InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ To Summon a Mate ❯ The Handy Pocket Guide ( Chapter 6 )

 

 

IMPORTANT NOTE!!!- This chapter deals with a few different religious themes. None of the following is meant to insult, offend, or disrespect any religion, or belief system. This is just me taking something I read about and twisting to fit my own desires. Please, no flames. This is all just for fun, so please don't take it personally.

 

Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha and I make no money off this.

 

 

The Handy Pocket Guide to Understanding, Controlling, and Taming Your Very Own Demon!

By Lady Kagura, Mistress of the Western Lands

 

 

Intro Stupid:

 

You poor, poor sucker. Just who did you kill in your last life to be punished by getting stuck with one of these idiots? Male demons, to be put bluntly, are worse then human men. They're possessive, jealous, needy, and completely incapable of putting the seat down. However, they are sexy beasts who know how to shower a woman in expensive jewelry and groveling when they screw up, which they will, many, many times. Regardless of how owning a demon...ahem, having a mate, will eventually benefit you, demons are dangerous bad boys. This Pocket-Sized Guide (And yes I'm freaking serious. You should have seen the tome the last guy wrote up.) is to help future human mates cope with their immortal, dark, and ridiculously hot demonic mate. But first, a quick, short, and oh-so easy to comprehend history on demons that won't put you to sleep.

 

Chapter 1: No Honey, the Stork Did Not Bring the Demons

 

Pay attention now, this part is important. A Long, Long, Long, time ago, there were no demons. There was only a God (choose whatever faith you want, it doesn't matter), some angels, and a whole bunch of humans. God's pretty cool, but back then, well, a whole lot of the angels were idiots. (But then they were male. So it was expected) A small, but powerful group of them wanted to rebel and take over heaven/world/local deli etc, etc. The leaders of these idiots consisted of three of the hottest pieces of beefcake that ever existed, Naraku, Inu no Taisho and Sesshomaru. Working in secret, they discovered that by seducing human women and impregnating them, they could create these super evil, really creepy, horrible little mini-monsters that they could use to overthrow God.

 

I know, idiots right?

 

And even though they thought they were being all stealthy and sneaky, God still found out their little plot. Because God's kind, merciful and cool like that, instead of whacking them with some lighting, He decided to screw with them. God threw them out of heaven, transformed them into the demons you know and hate, and since they liked humans so much, He gave each demon only one woman they could ever get preggers, their beloved mates. Of course, they were all furious and swore they would still use the women to make their army and have a bunch of flings on the side and blah, blah, blah. Then they finally met their mates.

 

Ok, to those expecting this is where the story becomes all light and rainbows...HA!

 

The demons were the original bad-boyfriend horror tales. They were rude, inconsiderate, and a worse bastard then the loser your girlfriend just broke up with.

 

Then God gave the women the gift of the mind meld and subjection necklaces. Then sat back and laughed.

 

Now whenever the demons went to far, their mates could keep them in their place. And whenever they said something cruel, or did something to crush their mates, they felt their pain. Not only did they feel their mates, they began to understand them. It got to the point the demons yearned to make their mates happy and as God intended, they fell in love with them all by themselves. They didn't create any weird, creepy little solider things for their `army' and busied themselves driving their mates crazy.

 

However, not all couples have this fairy-tale ending. But that's another section.

 

A Quick Overview of the Demon Leaders of the Rebellion:

 

Inu no Taisho- Originally the head angel, also the second to be officially kicked out of heaven and turned into a demon. He quickly becomes the Lord of what is known as the Western Lands. He's another idiot at the beginning of his matehood, but he quickly falls for his mate Izayoi and becomes a doting father to their only child thirteen centuries after finding her. He is killed by Naraku in a fight, sending Izayoi to her death as well. His land is passed to his son Sesshomaru.

 

Sesshomaru- The hottest piece of studmuffin to ever grace heaven AND earth. He is Inu no Taisho's son from a fling with an angel before the rebellion. He was the third angel turned into a demon, and the successor to his father's land on earth. (He's found his mate bitches, so hands off!) When Naraku kills his father and step-mother, he returns the favor by killing him. Booyah. Currently rules over the demons in the Western Land and runs a huge conglomerate company.

 

Naraku- This guy makes stereotypical hell demons look like sweet guys who will bring you chicken soup when you're sick. Freak of nature, creepy, evil, and hopeless. He convinced Inu no Taisho and Sesshomaru to join the rebellion and was the first angel to get knocked out of heaven. God didn't get rid of him because he hoped a mate would chill him out one day. For some reason, though the most popular theory is out of jealously, he kills Inu no Taisho, and is murdered in return by Sesshomaru.

