Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Ones They Take For Granted ❯ The Final Obstacle ( Chapter 10 )

The Ones They Take For Granted

By Pareathe

Chapter Ten: The Final Obstacle

~Like the perfect ending, it won't be too long

Till everything I've ruined has seen me gone~

Everything's ready.

Thanks to Bulma's management skills along with Chi's need to stay busy when she's this pissed off, I'm all set to go.

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

On the one hand, I'm sure this is what's best for all of us. I mean, I'm in love with my son's wife, and I've come to terms with the fact that, as long as I'm here, I won't be able to stay away from her. I know it's selfish and stupid and just plain wrong-in more ways than one!-but that's how it is. I can't change it, and Kami knows I've tried. So to ensure I don't do more damage to my family than I already have, I'm taking myself out of the picture. Who knows? Maybe with enough time and a decade or two of training every waking hour until I'm half dead, I'll be able to forget how empty I am without her in my life...

You'd think for all the times I've repeated those words in my head, they wouldn't still reek of total bullshit.

I don't know if it's because I'm about to leave her or if it's because of my talk with Vegeta, but over the past two days, I've become acutely aware of the bond with Videl. It's weird, because I didn't really notice it before. Well, that's not exactly true...I knew it was there in the back of my mind, but I was able to ignore it a lot easier than I can now.

~In time, I pray you'll forgive, now you know the man I am

Can you forgive me?~

Before, her emotions lingered around the edges of my consciousness like whispers and shadows, so it was easy to overlook them, or even mistake the stronger ones like extreme longing or despair as a portion of my own. Unfortunately, that's no longer the way it is.

Now, every single one of her thoughts...every feeling, good or bad, tears through me like a knife. Her presence is always with me, calling out to my soul like a homing beacon, so I can't fool myself anymore into believing she'll be able to find happiness again anytime soon. What's worse, I've sensed her growing doubt in the fact she'll be able to work things out between her and Gohan at all. She's in agony over what she should do and what she wishes she had the courage to do; every time she thinks about what this could mean to Pan, it's like her heart shatters all over again.

If it weren't for one image I see every time I close my eyes-my son's face when he found out about me and Videl-I'd have called this whole damned thing off.

As it stands now, this is the only way I can make up for everything I've done to them. If I stay, there's no chance for anything to go back to normal. I've accepted that now, even though it hurts like hell to admit it. It kills me to know I'm leaving Videl to deal with everything alone, especially since I know now just how much she wants me to stay.

That's why I never wanted her to know in the first place. If it weren't for the bond between us, I'd still be assuming she was in the dark about my plan to leave the planet.

~I fall, like the sands of time, like some broken rhyme

At feet no longer there~

There's nothing I can do about that now. She was going to find out one way or another anyway, though I'd have rather told her myself than have her overhear our conversation over a security camera. Then again, this may work out okay, even if it is cowardly. I'm not sure if I could've handled seeing her cry. I was able to sense her sorrow acutely at the time, but it's still different than watching the tears fall right in front of you...especially when you know you're the one who caused them.

And I'm moping again. Damn it, no wonder my friends are starting to get suspicious!

It's a lot tougher than I thought, doing the 'right thing'. Sure, I've had to make some difficult choices in my life, but this definitely takes the cake. I wonder if it's so hard this time because I don't have my usual confidence in the final result.

I mean, I've always lived by the ideas that things work themselves out in the end, whatever's gonna happen will happen...stuff like that. I've gone into battle lots of times, knowing the entire world's fate rested with only a small group of us-most of them expecting me to be the one who'd save the day-and not blink an eye. But how many times did Chi go on and on about how I cared more about Chikyuu and the welfare of strangers than my own family? I never knew how right she was until this happened.

Now look at me. Just the thought of ever facing off with Gohan again has drained every ounce of hope and resolve I had and sent me running like a dog with its tail between its legs. Yeah, some hero I turned out to be. Not only did I not take care of my family, I nearly destroyed it, and everyday I'm here is one more day they suffer.

That's how I know it's time for me to leave again.

