| "Fate and Destiny's little trap" Reviews/Comments [ 13 ] |
Title: Good, but could use some work
Reviewed By: BoxingBunny [MediaMiner Member] On: August 03, 2010 13:35 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt because I've only read through the second chapter, but I felt the need to say something this early. I will continue to read this story, but wanted to give some constructive criticism. I like the idea to this story and I think it could have a lot of potential from what little I've read. But I'm being thrown off by the way the story is written. In the first chapter I didn't see many gramatical errors, but there's an issue concerning italics. I wasn't sure what was a thought and what wasn't. I know that MM can be a little odd about things like that, but you can always go back and check the format after you've posted the chapter to make sure that everything is correct and fix problems if need be. That's part of not posting a "half-assed" story (which you referenced at the bottom of the second chapter). In the second chapter, I found many more issues and was driven to write this. There were numerous grammatical and punctuation errors. I had a very hard time understanding who was speaking at what times during the dialogue between Koenma's father and Botan because everything was put in one large paragraph and many of the sentences were in individual sets of quotations even when it was obvious that the same person was continuing to speak. I would highly reccommend breaking up the dialogue between the two. And another thing that bothered me was that you introduced Koenma's father as King Yama when I've only heard him referenced as King Enma in both the anime and manga and most fanfictions. Also, Botan's eyes are a light blue, not grey (though if the color is simply your preference of portrayal, I understand). But aside from that, I commend you on keeping the characters actually in-character. I'm also happy that Kuwabara isn't being portrayed as a complete idiot. I think his character is often highly underestimated. And as I said before, the story itself does seem very interesting and I will continue to read it. I'm a big fan of Kagome/Yusuke pairings even though there aren't very many out there. Keep up the good work and possibly look into a beta-reader :] They can be very helpful. I hope that you don't take this the wrong way or as a "flame" because I really did like the story. If I didn't, I wouldn't have suggested ways to improve upon it. And I realize that my chapters are far from perfect themselves, but I do try to make sure that things are as smooth for the reader as they can be. Happy writing and good luck with future endeavours! Love, Bunny
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Reviewed By: yusukekuramasgirl [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2008 05:32 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
please update soon. i know it's been awhile but i want to know the outcome of everything.
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Reviewed By: dragoonvixenofshadows [MediaMiner Member] On: March 03, 2007 22:36 CST
Comment/Review:
0.0...ok was not expecting that...but i do have a name for the miko you asked about, how bout Koharu
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Reviewed By: nightaqngel15 not logged in On: January 29, 2006 15:00 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
bout time you updated...i was beginning to get worried. i wonder what will happen next time? pleeeeeez update soon
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Title: cool
Reviewed By: Tijiya (too lazy to sign in) [MediaMiner Member] On: July 04, 2005 00:21 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I love this story so far! It has a great plot, I have never read anything like it before! And I have read quite a few fanfics so that's saying quite a bit. I can't wait to read more! Please update ASAP! Keep up the great work! Ja!
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Reviewed By: Kitkat [MediaMiner Member] On: June 29, 2005 23:33 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hey, don't worry about lateness and stuff like that. Take your time and follow your heart's desires; if you're in the mood to write do it, if you're tired don't take the writing of this fanfiction as an obligation. I really like this fic, so I'll stay with you until the end no matter how long it takes, but as I'm going to be away for two years (at least) from next weekend on I'll probably be unable to review again. Take care! Kitkat
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Reviewed By: 'Jita On: June 01, 2005 17:57 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This is Awesome!!! I love these two together and Yusuke is the freakin' sexiest thing on earth!!! ^_^ This is written very well and every one is IC, well done! I love your writing style... Please update soon!
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Reviewed By: Kitkat [MediaMiner Member] On: May 25, 2005 21:33 CDT
Comment/Review:
A Inuyasha/YYH crossover, with a good plot, well written AND no Kuwabara bashing... I couldn't be more happy! And on top of all you're pairing Kuwabara with Sango! Great!! § Can't wait to hear more from you. § See ya, Kitkat. (§ = separate paragraphs since mm.org doesn't allow it in reviews)
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Reviewed By: scuttles is a funny word On: May 25, 2005 17:19 CDT
Comment/Review:
About the question: what emotion was Kagome feeling towards Inuyasha in chapter 5? I think I have an answer..either anger at him for trying to stop her from coming home, or love...I dunno, I'm just guessing here
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Reviewed By: 'Jita On: May 24, 2005 21:29 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
What?! Only two reviews?! You deserve more damnit, this is awesome!!! AWESOME!!! Please keep going, I love it! ^_^
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Reviewed By: 'Jita On: May 24, 2005 21:28 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
What?! Only two reviews?! You deserve more damnit, this is awesome!!! AWESOME!!! Please keep going, I love it! ^_^
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Reviewed By: katiepatie [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2005 19:10 CDT
Comment/Review:
*does little dance* yes! its a Yus/Kag pairing! ^-^ Those are my favorite stories! ^-^ great job and please update soon!
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Reviewed By: kagome15 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 30, 2005 12:10 CDT
Comment/Review:
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!!!! IT A GREAT STORY SO UPDATE ASAP ( PLUS I WANT TO KNO WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
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