Title: FFRG review Ch1
Reviewed By: SisiXIII [MediaMiner Member] On: August 29, 2005 17:11 CDT
Comment/Review:
Good afternoon and thank you for submitting to the FFRG, first, I would suggest a good beta (or any beta) and a review of written grammar. There are spaces after commas, periods and quotations, and it's easier for your reader to read your story if you place those in there. You don't actually say anything about how Link got a daughter, and *why* on earth sonic the hedgehog is there. More explanation is needed severely. Generally a three year old cannot whack an adult hard enough to leave a red mark. You need to put double spaces between your paragraphs, (which are non-existent). A first chapter is supposed to set the story, and you don't do that with your first chapter. You could rewrite yourself before you get a beta too so that the beta can help you more by not being distracted by mistakes you can fix yourself.
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