Reviewed By: Shi-koi [MediaMiner Member] On: June 17, 2003 10:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
I take it this has been written from personal experience?
The first part seems almost familiar. I can read and relate to what you've written. I didn't actually stop, so I have a row of four visible scars on my left arm. But recently I have stopped.
The way you wrote this may have been cathartic for you, but it helps, knowing that someone else has felt the same way. Life you're no longer adrift in an endless expanse of emptiness. Suffocating and harsh, dark and too bright at the same time.
I used to picture it as a white page, a blank piece of paper, suddenly trampled on. THe bootprints vivid and cruel. My scars.
The second part was slightly different. My stomach clenched at your descriptions. A shiver, not quite small enough to supress. It's actually quite addicting, reading this. Being able to relive a moment of memory.....even if it is someone else's pain you're reading.
I can see how you've managed to write fics which incorporate so many emotions. It's always the writers who have lived through the emotions they're writing which seem to do the best jobs.
From your descriptions, loneliness and emotional pain seem to be familiar bedfellows to you. I'm sorry for that. You shouldn't have to live through those particular emotions.
Yes, I can see what you mean about crying. Sometimes it does feel like crying makes it worse.....maybe more real, crying means that you've lost control, you've let everything escape. It means you can't ignore the problem any more.
Whether this is true for you or not, I don't know, but I am pretty aquainted to self-harm, trying to make everything inside which hurts go away with an outward source of pain. And regardless of what I've been told, or read, I find it does help.
I'm not so sure about the colours. I suppose it's because I also equate white with sorrow. It's the Chinese colour for mourning. I find it hurts almost more than black. White mars, it shows everything you want to hide. Black conceals, red.....well, that's obvious. Red hurts. Red is pain. Mix the three and you have everything you don't want. Everything you've tried to push down, or deny, or hide.
But that could just be me. Heh. What can I say, I've recently found I do have opinions.
Hugs,
~Shi-koi~ |
