 27, 2005 14:02 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This fic was really good! The title matches the story greatly! Oooh I hate snobby people like that! Heh, anywy, I don't normaly travel outside of the dbz fics, but I decided to check this one out! (ur on my favs list) Keep up the fantastic work!!
|
|
|
