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| "Children of the Pebble" Reviews/Comments [ 11 ] | Reviewed By: Bastion [MediaMiner Member] On: August 01, 2007 18:49 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, as a fellow fanfic author also having to deal with real life (marriage, work, etc) I really appreciate that you have kept plugging away at this fic. I'm sorta in the same situation too. Anyway, nice fic, really nice depth you look into here with Milly and Meryl. I especially like how you have the marriage between Meryl and Vash, much more realistic especially given how Vash's line of work (being the Humanoid Typhoon and all) can cause tension in any kind of relationship. Though it's difficult to read Milly's introspection because damn, that's depressing which indicates that you're doing a good job. Keep it up, I'll put you on my favorites and we married fanfic authors can comiserate together. ;)
| Title: Nice fic!
Reviewed By: LilBrokenDolly [MediaMiner Member] On: April 24, 2006 01:17 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is a really well done, interesting fanfic. It's a bit intense and I like that! The parts with Milly are like a psychological thriller...very cool! I hope you'll update soon!
| Title: Nice Fic
Reviewed By: Flame Alchemist [MediaMiner Member] On: March 29, 2006 10:35 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I got to say your fic is awesome. I ma still watching the series so a lot of the plot is lost to me lol, but I am still kept interested. Kudos on the writing and great chapters. P.S. i just started my first fanfic so anyone please check it out it's called Angelus Bloodlust I could use all the pointers you guys can give thanx later. Keep up the good work
| Title: FFRG Review Chapter Four
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: November 30, 2005 11:01 CST
Comment/Review:
Oh wow! I'm so glad you submitted this to be reviewed, because it has been an excellent and entertaining read. You've got quite a handle on diction and grammar, and I'm at a loss for finding mistakes with it. The beginning, when you were describing Meryl's parents could use a bit of altering, perhaps. It was just a bit confusing as far as wording goes. They were grammatically correct as far as I can see, but they were still a bit confusing and lengthy. But, it isn't something that has to be changed, but a small suggestion. Overall, I'm impressed with your writing abilities. Great job, and thanks for you submission! Keep up the good work!
| Title: FFRG Review Ch. 3
Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: August 16, 2005 09:46 CDT
Comment/Review:
Very nice, powerful chapter. I am very impressed with your work. I did notice a few grammatical problems (missing commas in places) and a few areas I thought were a bit stiffly-worded, but overall, the things were not dire enough to diminish your story, and I was impressed with flow and dialogue, description and overall feel. Excellent job with that! Good grasp of characterization, and I think that tends to be problematic for Trigun in many cases. I very much enjoyed your submission, and I am grateful to you for sharing it with us! I know your A/N said that this was a problematic chapter for you, but I felt that you handled it well. I hope you continue to write, and I do apologize if this review wasn't quite picky enough for you. Honestly, there wasn't much to pick apart, and I don't condone picking for the sake of it. Thanks again for the entertaining read! Best of luck to you!
| Title: excellent
Reviewed By: shirtlessguy [MediaMiner Member] On: August 03, 2005 19:10 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i enjoyed the chapter on meryl and her new job. I hope you continue to write!
| Title: FFARG Review: Chapter 2
Reviewed By: Tinkerbell Jepardy [MediaMiner Member] On: July 07, 2005 14:13 CDT
Comment/Review:
You have a wonderful grasp on the characters and the emotions that are leading them. This was a wonderful chapter to read. You explored the characters emotions without over doing it, leaving enough to the imagination to keep people reading. The subtle under tones of humor brought out a wonderful light in the story, adding to the seriousness you were portraying not taking away from it. You have a beautiful talent for bringing the emotions of the characters out. It does seem a little chopping in the part around the diner table. The sudden flashbacks do fill the reader in on why Meryl is feeling as she does, but it also takes away from the moment at hand. Making the dinner seem rushed and a little choppy. Over all though it was a well written chapter. Thank you for submitting it to FFAGR.
| Title: FFRG review (chapter 1)
Reviewed By: BakaBokken [MediaMiner Member] On: June 29, 2005 16:44 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks again for submitting your story to the FFRG. Very nice chapter; once again, the descriptions were lovely, and there were no grammar/spelling errors (at least, none that I saw). However, I have a stylistic note - you use a lot of short, choppier sentences in this chapter, which lent the chapter a choppy feel. Stringing a few of those sentences together and changing the syntax around a bit would really help it flow nicely. A few of the descriptions felt like lists, and I understand that you wanted to paint a full picture, but a few of them were a bit overdone. You may want to cut back on those just a little. Meryl's mother's reaction seemed rather cold at first, but I really like how you brought in the emotional side of it towards the end of the scene - nicely done. I do have a small nit-pick on the bit of description where Mother slaps Meryl across the face. Instead of blood trickling into Meryl's mouth (almost sounds like she's being force-fed blood there, whereas the blood's already in her mouth), you could have it trickle across her tongue or something like that. Just a small note... *didn't really want to nitpick* ^^; Otherwise, this is yet another strong chapter, and I still love your prose. Great work, and keep writing! Thanks again for submitting your work to the FFRG.
| Title: FFarg review (prologue)
Reviewed By: BakaBokken [MediaMiner Member] On: June 14, 2005 14:22 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting your work to the FFARG. (I'll be adding on to the previous reviewer's comments... I hadn't realized that this was already reviewed by the FFARG. ^^;) First off, I think you did an excellent job with the voice, pace, and flow of your prologue. Excellent work with imagery - however, a few of the metaphors were a teensy bit underdeveloped. Push the connection just a little further, take out a few unnecessary words, and you'll strengthen your already-awesome descriptions. I personally think it's fine that you left dashes before and after the dialogue (most notably between Vash and Meryl), and the fact that you didn't note who was speaking in the bar really added to the "background noise" feel. Dashes are much more preferrable than ellipses. It's nice to see that grammar & spelling were not an issue (YAY!!!). My only other critique would be that it's unclear exactly when Vash shows up. Yes, Meryl is intoxicated, but it still seems like she's talking to herself for a while and imagining that Vash is there. I didn't realize that she wasn't imagining him until he spoke. Then again, I might not be awake enough to read into it that far yet... Anyway, excellent work so far! This is a very well-written opening sequence, and I like how you pulled it off. The characterizations seemed quite on (though it's been a while since I've watched Trigun), and your prose is quite beautiful. Keep up the great work, and thanks again for submitting to FFARG.
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member] On: June 12, 2005 22:51 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting to FFARG. You have a good idea with your fic. I like how you keep the characters in character and still explore the feelings between Vash and Meryl. You have a solid start to a good story. However, there are a couple of things I noticed when reading over your submission. In the beginning of the chapter you need to make it clear as to who is talking in the bar. It isn't clear as to which random voices are talking. Also, in that same group of dialouge plus the conversation between Vash and Meryl you need to remove the dashes from the front of your dialouge and have them as a regular line of speech. A dash is used at the end of a line of dialogue to indicate when someone is being cut off. Dashes are not used before a line of dialouge when multiple people are talking at the same time. You have a good idea that flows well and moves at a good pace. A second pair of eyes looking over the fic will help you make it even better. Once again thank you for submitting to FFARG.
| Title: Another nice chapter ;o)
Reviewed By: Aine of Knockaine [MediaMiner Member] On: June 01, 2005 16:55 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I can not believe that you haven't received a review over here yet! They are pretty hard to come by... I go by hits instead ;o) Well, I love your story and will always look forward to another chapter!! Later, Aine
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