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| "please forgive me" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: This is probably waaaay late, but who doesn't like a review every now and then?
Reviewed By: D-Reaper Originalle [MediaMiner Member] On: June 14, 2007 20:05 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ehh... This fic had potential but it was really, really rushed. I mean, one minute Gene's randomly thinking about Melfina offering herself to him(and there's no looking into whether her motherly instincts towards Jim or some hidden love for Gene or something else possessed her to do this in the first place) and the next minute Gilliam's like, "hey, gene, the power's out" and two sentences later it's freezing. I've had issues in the past with rushing to the 'point' of my fics as well, but try to force yourself to flesh out the story if you continue to keep writing. This fic felt like an episode recap-- we get a glimpse of the bare bones and then we fast forward through about ten minutes, get another glimpse, ff through another ten minutes, and so forth. It didn't have enough meat in it to be a pwp. In summary, there was absolutely no story progression, to the point that this almost felt like a joke fic. The grammar could have been a little better(you read aloud and you are allowed to go outside and play). This was a fic with potential, and I think if you had spent a little more time with it, it could have remained short but been a lot sweeter.
| Title: it's not a one-shot...
Reviewed By: ccam3 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 05, 2005 12:16 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
does it go on?I HOPE SO!!!!!
| Reviewed By: NightBlackWolf [MediaMiner Member] On: July 03, 2005 22:46 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
It's a bit on the short side but it does get the point across. The lemon/rape wasn't that well explained, in a sense more detail could've been put into it since the shorter the story the more details need to be put in. Though if it is just your second story it's understandable, but just remember: details, details, details. The grammar looked pretty good from my view, I don't think I saw any errors though I suck at grammar myself.
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