| "Heart in Fantasy" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] |
Reviewed By: Codie [MediaMiner Member] On: July 01, 2003 16:09 CDT
Comment/Review:
Oh k, now that I've read this I'm hooked. Please write more for this story, and get the next chapter up as soon as possible. This is a really good story. |
Reviewed By: Relena Peacecraft On: December 27, 2002 16:04 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
That was such a good fic. Keep it up
^_^ Relena |
Reviewed By: Sportchick14F On: August 07, 2002 21:31 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very nice plot and everything |
Reviewed By: mako-chan fan On: July 19, 2002 10:27 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
well... the fact that mako-chan is the main character of the fic is a + to me... uhh... that's about it... and the grammar's great... i would really like to read the rest of the fic... |
Reviewed By: Kass On: June 20, 2002 11:35 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I found it. I lost it but I found it. I like this story so much I had to read it again. The dragon sound friendly and the name is so original. I can't wait till the next chapter. ^_^ |
Reviewed By: plutosenshi2000 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 19, 2002 00:00 CDT
Comment/Review:
That's a great story. I can hardly wait for the rest. I think I recognize the dragon from one of your pictures. Am I right?
I'm not a good writer, so I probably shouldn’t be giving any advice, but I thought you might try using shorter sentences.
“Unfortunately, none of us were paying attention to a dark figure that seemed to be following us as we were going to the park after we purchased our food for the picnic.”
I would try: “Soon we were on our way to the park with food in our bags. Unfortunately, none of us were paying attention to a dark figure that seemed to be following us.”
Also I’ve noticed that you tend to use the same words very close to each other, sometimes in the same sentence.
To give you an example of what I’m talking about: “I awoke the next morning with the bright light of the morning sun falling gently on my face and some sort of covering was on my body” I thought it would be better “I awoke the next morning with the bright light of the rising sun falling gently on my face.” Or something similar. And then maybe add about the cover in a separate sentence.
I also think you might have misspelled a word: “I am known as Al'Teath Jhen Ketaro, the protector of the Forest of Shades,” he replied, answering my question because I could ask.”
I believe you meant “before” instead of “because”
Of course it would probably be more helpful if somebody more experienced read your story and reviewed it. |
Reviewed By: ana On: June 18, 2002 23:43 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
you're great. i really liked your story. keep up the good work. |
