| "Getting to know you...." Reviews/Comments [ 17 ] |
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Reviewed By: kittykelly213 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 07, 2008 17:08 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
With that, they went to his home, and… NOOOOoooOOOoooOOoooOoo!! please update! need to know what happens next!
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Reviewed By: mm-reviewer [MediaMiner Member] On: November 02, 2005 09:53 CST
Comment/Review:
Well, that places a different spin on 'maid service', but I'm curious; why did you have Kagome, a character you've described as 'pure' and 'a virgin', have random sex with a complete stranger. Both Kagome and the maid knew that Inuyasha intends to make Kagome his mate, but their actions were deliberately disloyal and disrepectful to him. Kagome gave her virginity to a person she just met for no apparent reason. What were her reasons for doing it? Since you give no motivation for such behavior, the word 'promiscuous' comes to mind. And on the same night, you have her considering marriage to Inuyasha because he is wealthy. You have characterized Kagome in the last chapter as being shallow, gold-digging, and sexually loose. I am confused as to why you did this. There is a severe lack of explanation concerning why the characters do what they do in your story, and plot development is completely lacking. You must be very young if you think random sex with a stranger is normal under the circumstances of that last chapter. Also, I'd like to point out that you did not place the proper warnings in your summary. You should have warnings that Kagome has multiple sex partners (since Inuyasha is second in line to have sex with her, and maybe the maid too), everyone is OOC, and that your story contains yuri. Previous chapters were building up to an Inu-Kag relationship, but now I see that is *not* the case. Prior warning that this is not an Inu-Kag fanfiction would have been appreciated.
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Reviewed By: w_j [MediaMiner Member] On: November 02, 2005 03:31 CST
Comment/Review:
That yuri scene made absolutely no sense. If Inuyasha could smell that she was a virgin in a room full of college students, then he could surely smell Kagome having sex in his own house with another woman, or at the least he'd smell it on her when she knocked on his door later. The scene made me think of Kagome as a slut, especially when she acted like nothing happened with Inuyasha an hour later. It was my mistake to think this was a Kagome/Inuyasha story since you did not define the pairings, but you really need to put a warning in your summary that this is a yuri story. It's not fair to readers to just throw a F/F scene like that into your story without prior warning in your summary. Not everyone wants to read yuri stories and I'm not reading this story anymore.
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Reviewed By: Dark_Lady_69 [MediaMiner Member] On: October 13, 2005 13:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
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Title: KOOL
Reviewed By: Dark_Lady_69 [MediaMiner Member] On: October 13, 2005 13:39 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
wow this is really good...please update soon i want to read about his house and what goes on threr ^.^'
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Reviewed By: junsei On: May 26, 2005 22:22 CDT
Comment/Review:
wow! you're doing pretty well! keep up the good work and update soon!!!!
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Reviewed By: Netsui [MediaMiner Member] On: May 26, 2005 18:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
dont leave me hanging like that its more than enough that your chapters are short i dont need cliffies! god damn it
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Reviewed By: Kitz On: May 14, 2005 19:10 CDT
Comment/Review:
I have to agree with w_j. Your plot and syoryline is very interesting, but your story seems to lack detail. Like during the date you could have added conversation, and what happened during the date than just the overall situation. You could also add more dialouge between the characters. Please don't take this as a flame because I like your story, but your writing skills could improve. Keep writing still because, in time, you could be a great writer.
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Reviewed By: jtcl [MediaMiner Member] On: May 10, 2005 21:12 CDT
Comment/Review:
I think it is good I hope you up date soon.
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Reviewed By: DARIO'SGRL On: May 08, 2005 22:18 CDT
Comment/Review:
I LOVE IT WRITE MORE PLEASE, AND I DO HOPE YOU MAKE THE CHAPTERS LONGER.
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Title: savii
Reviewed By: savii [MediaMiner Member] On: May 08, 2005 16:47 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
yay!!! cant wait for the next chap keep it rockin
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Reviewed By: gunslinger_inu(2lazy 2 login) On: May 08, 2005 16:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
Update soon! that was awesome.........YAY!
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Reviewed By: w_j (not logged in) On: May 08, 2005 13:26 CDT
Comment/Review:
Try adding more details to your chapters and making them longer. Also, it is easier to read if you put a blank line between each paragraph. You have good grammar and writing skills and I hope you continue your story, however you should expand on your descriptions about what each character is feeling and about their interaction with each other. Good luck.
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Title: wow
Reviewed By: InuYashasLoveLorn [MediaMiner Member] On: May 03, 2005 14:59 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
wow if you had that in the first chapter the this fanfic has to be good enought to continue reading kepe up the good work and update again soon please?
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Reviewed By: Shinobi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: May 03, 2005 12:13 CDT
Comment/Review:
Great story so far. Please continue ^___^
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