~If only I could call the rain to melt

And wash away the pain you feel, I would~

I wish there was a way I could make Videl understand; the war raging in her heart is almost crippling...to her and me. She doesn't want me to go, I know that. It's not just because she'll miss me either. She hates how disappointed Pan will inevitably be, and she's afraid of the questions she'll be asked. Even though she's not overly fond of my wife, she's worried about how my newest absence will affect Chi, considering she's not as young as she used to be. Videl's also adamant that Gohan will miss me, even under these circumstances. I don't know if it's true or not, but I can't help hoping she's right. If that happens, then maybe, someday, there's a chance he'll forgive me for what's happened.

I hope so, anyway, but maybe that's just the undying optimist in me talking. Hell if I know.

Still, my mind's a lot clearer now than it's been in a long time. Whether it's because I've been camping out in the ship here at Capsule Corporation for the past couple days, away from Chichi's temper tantrums and pot-swinging, or if it's because the time to launch is so close at hand, I really can't say for sure. Maybe neither, maybe a little of both.

Either way, I've had a lot of time to think things over, going over the past months in my head over and over again, trying to get some kind of grip on this whole situation and my own feelings. It's weird too, because I keep coming back to the same thing which I've decided pretty much sums it all up. When it comes down to it, my mind always gets stuck on the night of the Capsule Corps. party, when Videl came to talk to me in this very spaceship...when she told me, despite the guilt and fear she felt, she didn't regret making love to me.

~You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be

For that, I thank you; this was my life, it never made much sense to me~

Good or bad, that's how it is for me, even now. I have lots of regrets, don't get me wrong, but I can't help being grateful at the same time. If it weren't for Videl, I'd have never learned what being in love with someone really meant; I'd still be putting on the face of the idiot and hiding my true feelings; most of all, I'd never have realized just because I'd managed to keep myself from getting killed all this time, it didn't actually mean I was alive. And in the end, she gave me greatest gift of all, the one thing I've wanted more than anything since finding out I was born a Saiyajin warrior.

For those few months she and I were together, I actually felt like a normal man...a common, human man.

No matter how painful it is to lose her now or how much I hate what I've done to Gohan, if I'm really honest with myself, I know without a doubt I wouldn't change anything.

That admission comes with its own set of problems, but I'm trying not to think about those. Actually, I've been wishing I could go back to the days when I didn't think much at all about anything except what was right in front of me. It was a lot easier when I could shrug everything off like when I was a kid.

It's not working too well though. I guess sometimes you really can't go back, but it's only fair. I mean, it's not like Videl even has a choice in her situation. She can't run away. She can't even take some time to herself to think things through. Between trying to keep things running smoothly for Pan's sake and working with Gohan to salvage their marriage, she has to face things head-on. She's doing it too, even though it's killing her inside.

~With every lie that I lived, part of me would fade

Into this empty shadow I've become~

Of course, that's just how she is; it's one of the things I love most about her.

As for Gohan, his spirit is as distant from me now as Videl's is close. I want to talk to him before I leave, although I have no clue what I'd say if I had the chance. Not that it matters. Every time I attempt to contact him mentally, it's like a brick wall goes up in his mind. I'm not even sure if he knows he's doing it either. It may be more of a subconscious thing than a deliberate act, because for the few seconds I do have before he shields his thoughts, I sense turmoil in his heart. It's like a kaleidoscope of conflicting emotions, ranging between anger and sadness to betrayal and loneliness.

I know it's because of our relationship; we've always been more than just father and son. We're bound by a life very few people could relate to. Laughing, crying, training, fighting, protecting...it's always been the two of us, taking care of one another, watching each other's backs.

I love my whole family, don't get me wrong, but Chi and Goten weren't there as we fought Radditz or Vegeta and Nappa a year later. They didn't experience the devastating battles on Namek with Frieza and his cronies. They weren't there when Mirai Trunks showed up to warn us about the androids, and they were safe and sound at Kami-sennin's place when the actual attack was launched. They didn't have to feel helpless as Cell, even in his imperfect form, took countless innocent lives, and they were lucky enough not to be around to witness his perfect power.

~And now I feel so numb, I no longer know myself

But I still know you~

All of those events tie Gohan and me together. Even though a large part of him wishes I would never show my face again, there's another, deeper place which doesn't want to lose me, no matter what I've done. That portion of his soul mourns the memory of years I've spent dead, unable (and in one case, unwilling, I admit) to return.

I never realized how deeply hurt he'd been by my absences until all this happened. Because of it, he feels guilty for feeling relieved I've chosen to leave, which is just piling more self-loathing and misery on top of what's already there.

