InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Home for Kagome ❯ Aftermath ( Chapter 2 )

DISCLAIMER: Rumiko Takahashi, now and forever, owns 'Inuyasha' and all characters involved. I, now and forever, own nothing but my own twisted plot and any original characters I might add. Hope this settles any confusion. Please don't sue me, I'm broke.

 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: WARNING, chapter contains mention of rape and suicide, though neither rape or suicide actually takes place in this chapter. I am in no way trying to make light of such serious subjects. If you are offended by, or do not wish to read such material, please leave now. You have been warned.

 

Chapter 2 - Aftermath

 

As it started to bucket down, Inuyasha hurried across the Shrine grounds towards the main house. He didn't really care if he got wet, it wasn't like he was likely to get sick or anything after all, but he didn't want to risk offending Michiko by dripping water all over the house. Inuyasha didn't know why she hadn't already thrown him out after he failed her daughter so badly, but he didn't want to do anything to risk changing her mind about that.

 

Inuyasha needed to stay by Kagome's side, he needed to protect her. He had sworn to protect her, and he had failed. He would never be able to forgive himself for that. In fact, Inuyasha was so full of guilt, the only thing that was stopping him from seriously considering committing Seppuku was the fact that he knew Kagome still needed someone to protect her. In the past, he had thought that while she needed protection in his world, he had believed that her world was safe, seeing as there were few if any Youkai and the wars of his era had long since ended. However, if today had proven anything (other than the fact that he was pathetic), it was that her world was most certainly not the safe havan he had thought it was, and that it had dangers every bit as serious as the Youkai of his time. He could no longer convince himself that all he had to do to make her safe was send her home. So, that meant that he had to stay by her side in order to insure that nothing like this ever happened to her again. And stay by her side he would, wherever she went, whenever she went, and despite how many times she sat him for it. He would dedicate the rest of his life to insuring Kagome stayed safe, everything else (as he had heard Kagome put it) took a backseat to that. Everything, including Naraku, Kikyo and the Jewel Shards. Kagome was the only thing that truly mattered from now on. She may never love him like he did her - hell, after today she may never even look at him as a friend again - but that did not matter. He would protect her with everything he had; his sword, his life, even his very soul. And maybe, just maybe, he could one day make up for his failure.

 

Inuyasha entered the house by way of the front door, not wanting to risk waking Kagome or getting rain in her room by going in her window. He was about to head up the stairs to her room, when a horrible smell and the sound of cursing drew his attention to the kitchen. Curious, and secure in the knowledge his nose gave him that Kagome was still in her room, he went to see what was going on. Standing in the doorway, he saw Michiko scraping the burnt remains of something out of a wok and into the garbage, while quietly cursing to herself. This surprised Inuyasha, as he knew Michiko to be a damn good cook, and in the two years he had known her he had never once heard her to use words like that. Then again, considering all that had happened today, it only made sense that she would be on edge.

 

Inuyasha was about to leave and go upstairs to check on Kagome when Michiko seemed to sense he was there and glanced up. Inuyasha felt his heart clench slightly as her eyes met his, fearing what she might say. So far she hadn't told him what she thought of him after today, but he figured that was probably only because they hadn't really had a chance to be alone since he brought Kagome home and she most likely didn't want to yell at him in front of Kagome and upset her more. Now though, they were alone, and Inuyasha braced himself for the barrage of curses and accusations he was sure was coming. Fleetingly, Inuyasha considered that it was a good thing that the mother didn't have the same power of subjugation the daughter did.

 

“It was meant to be dinner.” Michiko said, nodding towards the burnt remains in the trash bin. “Stir-fry. When you came home with Kagome like, like that, I completely forgot about it and just left it burning on the stove. It's lucky the kitchen didn't catch on fire. Anyway, that's ruined but if your hungry I can always make you some ramen.”

 

“Thank you, but no.” Inuyasha said, shocked that she was still being so nice to him after what he did (or didn't do), let alone offering him his favourite modern food. “I'm not hungry.” Truthfully just the thought of eating made him feel sick.

 

Michiko raised an eyebrow slightly. Inuyasha turning down food and being polite. That was even worse than she thought. Then again, she guessed she shouldn't be surprised. She knew Inuyasha well enough to know that he was no doubt blaming himself for what happened to Kagome, and probably expected everyone else to as well. As for the not hungry part, well, if he was feeling anything like she did, she couldn't exactly blame him for that either.

