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| "The Lonely Man, With A Big Heart!" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: fornwalt On: August 06, 2005 19:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
Good story, Mykan. I'd like it if there was a tad more Inuyasha/Kagome romance in it, but it's too late now I suppose. Good job.
| Reviewed By: Marching Band Geek On: August 03, 2005 20:27 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I must say, you write romance scenes very well. Just add a bit more detail. You build up to it all story, and then it's just like, one or two sentences. Let us know what the characters are doing, what they're feeling, not just what they are saying. Not just in the romance scenes, but throughout the entire story. Furthermore, I think you had Nobunaga a tad out of character. That's okay, it's your story, but to hide the fact you're changing him, put a transition between the two character stages, such as, "Nobinaga had saved the princess's husband because all he had wanted was to make her happy. However, as time went on, he began to feel more and more bitter toward the man who had stolen the princess's heart." On the other hand, I thought that Inu-Yasha was written very nicely. There were things that I could totally believe he'd say. Overall, I'd say that your punctuation was your weakest point, and to fix that problem, I suggest getting someone to edit it before posting. Preferably someone with writing experience, someone who can make friendly suggestions. Good job, though, it kept me reading! Can't wait to read more!
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