That's the one thing I'd give anything to tell him, that he shouldn't hate himself because of what I've done. He needs to focus his efforts on his marriage rather than feeling sorry for himself for things he had little control over and can't change. Other than that, I'd probably just sound like a stuttering idiot...not like he'd expect much more, I suppose. I wouldn't care though, so long as I could talk to him. He could do whatever he wanted: scream, curse, beat the hell out of me...whatever.

It wouldn't matter, just as long as I could be near my son one more time before I go. It would all be worth it, since I have no idea when or if I'll ever get the chance again.

The sound of footsteps on the aluminum stairs of the capsule jogs me out of my depressed reverie, and I curse under my breath. I was so caught up in the stuff swirling around in my head, I didn't notice Vegeta heading this way. It's too late to act like I was asleep; he'll already know better by my ki, so I push myself off the bed and get to my feet as the door opens.

~I call, and there's no reply, like some phantom cry on ears too far away

I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by, the only thing I see is you~

Still, I'm not really in the mood for another of his 'If you were a real Saiyajin' speeches.

He must realize it too by the look on my face, if the smirk on his is any indication. Might as well be polite, I guess, since I won't be seeing him again for a while. "Hey, Vegeta. It's kinda late. What's up?"

He stays silent for a moment, as if he's sizing me up. Then, "Your woman just called."

My jaw goes slack for the few seconds it takes before the announcement sinks in. I don't have to ask which woman he's referring to anymore, which makes it even more unexpected. "She...she did?" I manage to stammer out, though it's damned hard with my throat so tight all the sudden. "Why?"

"Do I look like a fucking answering service?" he sneers before crossing his arms with a huff. "Apparently Gohan will be bringing Pan over tomorrow to say goodbye. She wanted you to know."

Oh...so that's all she wanted to tell me. I'm such an idiot, 'cause for a second there I thought maybe-

I give myself a mental slap and run my hands roughly over my face. The last thing I need to do now is start second guessing what I'm doing or wish for things which just can't be. I should be relieved it wasn't something else, not disappointed.

~For all the times you walked the line for me, standing by my side, I say thank you

Here lies my life, it never felt that real to me~

I notice Vegeta's raising an eyebrow at me, so I resort to my typical routine, laughing and rubbing the back of my head. "Right! Wow, I'm glad I know ahead of time. If Pan'd just showed up, I probably would've freaked out and screwed everything up!"

"I have no doubt you would have managed to do so whether you knew or not," he remarks, "but that is not what I came to tell you."

There's something else? I mean, it's after midnight, and even though I've seen Vegeta train for a couple days straight without sleep, it's still unusual for him to seek me out so late. "Is it about Pan?" A wave of panic suddenly smashes my gut. "Did someone tell her about what happened?" I question in disbelief. Surely they didn't, but...

"It's about breaking your bond with the onna," he interrupts impatiently.

I'm sure I look confused as hell, but that's only because we've already been through this. Vegeta is totally against the idea, yeah, but I guess he figured if he didn't tell me what I had to do, I'd try to do it myself anyway. Sure, I'm not as stupid as I've always let on, but I'm no expert on Saiyajins either. The likelihood I could've gotten rid of it on my own is almost zero, and then there's all the risks of mental damage to one or both of us, had Vegeta not filled me in on the finer points, albeit grudgingly.

~You'll always mean so much to me, and there's no reply

And there's no reply, you'll never know how much you mean to me~

So why is he bringing this up now? He made it a point to tell me he'd only go through it with me once. Is he worried I'll forget something and mess things up?

He stops me with a glare before I get a chance to ask; he must've seen it coming.

"Just shut up and listen," he commands, and I snap my mouth shut and nod for him to continue. "I refuse to waste my breath on telling a third-class fool like you what your duty as a member of the Saiyajin race is, and I have no intention of repeating the steps of a ritual you have no right to perform in the first place. As the Saiyajin no Ouji, however, I am obligated," he continues, enunciating each word carefully, "to give you one final warning."

A warning? "But you already-"

This time, it's not so much that I stop talking as my voice has somehow been trapped beneath the weight of his gaze. There's no anger or indignation at all, which on its own is strange, but it's almost like...like he's using both his eyes and his mouth to get this message across. Whatever he's about to say, it's gotta be something major. The last time-hell, the only time I've ever seen him look at me like this was when he was telling me to blast Majin Buu with my Spirit Bomb, even though he was trapped and would die too if I attacked.