 

“It's just me, you and Kagome tonight.” Michiko said after a moment, trying to break the heavy silence that once again fell over the room. “Souta's on school camp for the next week, and Bejiro,” (Kagome's grandfather) “is at some antique show and isn't expected back until the day after tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to explain this to either of them, and I don't know if I should explain this to Souta at all. He's still so young.”

 

Still not willing to meet Michiko's eyes, Inuyasha nodded in understanding. “I ran into Miroku, Sango and Shippo on the other side of the well when I was getting rid of the bodies. Sango and Miroku guessed what had happened due to the shape the bodies were in and sent Shippo away before they made me tell them what happened.”

 

“You told them?” Michiko asked, somewhat surprised.

 

Inuyasha's ears flattened to his head even more. Was she angry with him for telling? Had she not wanted anyone else to know? Was she afraid that Miroku and Sango would besmirch her daughter's name, make it seem like she was without honour?

 

“Neither of them will do anything to hurt Kagome's reputation, if that is what you are worried about.” Inuyasha said softly. “It's just that, Kagome is like a sister to both of them. They'd figured out enough on their own that if I didn't tell them what I knew, they'd likely just imagine something worse, and I couldn't put them through that.” Inuyasha felt the need to justify his decision.

 

“It's just that…” Michiko said with a slight catch in her voice. “Neither you or Kagome told me what actually happened.”

 

Inuyasha looked at her in surprise. It was true, they didn't. But did he really want to tell Michiko all the details of how he had failed her daughter?

 

“Are you sure you want to know?” Inuyasha asked hesitantly. He dreaded the very idea, but if Michiko wanted to know what he had seen, he would tell her everything he knew. He owed her that.

 

“Like you said.” Michiko said softly. “If you don't know the truth you may find yourself imagining worse.”

 

Inuyasha frowned knowing it was true. Tentatively, Inuyasha told her everything he had seen and smelt when he got to the school, though he left out details of how the boys had died. Though Michiko had expressed grim satisfaction when hearing of their deaths, Inuyasha knew that like her daughter, she was too kind hearted to take any pleasure in the how of their deaths. Truthfully, now that he was no longer ruled by his demon blood and rage, neither did he. By the time Inuyasha was finished, Michiko was crying quietly.

 

“Are you sure that only two of them…” Michiko trailed off, but Inuyasha understood the question.

 

“Yes, I'm sure.” He said. “I could tell by the smell. Unfortunately, I could also tell that if I had not gotten there when I did, that would not have been the case.”

 

“I believe you.” Michiko said softly. “That's why I'm so grateful you did get there. Thank you, Inuyasha.”

 

Inuyasha stared at her in shock. “You're, you're taking me?!?” Inuyasha all but yelped. “But, but I failed to protect her, it was because of me that she…”

 

“No, Inuyasha.” Michiko said firmly, looking him straight in the eyes. Through her own eyes were still wet with tears, they were also filled with conviction. “It wasn't because of you. It was because of them. They are the ones that choose to do it, they are the ones to blame. That's all there is to it.”

 

“That's not all there is!” Inuyasha snapped, angry. Angry with himself. “I promised to protect her, and I failed her. I wasn't there when she needed me most. I knew she was late and I didn't look for her even though I had a feeling that something was wrong. No demon has ever hurt her that much and I just let it happen! I, I promised to protect her…” His voice trailed off to a whisper at the last sentence.

 

“So did I.” Michiko said quietly. “The day she was born, I made a promise to her and to myself that I would always protect her and never let anything happen to her. It took me all of three months to realize that I would never be able to keep that promise. You can't be with her every minute of the day any more than I can, and even if you were wouldn't necessarily be able to protect her from everything. This world is a dangerous place Inuyasha, and it doesn't matter which world you live in for that to be true. Your world is filled with wars, diseases with no cures, and monsters. This world is filled with pollution, drugs and guns. Both have their fill of natural disasters, which could pop up at any time. And most of all, both have people. Humans can be very good or very evil. They can easily be vicious monsters that take what they want care for no one, yet hide under a mask of projected harmlessness. I find it hard to believe that Youkai are really all that different in that regard.” Inuyasha didn't object, it was true. “You can't be protected from it all Inuyasha, it's physically impossible. To be alive is to be in danger. That's life. And even if you could somehow protect Kagome from all that, if you could wrap her in wool and keep her on a shelf like a precious statue or something, do you really think she could be happy living that life? Do you think the fiery, stubborn girl we both love would be happy living a life that was perfectly safe, never taking any kind of chances?”

