Title: FFARG
Reviewed By: Broken Visage [MediaMiner Member] On: April 22, 2005 15:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
I looked at the prologue and first two chapters. Present tense is normally looked down upon, I personally find it a little awkward, but that aside, it is fine since you stick entirely to this tense. Present is normally best for short, action shots, but it seems to do well enough here. I do see a problem with how you write dialogue, however. Your descriptive paragraphs are normal prose but the dialogue is in script. I find this awkward and it would be much better if you wrote dialogue as "'blahblahblah,' he said"; not "he said: blah blah blah." If you get my meaning. This flows better and looks much more professional. The descriptions themselves are rather well-written and your mechanics are for the most part above average. You also seem to have random italics and normal formatting. I would stick to regular text format and use italics only for emphasized words in dialogue and for what a person is thinking. There are a couple minor misspellings that a spell check would grab; they're not big, but you should run a couple checks before posting, anyway. Thank you for submitting to FFARG. :-)
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