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| "Collide" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Reviewed By: InuyashaNaruto [MediaMiner Member] On: January 11, 2007 22:30 CST
Comment/Review:
Cool I like IT please update soon!
| Title: yay
Reviewed By: Ky0ky0 On: June 16, 2005 20:55 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Woot, I like it so far ^____^
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: May 25, 2005 02:49 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting to FFARG! You have a good start to your story here. I do have a few suggestions to make things a little tighter and easy to read. The first is you may want to consider removing some of the adjectives used to set the scene. While they add detail, too much description bogs down the reader and puts them to sleep. You may also want to work on your hook, the first few paragraphs are critical in luring readers in. Grab them and don't let go. I was a little confused since this didn't seem to be set in the Naruto Universe -- the characters seemed a little off. It may be the setting, but Naruto wasn't nearly as tactless as I see him in the anime. Now onto the good, there were no major grammar errors that pulled me out of the story which is very good. I am pleased to see you used a beta, which is wonderful. Once your story gets going, it is an easy read and fairly easy to understand the plot progression. It will be interesting to see where you go with this. Good luck!
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