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| "Little Girl" Reviews/Comments [ 4 ] | Reviewed By: Gyousei [MediaMiner Member] On: May 27, 2005 14:15 CDT
Comment/Review:
It's a sad poem and a sad subject, sweet poem. I hope you and your friend are alright now.
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: May 25, 2005 00:31 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is a very good poem. I liked the detached voice, personally. It was almost like the feeling of being in shock. I think that some of the words you used were unusual "Dreamworld" and "Route" stand out. It may be me, but I would consider using an alternate word. But that is my suggestion. I would also remove the "and" at the start of "And her insides all burnt" It isn't necessary and takes away from what you have. Other than those two minor things, you have a very very good poem here. I really like the message and I like the execution. Well done!
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: The Panasonic Princess [MediaMiner Member] On: May 24, 2005 12:27 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hrm... well, it was sad and touching, which is what I think you were going for. The wording is a little clinical, though. I would focus on feelings rather than physical things the girl is experiencing. A poem like this is meant to make the reader sad and feeling sorry for the girl. A few of the phrases, like "insides all burnt" make me a little ill rather than sad. But for the most part, I think people can connect with message of the poem. Clinical isn't always bad; you should just reword a few of the phrases. But in all, I think this is a well written piece.
| Reviewed By: LaLa13 (nsi) On: May 22, 2005 10:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
Aww, that's so sweet. Very good. I like it a lot. Please please please update Emergence of a Legend. I really want to read more!
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