Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Tale of Two Wallets ❯ Phoenix Pill Follies ( Chapter 18 )

A Tale of Two Wallets

(An Altered Destiny)

Written by Jim Robert Bader

Proofread by Shiva Barnwell

The crowded terminal of Tokyo International Airport was busy with the hubbub of daily human traffic going to and fro to their appointed flights, so no one took much notice of the old woman standing by herself in the midst of all the casual confusion. Had any cared to pay much attention they might have mistaken her for a child's plaything as her diminutive stature gave little indication of the gravity and command of her station.

Cologne was quietly contemplating the modern marvels of the outside world, and by that she did not mean the sleek modern jets, which were noisy and excessive in their use of fossil fuel power. Nor was the presence of so many times more people than were known to live in and around the area of Joketsuzoku itself of much interest. Instead what held her fascination were the dispensary machines that offered every kind of useless good, from the pre-packaged foods and carbonated beverages to the tobacco products that were ten times more lethal than anything else associated with air travel. The one that caught her eye, of course, was the dispensary that offered life insurance in case of an accidental crash on board an airplane. That was truly curious to her since the statistics clearly demonstrated that travel by air was far safer than the risks involved in ground travel.

She chalked it up to the anxiety that modern people felt when placing their lives and welfare in the hand of the flight crew and a machine designed to fly the length of an ocean. It only took reports of one crash to make some people dread the possibility that they would be next, even if logic said otherwise. That people traveled by plane every day with relatively little mishap was a fact that failed to reassure them, so they put their trust in a policy all but anonymously co-written by the logic of a computer. She supposed the gesture was meant to appeal to their basic superstition but she wondered how they intended to collect on their policy should their karma be against them.

All at once she put aside foolish considerations of such mundane matters, straightening self-consciously as a prickling down her spine informed her that she was no longer alone. She turned her head slightly as she sensed a figure as it stepping out from between the folds of time and space, translating itself to her chosen destination. One moment later a second elderly woman joined the first as Kho Lon, the Matriarch of the Joketsuzoku, regarded Lo Xion, her fellow Elder and one-time friend, now bitter rival, and a force to be respected.

"<So>," the newly arrived Elder remarked in their native language, "<Where is this supposed Lore Master apprentice you wished for me to see, Matriarch>?"

"<I will take you to see her>," Cologne replied, "<I trust your trip was uneventful?>"

"<Folding myself into the timespace gap of the cargo bay was hardly a relaxing flight>," the other old woman said with slightly ruffled dignity, "<But I can't complain about the accommodations, and not all of us can ride a carriage borne by four trained birds, now can we?>"

"<I see your sense of humor is the same as always,>" Cologne snorted, "<This way, I have rendered the services of a cab, it will take us to Nerima where you may judge for yourself the quality of your new apprentice.>"

"<I trust you haven't briefed her too much on what is to be expected upon my arrival,>" Lotion asked as she and Cologne fell into step together as they departed the crossroads terminal, "<It would be a shame to build up her expectations should it prove that she is not as worthy of my interest as you suggested in our communion.>"

"<I think you will be far from disappointed in this one,>" Cologne assured her fellow elder, "<I have observed her myself and believe her potential is exceptional. She knows nothing about her new destiny and has only been informed that you will be paying her a visit.>"

"<And when did I last allow myself to rely upon your judgement?>" Lotion sniffed snappishly, then her tone grew level, "<I sense that there is more to your story than you wish to share at present. The boy whom your great granddaughter claims for her husband intrigues you, and you find his other potential wife almost as intriguing a challenge. You believe that you could do as well in teaching her if she had your inclinations.>"

"<I will confess that I believe that she would make an impressive warrior,>" Cologne admitted, "<She has ignored her earlier training in the warrior arts for almost ten years, but at the rate with which she seems able to learn and adapt to new techniques I believe that it would only require that she hone her reflexes and build up her stamina to where she could fight at her full potential. However I also believe that her way is not that of a fighter. She is of the opinion that she can get by perfectly well on her wits rather than use force to directly obtain her objectives.>"

"<Good for her,>" Lotion sniffed, "<There are more than enough muscle-headed fighters in our village, but just because she is sensible does not mean she has the potential to master my teachings.>"

"<I may lack your expertise but I think that you will find Tendo Nabiki has the potential…>" when she noticed that her companion had ceased forward motion and was looking at her in surprise.