 

Inuyasha was so taken back by Michiko's reasoning that he didn't even realize she had just stated so matter-of-factly that he loved Kagome. It was true, all of it. He couldn't protect Kagome from everything, and even if he could, she wouldn't be happy living that way. Kagome was too much of a free spirit to be happy with that kind of life.

 

“But…” Inuyasha said, still unwilling to let himself off the hook completely. “But I wasn't there…”

 

“Neither was I.” Michiko said softly, and Inuyasha was surprised to hear a trace of self-blame in her own voice. “I had a bad feeling too, Inuyasha. I was heading out to look for her myself when I saw you leave. And do you know what I did? I came back inside and kept on cooking dinner!” By now, there was more than a trace. “But I know, despite that, that I'm not really to blame for this. I'm sure Kagome is blaming herself as well, because she wasn't strong enough to get away and because she didn't believe the rumours, but she's not to blame either. Yes, we all made mistakes in this instance. The school should have done more to protect their students. The police should have looked further into the previous accusations, whoever that boy's father was. There were so many mistakes made, but in the end no one I mentioned bares the blame for this. No, the responsibility lies solely on the shoulders of the boys who committed the crime and you insured that they payed for their crimes. Does that make the pain go away? No, it doesn't. But we all have to move on.”

 

Inuyasha was silent for a few minutes, while he tried to take in what Michiko was saying. She was right. Of course she was right, but still it was so hard not to blame himself.

 

Suddenly, Inuyasha was pulled out of his thoughts by the scent of tears coming from Kagome's room.

 

“Kagome's awake.” Inuyasha said softly. “She's crying.”

 

Michiko nodded slightly. “I knew she would be soon enough. You better get going. Something tells me you're the one she needs right now.”

 

Though surprised, Inuyasha did want to be the one to see to Kagome, and so he quietly headed out of the kitchen and up the stairs, trying to think of what on earth he could say to make the girl he loved so much feel better.

 

###

 

Seething with anger, Sango tossed the servered hand down into the ditch, along with the rest of the bodies of those who would dare violate her little sister. She hoped they rotted in hell for what they had done, and from the look on Miroku's face, he felt the same way she did. They hadn't even bothered to bury them, they simply dragged the bastards to a ditch that was far enough away from the village that it wouldn't matter whether or not they attracted carrion eaters and left them there.

 

“Filthy bastards.” Sango snapped, barely resisting the desire to spit on the corpses. “Even this is more than they deserve.”

 

“Indeed.” Miroku said grimly as the two of the turned around and started slowly heading back towards the village. “I dare say Inuyasha may have gone too easy on them. Then again, despite what he may wish us to believe, he is a good man at heart and wouldn't have it in him for torture. I'm rather surprised at the extent of some of the injuries as it is.”

 

Sango nodded. “Do you think Kagome's okay?” She asked Miroku nervously. From her point of view, her concerns were justified. Many years ago her at old village, a young woman only a few years older than her had been brutally raped by a man who had moved to their village, hoping to be trained as a slayer. Although justice had been met out and the man executed for his crimes, the young woman had never been the same. She felt her honour was forever gone, and it seemed that most of the men in the village had agreed with her. She had several suitors before the incident, but after every single one of them turned their back on her. That seemed to hurt almost as much was the whispers from many of the other women, who had accused her of being a whore, of wanting it. Overwhelmed with shame and loneliness, she had committed suicide the following winter, seeking only escape. Sango couldn't bear the thought of Kagome's spirit being broken in such a way.

 

Miroku took a deep breath. He too knew of similar cases. “I honestly don't know, Sango.” Miroku said. “Such an attack can leave deep emotion scars on a woman. However, Kagome is strong, if anyone can recover, I believe she can. And I'm certain that Inuyasha, unlike many men, will not turn his back on her in her hour of need. That will help her recovery more than anything.”