 

What is a...demon!:

 

A demon is a fallen angel, or the descendant of one. They're like a human male times twenty. They're faster, stronger, hotter, and make better stock market decisions then your average Joe. They're in all kinds of colors, tend to be built, and can come with fun little extras like demonic tattoos, tails, ears, wings, hooves, and smoldering eyes. They're insanely hard to kill, not even starvation, disease, isolation, or an endless marathon of Mr. Rogers and his stupid neighborhood can smoke these guys. They have to have some kind of extreme wound that would kill a human 100 times over, commit suicide, or die of crazy old age. (For the record, maybe a dozen or so demons have died from old age since the beginning) Don't worry, there aren't to many demons around. Most of the younger ones are second, third generation and while they're horny beasts, their seed is pretty slow. So no, you're not popping out a few hundred kids in your lifetime. They like having you to themselves, plus, even they aren't rich enough to send that many kids to college. Another fun little aspect- all demons have a healing agent in their saliva. When they were angels, they used to be able to heal wounds by touch, but because God's funny, he switched it to their saliva. Plus, this makes great bonding time with your mate, he gets to heal you and grumble stuff like `grrr, I'm gonna kill the bastard who hurt you'. Younger generations may have new powers that I haven't mentioned, or different types of skills and talents. It all depends on the demon. Despite the pain in the ass they are in the beginning of your relationship, they get even worse as they like you more and start getting possessive and moronic. Just wait, you think he's bad now? HA!

 

So What Is A Mate?:

 

At the risk of destroying your pretty little dreams of your demon being your soul mate who was created to love you forever and ever, a demon mate is more like a bane on your life. Because God can't screw around with emotions/actions, (free will and all) He can't really decreed your mate will fall in love with you. So instead, He played around with our anatomy and now we are the only ones who our mates can get pregnant. (Or you're the only who can get your mate pregnant, depending on your sex) Real nice right? The only reason we're stuck with these guys is because he can put his bun in our oven while he can still run around, visiting other bakeries to see their goodies. But that doesn't mean he can't fall for you (and trust me independent chicks, you want him to be crazy about you) So the Big Guy gave us a few tools at our disposal to get him wrapped around our fingers.

 

Chapter 2: Housebreaking your Demon

 

While second and third and so on generations are much better behaved then their ancestors, they still may require a bit of training. Here is a short list of the best ways to control them.

 

The Mind Meld-

 

This is feminism at its finest ladies (and men for the few lucky ones to be mated to a female demon) Regardless of what your demon might have told you, the mind meld is truly for us. The mind meld allows us to share thoughts, feelings, emotions, what you're seeing/hearing, and physical sensation with each other. While demons can force their way through anyone's mind without permission, they don't get that privilege with their mates and family. Demons and their mates are meant to be equals and be partners. Despite their need to wrap us in cotton and hide us away, they do not get access to whatever they wish. That is why mates are able to push their demons out when they want five freaking minutes of silence. (Now who can say God has no sense of humor?) This also bonds your demon closer to you, allows him to feel your pain/happiness/boredom/homicidal desires, and chill out whenever he `lets' you leave the house. You can also feel his emotions/feelings/sensations. But be warned sisters. Mind melding during the beginning of your relationship is more important then a limitless credit card on Black Friday. Without that daily connection, he can easily become a self-centered jerk who will run off with another woman after he lands a kid in you. This is a hugely significant factor in your early days of bonding that prevents him from going all Naraku on you. Demons need to do this instinctively, but if they are reluctant, push your own way in. But if they're crowding you, don't hesitate to push them out. They're big boys and can take the rejection. Just make sure you allow them a bit of their fix everyday until you're more committed.

 

Binding Necklaces and the Like, Not Just an Awesome Accessory!

 

These were more necessary for the earlier mates of demons. Binding or subjection necklaces, bracelets, rings, earrings, etc, were placed on a demon and the mate was given a `safe word'. Whenever the demon got a little to excited/cruel/horny, the mate would utter the safe word and the demon would perform some type of face-plant into the ground/floor. Besides creating a safety net for the mates, it was a whole lot of fun to watch. For some reason though, God felt this went against the whole equal partnership he was trying to promote among demons and their mates. So as the demons got better, these were discouraged and mates removed the bindings when they felt they could trust their mates. There are a few cases were the woman abused this power however. It's all right and good to toss him down when he's being a bastard, and to maybe throw in an extra one or two for revenge, but some of these chicks went crazy. They were forcing their demons down for the littlest things, And like a dog that keeps getting beat, their demons turned mean. And let me tell you, it takes a lot of therapy to get these guys back on the right track, never mind the ones who never recovered at all. I can't say this any clearer, DON'T ABUSE YOUR POWER! And don't ever use one of those creepy binding prayer beads. (To those of you not in the know, this is where a mate, usually one with some kind of spiritual power, literally sucks their demon into these tiny prayer beads.) Not only is it dark, airless, and tight, it can weaken a demon to almost death and cause fatal wounds and sickness. And considering these guys can get hit with a mack truck about fifty times and still walk off to go bench their daily 250, prayer beads aren't a great option. If you ever use one, even once, it can completely ruin your relationship with your demon. And that's really not good.

