Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: April 15, 2005 15:49 CDT
Comment/Review:
Interesting, as someone who is not familiar with Ronin Warriors you did a very good job of aquainting me with the series. That being said, I think this story needs a little more about how these things affected Yulie, made him into the man he is now, because right now you have a good start with laying the ground work, a few more paragraphs about how meeting Anubis and seeing his honor influence him and it will be even better. You had a few spelling mistakes, "elementalshad" instead of "Elementals had" and "assess" instead of "asses" were the ones that stood out. Now onto the things you did right. You gave me an excellent impression of the characters and how Yulie feels about them plus you did it in a way that I didn't feel that you were just listing traits. You have an excellent character voice, I don't know if it is in character or not, but the flow seems real -- if you understand what I am trying to say. Plus you have an overall excellent grasp of grammar and style. The two spelling errors were really the only things that I noticed and I tend to nitpick on those things. Do a little more elaboration, a little more Yulie soul searching and you will have a great Character study on your hands. Thank you for submitting to FFARG, and hopefully this was what you were looking for.
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