| "5 Days to Fall in Love" Reviews/Comments [ 9 ] |
Title: Oh! and another thing...
Reviewed By: blessed_love15 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 21:49 CDT
Comment/Review:
I just took the time and read your past reviews. To Mrs. McCartney: Big words rock. As long as people use them right (which Rune_spirit is doing) And to kikyouhater118: Rune_spirit isn't a slave to mediaminer. Seeing how you haven't written any fanfictions of your own you have little room to talk. Rune_spirit is graceing midiaminer with her talent and ideas of her own free will. She doesn't owe anything to us, especially people like you who don't even bother to review yet leave callous demands all the same. That's all I have to say.
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Title: 4th Chapter
Reviewed By: blessed_love15 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 21:34 CDT
Comment/Review:
The make out scene was... *sigh* it was horrible. People don't "clamp on collar bones" and "suck on tongues" when they make-out. Also, I didn't know if the two were on the sidewalk next to the bench or on the grass behind the bench. Instead of a 3rd person point of view, make it 1st person with Zakuro or Pai. I mean, their emotions are on the line, they're bound to feel something. If you go more into deepth on the angsty emotions, it won't sound so ...outland-ish. Also, when you wrote: "After he planted a brief, chaste kiss on her lips, nowhere near as lustful as their earlier ones yet somehow more passionate, they gazed into one another's eyes." Instead of describing this new kiss as "passionate", since that's how you described the first angst make-out scene... you could use "intimate" Just a suggestion. ///// Overall, I'm sorry if I sound b1tchy in this review, I'm simply trying to help.
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Title: 3rd Chapter
Reviewed By: blessed_love15 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 20:55 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
O.R.= One of the greatest TMM fics I've read. Is that thug gonna kill her!!! ACK~!//// Anyhoo, I really like it... but I think you're overusing the word "orbs" as refferance to eyes and the word "albiet" Other than that everything is docious.
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Title: 2nd Chapter
Reviewed By: blessed_love15 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 20:24 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
SoW= The repetive-ness was really, really annoying... but neccesary all the same. Same great imagry, yet I was a bit confused after Pia scared off the thugs. He picks her up and then he kisses her... but then he's not holding her anymore? May be I missed something.... /////S&G= "It was taking every last ounce of his will..." You say 'once' instead of 'ounce' but that's all. O/C= same reason as before. /////EF= except the neccessary repetive-ness, I loved the chapter. nicely done /////OR= Most TMM fics I've read have Pia and Retasu pair up simply because they're both quiet. I love how you see past the obvious similarities of the characters and deeper into their personalities. All of these pairings work out so well. Oh, and a question: What pairing do you like the most featuring Ichigo? I'm personally KishxIchigo.... toodles~!
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Title: 1st Chapter
Reviewed By: blessed_love15 [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 19:53 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
SoW=I gave you a 10 because you deserve it. The imagry in this story is amazing, I almost feel as if I'm watching a well directed movie. /////S&G=There were no mistakes that I could tell. Except, of course, when the thugs were talking but that all dialect.///// O/C= I gave you a 7 on originality because this isn't the most original thing out there. That's the only reason. /////EF=I enjoyed every minute of it. /////OR= I quite enjoyed this fanfic. The imagry was so precise, yet you did not patrenise the reader. In other words, you didn't go into depth of the thugs as if we haven't seen 'em before. Also, I love how you keep Zakuro's character in check. I like how she doesn't take the easy way out and transform. A great exposition to a story. Staight to the point. I loved it! I'll rate the next chapter too, k? toodles~!
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Reviewed By: Mint-san On: September 28, 2005 20:17 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
It was very cool story,BUT!I agree with Mrs. McCartney.That is not what making out is.(not that I have ever made out before.EWWW!)Other than that,I was so impressed
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Title: anime fan
Reviewed By: gal fan On: August 24, 2005 08:20 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
That was sooooo cool! Hope u hurry up and right some more! Loved your story! U are so good at writing. I never thought of something like wat u wrote! Please hurry up and finish it! AN ADMIRER
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Title: TOO MUCH INFO
Reviewed By: Mrs. McCartney On: July 29, 2005 20:02 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great ideas n stuff but here is my complaints: 1. Too many uses of big words (hello blondes do read this kinda stuff!) 2. You don't suck on a guy's tongue when you make out! There having a make out session not sex! 3. miniscule love bites? um ya no one BLEEDS when u make out 4. who sucks on a collarbone? 5. When writing a make out scene you must go by EXPERIENCE so don't write what u think is making out!!! Although it was interesting to read =) P.S: Ewww Ok bye :)
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Title: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR AN INVITATION!!!!!!
Reviewed By: kikyouhater118 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 07, 2005 13:36 CDT
Comment/Review:
ARE YOU NOT GOING TO UPDATE YOUR STORIES OR WHAT.IF YOU'RE NOT YOU COULD TELL SOMEBODY LIKE UM...I DON'T KNOW..........ME!!!!!!HELLO I'M TIRED OF WAITING,YOU HAVE THIS OTHER STORY UM UNEXPECTED FEELINGS WHAT ABOUT THAT HUH!!!!!PLEASE UPDATE OR IT WILL BE MORE OF THESE KIND OF REPLYS.And that's not a threat thats a promise!!!!!
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