|
| "Teen Titans: The Dawn of The End" Reviews/Comments [ 8 ] | Title: FFRG chapter one part 2
Reviewed By: Kellen [MediaMiner Member] On: June 29, 2005 18:49 CDT
Comment/Review:
(...continued) A couple things I did notice, though where a mild typo and a grammar hang-up you seem to have. Near the beginning, in you description of Jason, the word "while" should be "white", I think. As for the grammar thing, it's something I fall prey to: you use too many ellipses ("…") Most of them can be replaced with a period or a semi-colon. Some can stay as they are. A good beta can help out with that, if you need. (There's a thread in the forums, "I Need a Beta", where you can post if you feel you need to. I also noticed a couple words in the conversations near the end that should be capitalized. ("He punched…" is one of them.) Again, you've done a fine job so far, and your strong point is in the description and style. Just watch the grammar, and you'll be fine. Cheers,Kellen
| Title: FFRG chapter one
Reviewed By: Kellen [MediaMiner Member] On: June 29, 2005 18:48 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting your story to the FFRG. You've done a great job so far (chapter one is all I read) and, I can't really comment on characterization because I know next to nothing about the Teen Titans and, in all honesty, care next to nothing about Jason. But, that being said, I enjoyed reading this chapter nonetheless. That speaks volumes about your ability to tell a story. I was impressed by the level of description in this piece. While I'm not squeamish, the description of the first kill (the heart ripped out while still beating) left the desired impression: ew… that's painful, and a tad gross… but good… very well written. I applaud you for describing the gore, but not over-describing it. Sometimes too much takes away from the impact. You might want to watch that in future chapters. (to be continued in the next review)
| Reviewed By: Purplellama On: June 16, 2005 23:36 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
SO COOL!! I mean, ew, yuck, raven just got raped... like four times... eeewwwwwww.... but still! The sex, all in all, wasn't that bad. And... and.... ACK!! I just don't have a word for it!! (Did you take a writing class? If so, by who!?!?! Aaaya, how can any one person be such a good writer??) Anyway, good story once again. Keep it up, eagerly (but also nervously) awaiting your next chappie. (heh... only thirteen here... should I be reading this?)
| Title: Yeah
Reviewed By: JebusOfNazareth [MediaMiner Member] On: June 10, 2005 21:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
Me likey.
| Title: Found the review button!
Reviewed By: Seth Turtle On: June 10, 2005 18:14 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey, I didn't even notice you could review these things! I hope to see more scenes; since the scenes are short, you can surely get them out quickly. Don't lose confidence in yourself. You're doing great!
| Title: I like this
Reviewed By: Juat-a-random-guy On: June 09, 2005 04:44 CDT
Comment/Review:
It's damn good. Just finsihed reading part 4. I can't wait for more. It's great
| Title: Ohhhhh
Reviewed By: JebusOfNazareth [MediaMiner Member] On: June 08, 2005 19:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
Yay. Awesomeness.
| Title: Yo
Reviewed By: JebusOfNazareth [MediaMiner Member] On: June 08, 2005 15:57 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is well developed so far. I like where it's going.
|
|
|