"<TENDO Nabiki?>" Lotion asked, "<As in Tendo Soun, the foreign man who once tempted the heart of my granddaughter?>"

"<The very same,>" Cologne's eyes twinkled with mischief but in most other ways she kept her regal bearing and did not betray her amusement, "<I thought the coincidence was interesting and I was going to get around to mentioning it to you once we were on our way to Nerima.>"

"<Interesting,>" Lotion's eyes narrowed in reflection, "<So it is Kimiko's child who is the cause of my summons. Very interesting indeed. Silk would be most fascinated to learn how the father is getting along…and I sense that he is now available as well. Most interesting…and worth further contemplation.>"

"<So you see,>" Cologne resumed, "<I do believe that this matter requires your delicate approach as I will confess that my preference is the more direct approach. Once you meet the daughter of Tendo Soun you will know that she indeed has her mother's potential.>"

"<That has yet to be determined,>" Lotion said gravely, turning to her fellow elder, "<Your interest in her is curious. Is it possible that she reminds you of someone else from very long ago?>"

"<Perhaps,>" Cologne said just as gravely, "<And perhaps I wish to avoid repeating a mistake made in my youth and inexperience. Even we Elders can know regret for past misjudgment.>"

"<Only some have more to regret than others,>" Lotion said with faint derision in her tone, as though she were not addressing her nominal superior on the ruling counsel, "<You may do with the boy whatever you like, but you will cease all activities in regard to the Tendo girl, at least until I have made my determination.>"

"<Agreed,>" Cologne replied, "<She is yours for the duration.>"

"<Then let us be on our journey,>" Lotion replied, starting forward again, "<I am curious to meet this girl who so impresses you. Perhaps my journey will not be wasted after all.>"

"<That is my hope as well,>" Cologne agreed as they fell in step together and she guided her one-time friend towards the parking area and a very nervous taxi driver…

The Journal of Nabiki Tendo Resumes:

"I'm off," called Ranma as she exited from our house in her waitress uniform. I watched her go feeling wrought with anxiety and helplessness over her exhausted condition.

"Poor Ranma," said Kasumi at my side, "He's working so hard at his new job, and I don't think he's getting enough sleep to make up for it either."

"I'll say," agreed Akane, "The way that old woman pushes him around, making him act like a circus performer to amuse the customers….it's so disgusting! Why don't you put a stop to it, Nabiki? He listens to you…at least sometimes."

"What can I tell her?" I asked as I stared at the gate forlornly, "Ranma thinks she has to do this to get her manhood back, and the old woman just dangles that locket in front of her eyes tempting Ranma to go all out to take it from her. I've tried making her see that she's being played with like a puppet on a string but…she's still convinced she can take it from her."

"Maybe in a million years," Akane scoffed, "I hate to admit it but that old woman is good, a lot better than our fathers or Ranma or even…"

"Nihao!" hailed a familiar voice as Shampoo came into our yard with the same bright, chipper attitude that she displayed every morning, "Is Ranma ready for ride to restaurant?"

"You just missed her, Shampoo," Kasumi said in pleasant greeting, "She got an early start, she must be a very hard worker, and I understand that she's very popular with your customers."

I stifled a bitter laugh at my older sister's naïve summary of Ranma's job at the Nekohanten. Since she started working for Shampoo's great grandmother their establishment had been tremendously popular, especially with the schoolboy crowd as both high schoolers and college students crowded in to watch the acrobatic antics Ranma performed like a trained pet at Cologne's masterful direction.

"Ranma no think he still can beat great grandmother?" Shampoo asked, seeming to echo my mental sigh with her own wistful insight, "He very stubborn, very determined fighter. Great Grandmother keep him very busy, he no quit. Great Grandmother very impressed with Ranma he no give up. He keep trying to gain Phoenix pill until maybe he actually beat Great Grandmother."

"Yeah," Akane snorted, "If she lets him. That old lady is fast, and she's a lot better than Ranma ever was."

"Three hundred year make Great Grandmother most powerful fighter among Elders," Shampoo noted, "He getting better, much faster every day. Is good training for fighter. Very soon Great Grandmother maybe teach him new technique to make him even faster."

I turned to look at the purple haired Amazon with incredulity, "Training? You mean this is all about training? Giving him the Full Body Cat Tongue, making him work it off while trying to get that pill away from your Great Grandmother…that's training?"

Shampoo nodded affirmatively, "Is Amazon way to challenge warrior to become even better fighter. Ranma go all out to take pill from Great Grandmother, not work so hard if it only exercise. All he need is good motivation…"

"What?" Akane reacted with a half-laugh of dismay, "You mean she's got the baka jumping through hoops because that's your idea of training? And poor Ranma is utterly clueless, like a puppet on her string," then she did laugh as if finding the idea of Ranma as a marionette was utterly amusing.