"I failed to mention this before, only because it is unlikely to occur. Still, your mate is a warrior, and because of this, there is one last danger you need to be aware of. It is only under this scenario I would be forced to intervene, so you better pay attention, Kakarotto."

~If only I could call the rain to melt

And wash away the pain you feel, I would~

He's definitely got my attention.

Vegeta seems satisfied of it as well, because he finally looks away, releasing me from his numbing stare. "It is my experience humans lack the ability to sense a mating bond, with the exception of times of great crisis or, as my own woman proved when I was killed by Buu, if their mate dies. Even then, the effect of the loss appears to be minimal."

Is it just me, or do I hear the slightest dejected edge to his voice? I wonder if it bothers him, knowing Bulma can't feel it like he can. Then again, I've never asked him what it was like to die and feel her presence ripped from his soul, either. Right now, I get the feeling he wouldn't tell me anyway, and I guess it's beside the point. It's different for me and Videl; we can't be together, and we're both painfully aware of that. I can't imagine anything hurting us more than knowing that.

"Because she understands how to manipulate ki and has trained her mind and body as a warrior, there is a possibility your woman could become aware of what is happening when you begin disengaging your spirit from hers," he growls. "If she does realize it, and if she finds a way to focus her energy on your soul, she would, at that moment, have the power to either help you break the bond, or prevent you from doing so."

"Wait a minute," I choke out after it sinks in. "You mean to tell me she has the ability to keep me from getting rid of the mating bond? But...how?"

This time he looks annoyed. "I have already told you this ritual was rarely used on Vegetasei, but it was always performed with the full consent and effort of both mates involved. In this case, you will be taking advantage of the fact her mind is not designed to carry a bond to begin with, and therefore has little to no control over it."

~You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be

For that, I thank you; this was my life, it never made much sense to me~

I'm beginning to see what he's getting at, and I feel my stomach lurch. "So, if she does gain control, even for a minute or two-"

"She is still human, and I doubt she could withstand the shock of the separation if she tries to fight it. Although she in not sensitive to your bond, it has still become and integral part of her being, just as it is yours," he finishes, his voice somber. "If she is willing to let it go, she will likely be unharmed."

"But..." Do I even dare ask? Too late, of course. Now I have to know for sure, for better or worse. "If she tries to stop it..."

"She will die," he supplies with such finality my blood runs cold.

I knew there was a chance of something happening to me, but that never bothered me much; I've never been scared of death. I mean, I can pretty much go back and forth as I please these days anyway since I keep my body. It's almost a non-issue, and I can train to my heart's content in Otherworld.

But if there's a chance I could hurt Videl in the process...

It's bugs me I never considered this possibility, but what really, really pisses me off is how, after all that crap Vegeta told me about the bond and how to get rid of it, he didn't say one damned word about this until now.

~I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by

The only thing I see is you~

"Why?" I seethe, despite my best attempt to act normal. "Why didn't you tell me the first time I asked you about this? Why now, Vegeta?"

His eyes narrow for a moment, as if debating whether or not to take issue with my attitude. Then he snorts-a sign he's shrugging it off for the time being-and turns to leave. "What I disclose and when is left to my discretion, and any motives I may harbor are mine alone. When I agreed to assist you with this ridiculous plan, I did so only to prevent you from taking an even more foolhardy and drastic measure."

He glowers at me from over his shoulder, then jerks his head back toward the door. "I understand far better than you the uselessness of what you are trying to do," he intones slowly-I'd almost say sympathetically if I didn't know better. "Before I went into space to train for the androids, the onna said something which I found utterly meaningless at the time. Perhaps it will make more sense to a brain-damaged baka like you."

Something Bulma said? Despite my annoyance, I've got to admit, I'm curious to hear this one. By the way he's struggling, it's gotta be a doozy.

"No matter how much you may want to," he quotes stiffly, "no matter to what lengths you will go, it is impossible to accomplish your goals until you are honest with yourself. It is only then, once you have accepted yourself and your situation, when you are willing to face your fears and doubts for what they are instead of what you wish they were not, that you will succeed."