 

Sango nodded, seeing his point. If the woman at her village had even one true friend like Kagome had in Inuyasha, things might have turned out very different. “So, what do you think we should tell them at the village? I'm certain neither Kagome nor Inuyasha will want word of this spread around.”

 

“True.” Miroku agreed. “Perhaps we should simply say she was attacked and Inuyasha is staying with her as she recovers in her own world?”

 

Sango nodded. “That would probably be the best answer we could give. Come on, we better get back, I'm sure Shippo's quite worried by now.”

 

As the two walked back to the village, both failed to notice the demonic aura that was fast approaching the ditch where the bodies lay, curious about the mix of smells.

 

###

 

When Kagome first awoke from her nap, she thought at first that it had all simply been a horrible nightmare, and was quite relieved to have woken up. That was until she tried moving, and felt the burning pain between her legs. It was only a moment later that she realised that her chest was bandaged and she was wearing Inuyasha's haori, her school skirt, and nothing else (she had fallen asleep before she had a chance to change, and both Inuyasha and her mother had been reluctant to wake her to change into something else as they both felt she needed the rest)

 

It wasn't a dream, Kagome realized as tears started to fill her eyes. It really happened. I was really… She couldn't even finish that thought in her head and broke down sobbing quietly.

 

Kagome was numb to the world. All she could do was lie there wallowing in her shame and regret. She couldn't believe this. Those boys might as well of killed her, her life was over. Her family, her friends, none of them would look at her the same again. As for Inuyasha, even the dream of being with him had been taken away now. After all, why would he want some slut of a cheap reincarnation when he could have the real thing? Kikyo was still out there, still a virgin, and a wish on the Sacred Jewel could bring her back to life once it was completed.

 

All these thoughts were running though Kagome's head when Inuyasha entered the room. Kagome barely noticed him at first, until he came over to kneel at the side of the bed and gently place his hand on her shoulder. Kagome jerked away, she couldn't bear for him to touch her now. All his touch did was remind her of what she could now never have, and just how dirty she was.

 

Inuyasha, not knowing the thoughts going through her head, felt his heart break as she pulled away from his touch. It seemed to him, that no matter what her mother might say, Kagome was blaming him for not protecting her after all.

 

“Kagome, I'm… I'm so sorry.” Inuyasha said softly, his ears dropping in remorse.

 

Kagome, even in her numbed state, was confused by his words. What did Inuyasha have to be sorry about?

 

“I wouldn't blame you if you hated me forever.” Inuyasha continued, sounding completely dejected, and completely resigned. “I know I should have protected you and that I failed. I'll understand if you can never look at me the same again, but still I must ask if you would allow me to continue to protect you, if you would give me a chance to try to redeem myself, even if I am just a worthless hanyou?”

 

Kagome gasped. He thought this was his fault? That he was worthless? He thought that she… hated him?

 

“Inuyasha!” Kagome said with a gasp, as she suddenly sat up and turned around, headless of the pain the movement caused. “This isn't your fault! How many times have I told you over the years not to follow me to school? I can't blame you because you did what I told you to do. And I could NEVER hate you!” I love you too much she finished in her own mind.

 

“You, you really mean that?” Inuyasha asked softly. Kagome simply nodded, her eyes showing her sincerity.

 

Inuyasha felt like he did while battling Ryuukossei, when Tetsusaiga suddenly became lighter. Like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Kagome didn't hate him!

 

But… “But then why did you move away from me?” Inuyasha asked, confused.

 

Kagome looked down and bit her lip. “Because…” She trailed off trying to think of something to stay that wouldn't leave her with a broken heart. Finally she shook her head and decided to just tell him the truth. She didn't need to fear his rejection now, not when there was no hope of getting together anyway. She found there was actually some relief in that deduction.

 

Kagoome looked up to met Inuyasha's eyes, resigned brown meeting confused gold. “Because I couldn't bear to be reminded of that which I could now never have.”

 

“Kagome?” Inuyasha asked, truly confused.

 

Kagome found her courage slipping away somewhat, as she averted her eyes. However, she pushed on. “I couldn't bear to have you touch me, knowing that after what happen we could never have the kind of future I had been hoping for.”

