As I said on ffnet, your stories would deserve a lot more reviews! Since you're asking for comments, and though you published this quite a while ago, there are some things I'd like to point out about this story in particular.
First, the ending of the central part ("even as Akane dragged him through the crowd, not even looking back at the enraged Cologne or the crying Shanpu as she sought Ryouga and escape.") felt really rushed, not to say blotched. You could have elaborated just a little bit.
Second, you raised the question whether Ranma was cured of his curse or not while staying with the Amazons, but finally never told us. Could have been interesting to know, in particular in the bedroom.
Third, you never make clear why Mousse helps Akane. Granted, probably so he has a chance at Shampoo, but he's really running a big risk by doing so, so it would not hurt to dig a little into it.
Fourth and last, Ryoga plays a real important part until... you just drop him. OK, he's no longer "useful" to your plot, but you could have tied this loose end anyway, with a little chat to settle thing between him and Ranma, or whatever.
Nonetheless, I enjoyed this fic very much, and your lemon scenes are still as good as ever, so thumbs up!
Comments
As I said on ffnet, your stories would deserve a lot more reviews! Since you're asking for comments, and though you published this quite a while ago, there are some things I'd like to point out about this story in particular.
First, the ending of the central part ("even as Akane dragged him through the crowd, not even looking back at the enraged Cologne or the crying Shanpu as she sought Ryouga and escape.") felt really rushed, not to say blotched. You could have elaborated just a little bit.
Second, you raised the question whether Ranma was cured of his curse or not while staying with the Amazons, but finally never told us. Could have been interesting to know, in particular in the bedroom.
Third, you never make clear why Mousse helps Akane. Granted, probably so he has a chance at Shampoo, but he's really running a big risk by doing so, so it would not hurt to dig a little into it.
Fourth and last, Ryoga plays a real important part until... you just drop him. OK, he's no longer "useful" to your plot, but you could have tied this loose end anyway, with a little chat to settle thing between him and Ranma, or whatever.
Nonetheless, I enjoyed this fic very much, and your lemon scenes are still as good as ever, so thumbs up!
omg this was sooooooooo good! One of the best fan fics I ever read!