~For all the times you walked the line for me, standing by my side, I say thank you

You in my life, it all meant so much more to be~

Man, you could hear a pin drop right now. I'm surprised something so...mature came out of Bulma's mouth, but it's nothing compared to hearing notoriously proud Prince of all Saiyajins repeat it.

There are several more seconds of tense silence before he finally breaks it with a grunt. "As I said, it was worthless, overly emotional babble to me, but perhaps you can make some use of it." And without so much as another word or a wave, he's gone, the clank of the door echoing through the circular chamber.

I slowly make my way back to bed, falling heaving onto it and covering my eyes with my forearm to block out the lights I didn't bother to turn off. Now the initial shock is out of the way, and I begin running over his words over and over again. Of course, just the thought of me doing something to hurt Videl, again, something that could actually kill her... But Vegeta himself said the chances of it coming to that were really small, right? Right. I can't let myself fall into his trap; I'll bet he's trying to intimidate me using her welfare as the bait. Yeah, that's gotta be it.

But why in the world would he risk humiliating himself on my account? I mean, I've known for a long time-probably longer than even him-he doesn't ignore Bulma as much as he lets on, but to repeat such a thing...that his pride even allowed it is staggering, no matter how indifferent he tried to act.

Then there's what he meant by it. I'm not the best at picking through riddles, but I get the distinct impression it's his way of asking me what I think is really the biggest obstacle to making this plan work: her if she senses what I'm trying to do and fights back, or my own secret, selfish desire not to lose the only piece of her I have left.

Either way, Vegeta's definitely given me something to think about over the next few hours before I take off.

Lyrics: No Reply, Composed by Kanno Yoko/Words by Tim Jenson

(In case you're interested, it's from the Cowboy Bebop-Knockin' on Heaven's Door OST)

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End Chapter Ten

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A/N: Since this note's gonna be a bit lengthy, I went ahead and moved it down here this time. ^_^

Okay, first order of business: Chapter Length. The overwhelming majority of you (as in all but one person I think, LOL, have said you prefer the longer chapters. In truth, I do too, so I know where you're coming from. Still, since I'm putting everything else (just about) on hold to get this one wrapped up and, in all honesty, it takes a lot less time to get shorter chapters done (like a week for ten pages versus 3-4 for twenty pages or more...don't ask me why). Because of that, I've gone ahead and stuck with a shorter chapter again this time, though I can't promise the next one will be any longer/shorter. And of course, if you really don't like the long chapters, I'll direct you to Burned, cause she was the only dissident and said since she's my friend, her opinion should count for the most. I'll be happy to direct any protests via email to her. ^_~

Second: The End Is Near. Yep, even with the shorter chapters, there'll only be one chapter and an epilogue after this, so hang with me just a little longer. About damned time, ne? Hell, I've only been writing this thing now...what? A year and a half now? Hard to believe...anyway, all I ask for is a little more patience, and I'll try to keep on keepin' on till the very end for you guys. Still, if I start to slip, don't be shy about letting me know, okay?

Third: The Song for This Chapter. Okay, I now have to make a public apology. You see, up until about a week ago, I'd been planning to use the song In My Place by Coldplay, which was offered as a suggestion by a reviewer via email. Unfortunately, I popped in my Cowboy Bebop CD, heard No Reply, and started writing this chapter like mad. Since that happens so rarely, I changed my planned song immediately. Of course, halfway through writing, I realized I'd already told the reviewer I was using her suggestion, so (and I don't know if she'd like me using her name, so I'll leave her anonymous for the time being) to the one who suggested the previous song, I'm so, so sorry!!! I don't blame you if you get mad at me...I swear I'll make it up to you somehow, k? *big glossy Hamtaro-esque chibi eyes*

Fourth: Mailing List for Updates. Where to go and what to do is at the end of almost every chapter prior to this, so you guys are probably tired of seeing it, ne? I'll just say backtrack a bit if you're interested in joining. ^_^

Lastly: Beta-ing: In case you either a) noticed a lot of mistakes, or b) noticed I didn't give a thanks to BluEydMnstr for beta-reading, it's because this chapter is, at present, unbeta-ed. I knew many folks who were waiting for this one way longer than they should have had to, so I've gone ahead and posted the raw version. I'll post the beta-ed chapter once Blu fixes me up. ^_^

I'll shut up now. Until next time!