 

“What do you mean?” Inuyasha asked. He was just getting more and more confused, nothing she was saying made any sense.

 

“I mean that I love you Inuyasha.” Kagome said, surprising herself and absolutely shocking Inuyasha. “I have for the longest time. For so long I had hoped that maybe, just maybe, you would one day feel the same about me and that we could be together, but I know that after today that could never happen.”

 

“Ka, Kagome?” Inuyasha stuttered, unable to believe what she was saying. Any of it, but especially not the part about her loving him. How could she, perfect, wonderful Kagome possibly love him, a worthless hanyou who couldn't even protect her properly?

 

“Please,” Kagome interrupted, feeling the tears return to her eyes despite her best efforts. “If you're going to say it wouldn't have happened anyway, that you don't love me, please just don't say it. Just let me keep my dreams of what might have been. I know that Inu Youkai mate for life, and that you can't accept me after what happened, and I can accept that, but please don't take my dreams away. I can't help the way I feel about you.”

 

Suddenly Kagome found herself pulled to Inuyasha's chest in a crushing embrace. She could feel him trembling as he panted as if he'd just come out of a huge battle and his heart pounded under her head. Just as Kagome wondered what she could have possibly said to cause such a reaction, Inuyasha spoke.

 

“Stupid wench.” Surprisingly enough, despite the harsh words his tone was affectionate. “First of all, I don't know who told you about Inu Youkai Matings, but whoever it was forgot to mention that there's a huge difference between `sex' and `mating'. Just because you have sex with someone doesn't mean you're mated to them, it just means you had sex. Besides which, what happened to you wasn't even sex, it was against your will and no Youkai with a shred of honour would hold such a thing against you.”

 

Kagome sat there in shocked silence. Was all this true? If it was, why was he telling her this after she had begged him not to break her heart by telling her he didn't love her? Because that was the only outcome for her if all her assumptions on Inu Youkai Matings were wrong. Unless…

 

“Oh yeah, another assumption your making?” Inuyasha said, suddenly sounding nervous. “That I don't love you? That's not true either.”

 

Kagome gasped, and pulled back just enough to stare Inuyasha in the face and try to detect any hint of deception in his expression. There was none.

 

Kagome couldn't speak, but Inuyasha seemed to see that and understand why. “I love you Kagome.” Inuyasha said, calmly enough though his eyes were still a little nervous. “I have for so long. I know you thought I only had feelings of friendship for you and that I loved Kikyo, but the truth is for months now it has been the other way around. I still care about Kikyo, and I want to help her find peace, but I don't love her any more. But you Kagome, you mean everything to me, and I want nothing more than to spend my life my your side.”

 

“Inuyasha.” Kagome gasped. “Are you… are you asking me to be your mate?” Kagome felt she like she couldn't breathe. All at once she felt so happy and excited… and terrified. Sango may not have known all the details of Inu Youkai Matings, but she did know that it involved actual mating. After what happened today, Kagome knew she wasn't ready for that and didn't know when she would be ready, but she suspected it wouldn't be for a very long time. Oh, but how she wanted to be with Inuyasha…

 

Inuyasha sensed Kagome's conflicting emotions instantly, and leaned forward to give her a gentle kiss on her forehead. “You're not ready for that.” He said gently, not sounding the least bit disappointed. “You need time to recover from your ordeal before you can even really consider such a thing, and I understand that. I don't want to rush you into something your not ready for, I love you too much for that. Yes Kagome, I want you for my mate, one day. Don't answer right now, just know that when you are ready, the offer will still be there, if you want it.”

 

Kagome smiled, and leaned back into Inuyasha's embrace, trying to figure out how this could be the best and worst day of her life all at once.

 

 

Author's Notes

 

Seppuku - ritual suicide, often used to attenuate shame

 

Thanks to my reviewers, it's people like you that make me feel like writing this is worthwhile. Don't worry, I've got lots more story left, I'm just getting started on this one.

 

For those of you currently reading my other fanfic, `A Birthday to Remember', I haven't given up on that either, it just that I've been having some writer's block with the latest chapter. Hopefully I should soon have that sorted out and a new chapter up for your enjoyment.

 

Name translations (there may also be other translations, but these are the ones I found)

 

Michiko - Beauty / wisdom

Bejiro - Enjoys peace