I wasn't quite as amused as I said, "Shampoo…Ranma's close to the point of collapse! You don't mean to say you approve of this?"

"Shampoo learn same way," the Amazon said with a wistful sigh, "Great Grandmother teach many difficult thing, only later Shampoo know why she make Shampoo upset first before teaching. Great warrior conquer anger, learn go all out, no hold back in training. Shampoo learn very hard, always train, Great Grandmother expect only best. Want Shampoo become Matriarch of tribe some day, so she teach Shampoo to be best warrior of generation."

"And what do you want, Shampoo?" Kasumi asked her, "Do you want to be Matriarch?"

Shampoo looked at my sister as if no one had ever asked her such a thing, then she shook her head from side to side and said wearily, "No want be Matriarch, but no matter what Shampoo want. Tribe need strong leader and Great Grandmother think Shampoo be worthy someday. Shampoo content if live to be Elder. Much rather spend time with family, learn many things no learn as child of village."

"So why don't you just tell the old prune to back off if you don't want the job?" Akane asked practically.

Shampoo eyed Akane as if she were from some other planet. I decided to intervene at that point and said, "I understand that it must be hard to refuse someone as important as your Great Grandmother, but she ought to know that you have rights of your own, Shampoo. What kind of a leader would you be if you let her decide everything for you? Your life belongs to you, after all, not her."

"Great Grandmother…" Shampoo hesitated, "She raise Shampoo, teach her much that she know, always there for Shampoo, always help when Shampoo sick or lonely. No sick very often, but Great Grandmother tell many stories and sing songs to Shampoo at night. No want Great Grandmother be angry, no disappointed…"

"What about your mother and father?" Kasumi asked, sounding a bit hesitant as she broached a subject that neither Akane nor I would be willing to bring up on our own for obvious reasons, "Aren't they proud of you and what you've accomplished?"

"Hai," Shampoo brightened a little, "Father very proud have strong daughter. He outsider, learn ways of Amazons, sometime spend time with Shampoo. Mother also say she very proud…but no spend as much time with Shampoo. She healer, always busy nursing sick people in other villages, only see Shampoo once in a while. Sometime Shampoo miss her very much…"

"Wait a minute," Akane said before I could, "Your mother's alive…but it's your Great Grandmother who raised you? How the heck did that happen?"

"Shampoo not know," Shampoo shrugged, "Parents make arrangement when Shampoo very little, come live with Great Grandmother, only visit sometime with parents. It decided Shampoo become Matriarch same way, maybe parents want see daughter become strong leader of tribe. Mother no seem interested, much too young become Elder…"

"Hold on a moment," I finally managed to frame my thoughts, "Your mother made a deal with your Great Grandmother to train you to become the Matriarch, and your father went along with this?"

"Why father say no?" Shampoo asked simply, "It no his decision."

"Right," Akane snorted once again, "Men don't count for a whole lot in your village, do they?"

"On contrary," Shampoo sounded surprised, "Men very valuable in village. Many young men leave for big city when Shampoo age, men who stay behind much valued…"

"She means you don't take their opinions into consideration," I said, "I take it there are no men on the ruling Council?"

"Man be Elder?" Shampoo looked puzzled, then seemed to finally grasp what we were saying as she added, "Oh…you mean men no make decisions in Council. That always way of Amazons, is believed men no have right…what is word for…" Shampoo then used a word in Mandarin as she looked at Kasumi.

"Temperament," Kasumi replied, "Or attitude, depending on your meaning."

"Temperament," Shampoo repeated the word several times as if to commit it to memory, then nodded towards Akane, "What angry girl lack, unless mean attitude, which she have a lot of."

"Hey!" Akane protested.

"You no worry," Shampoo taunted, "No one mistake you for elder in training. You no control anger, it control you."

"Why you-!" Akane did what came as natural to her as breathing and took a swing in the Amazon's direction, but Shampoo seemed to have anticipated it in advance because she was already vaulting into the air over her head, and when she landed behind Akane she thrust a finger out to tap her in a spot between her shoulderblades.

"Hey!" Akane cried as suddenly her legs gave out underneath her.

"You slow and clumsy girl," Shampoo tched, "How you defeat opponent if you think with fists and no head? Need work on balance too, maybe you think about this while you sit down?"

"Shampoo," Kasumi said in a chiding tone of voice.

"No worry," Shampoo said brightly, "Feeling come back in few minutes. Maybe angry girl think about strategy. Next time you make it much more interesting, no give away attack."

