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| "(FCC) Christmas Rounds" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Reviewed By: Duobat218 [MediaMiner Member] On: December 31, 2001 11:24 CST
Comment/Review:
Definatly a cute story. Deserved to win | Reviewed By: iamfanboy [MediaMiner Member] On: December 26, 2001 21:42 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really liked this! One of the things I detest about DBZ as it's shown on Cartoon Network is that they so rarely explore the characters themselves; instead, they rush from crisis to crisis in some very overblown fashions...
Or maybe I've just been watching the wrong episodes.
...Anyway, there were a couple of grammar errors, including one VERY consistent one. To whit:
"That's okay." Said Bulma, "I've gotten used..."
NEIN!!
to be grammatically correct, it would go something like this:
"That's okay," said Bulma. "I've gotten used..."
...don't bother asking me why it's like that, all I can tell you is that it's bound up in the intricate rules for English grammar... | Reviewed By: Lady Macbeth [MediaMiner Member] On: December 22, 2001 01:47 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Whew! That was a weighty piece of writing!
Your descriptive paragraphs did a lot to paint a vivid picture of what was happening, but at times it seemed almost too wordy, or the words seemed too superfluous, especially in the first half of this fic. In particular, the words "diffuse" and "portal" jumped out at me, quickly becoming tired and repetitive. There were a couple of points where the flowery words didn't really help the description, but more gave it an air of having been under the overzealous use of Microsoft Word's "thesaurus" feature.
The spelling and grammar were ok, but not perfect. In several places words were dropped from a sentence, making the sentence awkward or nonsensical. There were also several misspellings or improper word usage errors.
The story itself seemed to be a run-of-the-mill Gokou/ChiChi conflict, but you won extra points with me for getting more indepth into Gokou's character than most people venture. I think it would really add to the story to also go more indepth into ChiChi's character as well, though, because she is an integral part of this fic.
I admit, this was a kind of tedious read at times. However, the story is solid, and I'm interested in seeing where it's going. I think that with tweaking and some trimming, it could be a very solid fic. | Reviewed By: Kahlan Nightwing On: December 19, 2001 14:13 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Oh, I understand. Three year period and all that...ok, my story does have Veg in it but it's in the seven yr period....not finished yet either....but I still liked it, Bulma's pretty cool, being able to put with that arrogant--well, I won't get cliche here...very good. There is more right? | Reviewed By: Kahlan Nightwing [MediaMiner Member] On: December 18, 2001 14:33 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ok, I KNOW the next chap has Veg-boy in it!!! I'm waiting..... Ah, better ratings when you do Veg....:) |
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