 

Itty, Bitty, Baby Swimmers-

 

For whatever reason, be it population control, weird autonomy changes, or God just wanting a good laugh, demons have extremely slow/lost/confused sperm. It can easily take a century or two to create Demon Junior with your mate. There's nothing wrong with you, it's allllll him. This gives you guys plenty of time to like each other and for you to wean your demon of any stupidity habits before Baby arrives. Your eggs will be fine, there's no chance you can die from childbirth (though you still get those lovely labor pains) so chill, and hope by the time you finally have a kid, college costs won't be more painful then childbirth.

 

Chapter 3: Lovely Little Symbols of Mating You'll Be Tempted to Whack Your Demon Over

 

Ah yes. These are oodles of fun. Stupid possessive idiots...

 

Mating Marks/Tattoos;

 

They're exactly what they sound like. Little marks of your demon's family insignia posted on your body to let other people `who you belong to'. Kinda like a wedding band that's branded into your skin. All your demon has to do to place one is to lick an open cut on your body. (And before you go `ewwwww' demons can't have/spread AIDs or most other diseases.) But the mark itself can appear anywhere, normally on a spot that fashion dictates to remain bare. In ancient Japan, they use to appear on the back of woman's necks because it was fashionable to show it off. Indian mates tended to get theirs on their stomach, Irish mates on their ankles and so on and so forth. Because in today's modern world, a handshake is usual for many different things, newer marks will appear on the palm of your hand. Sometimes, if you glare at your mate hard enough, the heat from your stare will brand your own little mark into his skin. But otherwise, demons don't worry about this. Lucky them.

 

Colors:

 

Besides marks acting as permeant wedding ring, you can also consider them mood rings. Marks change color depending on the status of your relationship.

Red- Hatred

Orange- Anger

Yellow- Freaking sick of each other

Green- Jealousy

Blue- Happy, loving union

Purple- Pregnant. All other males should stay back if they like their balls were they are.

Pink- Disgustingly happy/demon is a metrosexual

White- Same as blue, seen on darker skin tones.

Black- (Smudge from water that landed on the ink) Watch (smudge...smudge) sister dears.

 

Other Little Marks:

 

Sometimes you may have other little marks appear on your skin. Go ask for a second opinion in that case. You're weird.

 

Chapter 4: What NOT to Do

 

Don't ever look at your demon as you would a human. This puts you at a huge disadvantage right away because demons are nothing like human males. Things Average Joe might get slightly annoyed over will enrage your demon to a frothing beast, while what gives Joe's a hissy fit will only get an amused brow lift from your demon. Keep this list in mind while dealing with your demon.

 

Do what I told you to do about the binding jewelry and mind melds- I can't stress this enough. Use these tools to tame your demon, not break him.

 

Don't let him push you around- If he thinks he can, he'll happily walk all over you like a doormat.

 

It's in your best interest for him to fall for you- I'm sure this rubs more then a few of you wrong. I know I kicked and screamed when I found out I was stuck with some guy when I wanted to be free. But you have to remember he doesn't want to fall for you either. So unless he has ulterior motives, he's going to resist you by being a jerk. Trust me, you don't want to be popping out babies for some loser you hate.

 

Watch him carefully during the first few days- Demons are creatures of habit. If you don't make positive progress with him within the first week of your meeting, then it's going to be very easy for him to resist falling for you. Even though God can't mess with your emotions, he didn't stick you with anyone you're not going to fall for. Remember that. If he gets in the habit of being a jerk, it's worse then kicking a drug addiction.

 

Shoot down those storks- It may be a good idea to avoid having sex with him right away. Yes, yes, I know how hard it is considering how hot and talented these guys are (Oh God do I know...) But in order to keep him from going into asshole-mode there should be some kind of emotional connection the first time. Not just to douse your fire. If he can distance himself from you, it'll be easier for him to plant his kid, and start building his harem.

 

Chapter 5: ...damn it, I can't think of a title...

 

...ok, the rest is just blank pages. I wanted to scare you guys with a super-huge book. HAH!

 

And as for the end...

 

Demons are annoying but as long you guys don't screw up, you should end up being happy with each other. While God can't force either of you to love the other, He's careful to match make you with someone you can easily fall for. And I'll admit, even when they're being stupid, it's no hardship to accept the jewelry they offer. Alright, alright, they're really not that bad to hang around with either, ok? And don't worry about your kids being creepy and evil, it won't be a problem. Have fun, and resist from killing your demon. I'd hate to waste the demon slayer's time by sending them after you.

 

 

AN: Just thought I'd mention, but in my own church, we see God as this kind being who can forgive anything and everything. Besides being merciful, I've always felt He had a great sense of humor. Turning angels into demons might be a bit beyond humor, but eh, it fits my purposes. If He hasn't struck me down for posting this, I'll see you guys next Friday! Please keep reviewing!