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| "Entering Paradise" Reviews/Comments [ 6 ] | Reviewed By: space-chick On: July 30, 2005 16:27 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
LaLa 13 you made my heart sing with this beautiful story. you ROCK!!!
| Reviewed By: space-chick On: July 30, 2005 16:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
LaLa 13 you made my heart sing with this beautiful story. you ROCK!!!
| Title: FFRG review
Reviewed By: BakaBokken [MediaMiner Member] On: July 17, 2005 02:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your story to the FFRG. First of all, I'd like to say that this was a very moving premise. Excellent work bringing out the turmoil that comes with religious persecution - this piece was very touching. (Yes, I'm religious and not afraid to admit it.) However, I do have several comments to make. Grammatically, you have a pretty strong base, although I noted several errors (which BV did well to point out a few). A good grammar beta will be very helpful to clear up mistakes in that regard. I also noticed several point of view switches - you told the story from the Anna's POV (from an omniscient 3rd person perspective) for the most part, but you switched to the guards' POV in a few spots. The narrative would flow more naturally if you kept the entire story in Anna's POV. A beta reader would be very helpful here as well. In addition, a few of your descriptions need to be fleshed out. You tell us more than you show us in a few places, although the emotions were very nicely shown. You have a very nice style, and the premise for this piece was well done. Add some more to your setting, polish the grammar and style a bit, and you'll bring your story up another level. Keep writing! Thanks again for submitting your story to the FFRG.
| Title: Wow...
Reviewed By: rin_sama1989 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 01, 2005 21:00 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Definantly a beautiful story. My dad would love to read this, and so would my granda and great aunt. Me, I'm interested in other religions and I know I love the beauty and faith you put into the writing. Cristianity truly does have its loving side, a balanced scale for all the lives it has taken with its intolerance. Who were the people who did not want the girl to sing of her faith? I'm afriad I know no songs from Wicca so I have to make due with rites and spells. My form of prayer. I truly envy some things from cristianity. You are a wonderful writer and I know this is now a favorite of mine!^^
| Reviewed By: ThePD [MediaMiner Member] On: April 20, 2005 22:29 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Simply wonderful. Many people and cultures have been persurcuted because of their faith or beliefs. This summerizes much of it in one brillient story. Truly touching.
| Title: FFARG
Reviewed By: Broken Visage [MediaMiner Member] On: April 16, 2005 21:33 CDT
Comment/Review:
It is interesting, to say the least. I have to say, it is rather touching, if some thought is put into what you wrote. I'd say it is a nice tribute to people who have persecuted for their beliefs. Several of your descriptions are very good. But, now, on to the negatives. You use "you're" in place of the possessive "your" at least once. Also, when using possessive "prayed to her God," god would be lower-case since it is saying "her deity." It's a proper noun if she were "praying to God." That's really the most I can find to review about; just those couple of minor things. Thank you for submitting to FFARG and have a good day. :-)
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