Akane fumed with a few choice words that made Kasumi blush, then punctuated her speech with a surly, "I'm going to get you for this…!"

Shampoo ignored the threat and smiled at me, "You come with Shampoo, Nabiki? We go check on Airen see he all right?"

I heaved a sigh, "All right. You gonna be all right, Sis?"

I should have known better than to ask. If there is one thing my baby sister cannot stand it is being made to look like a fool, and I knew from the determined look in her eyes that she would be in training until she could put the Amazon in a hospital, which I judged to be a long ways in the future.

Shampoo decided to walk her bike when I declined to make a suicide run on the handlebars, as she had suggested. I'd already seen what her idea of commuting was like and I'd swear that Evel Kenieval had better watch his Guinness book records. Since it was not a very long walk to her place the conversation between us was muted for a block or so. Finally I spoke up and suggested that maybe she should not try to provoke Akane in quite so blatant a fashion.

She just smiled at me and said, "Angry girl now family to Shampoo, Shampoo look out for family. Akane no bad as ordinary fighter go, but no good enough to belong to Shampoo clan. She need learn control temper, so Shampoo help her learn control, then maybe work on build up speed and balance. No need work on strength, she plenty good at that."

"Yeah," I couldn't help smiling, in spite of a twinge of feeling disloyal to my little sister, "So getting her mad is just training."

"Is way of Amazons," Shampoo replied, "Warrior need learn concentrate power, focus anger like weapon. Akane learn because she hate be weakling. Shampoo make amends for bad memory technique, mistake she make last time she think Akane maybe rival for Ranma."

"You thought…?" I was incredulous. The very idea that Akane would have any romantic inclinations towards my iinazuke was just ludicrous! The two can barely stand to be in the same room together! I wondered how Shampoo could have gotten such a completely wrong impression.

Apparently she did too, but she explained herself before I could ask her, "Girl seem protective of home, resent Shampoo presence, make challenge as maybe warrior would who want take boy from Shampoo. How I know you really one who want take Ranma from Shampoo? You no warrior…" she made a heartfelt sigh, "Sometime Shampoo no very observant, or maybe sneaky girl good at hiding real feelings."

I found that difficult to credit considering what my mental state had been at the time of her first "visit," but what I said in reply was, "You know I wasn't trying to hurt you at the time, Shampoo. I was angry because you came between me and Ranma for a while, but I really didn't understand you at the time…"

"Shampoo know this now," the Amazon reply, hesitating a little before adding, "Maybe she do same thing in you place. Not know…I no Lore Master."

"Shampoo," I hesitated, deciding to by-pass the now familiar reference to my alleged potential in an art that I utterly did not comprehend at this time, instead asking another question that had been much in my mind of late, "What did you think Ranma was doing in our house? You never suspected he might be engaged to me or one of my sisters?"

"Never cross mind," Shampoo replied with a wistful expression, "Ranma great warrior, thought maybe it honor you have living in House of Anything Goes school. Any family back home very proud to have warrior with his stature, even if he male half of time. Many Amazons very jealous Shampoo have such powerful husband. Shampoo fend off many challengers for right to husband, never think Sneaky girl be one who get him."

I had to look away as I thought about that one. How did Shampoo feel about losing Ranma to someone like me? It had to be a pretty big blow to her ego, and yet here we were talking like old friends with a mutual problem.

"Shampoo…" I hesitated before opening up to her more sincerely, "When you first showed up I may have gotten the wrong idea about you, but to be fair you did create a pretty negative impression. I mean, the first time I saw you was right after you put a big hole in the side of my dojo…and how the heck did you do that anyway? I thought it was those maces of yours, but I've seen you put big holes in walls with your bare hands! I can't believe you're really that strong…"

I saw Shampoo give me a smug look as she eyed me sidelong, "There trick to it…it called Breaking Point Technique…Bakusai Tenketsu."

"Bakusai Tenketsu?" I repeated, thinking a more accurate translation would call it "Exploding Point" technique.

Shampoo paused in mid motion and turned to regard the wall that we were walking by. She set her bike down on its side then casually walked up to the wall and thrust a finger at its surface.

Almost immediately there was a shattering explosion, and then when the dust and rubble settled Shampoo withdrew her hand and there was a hole in the wall large enough to walk through, beyond which I could see an old gentleman sitting in a lawn chair reading a newspaper looking up at us with a very curious expression.

"All things in universe have Breaking Point," Shampoo explained as she picked up her bike and started walking again as I numbly followed, "Rocks, ground, everything! Is ancient Technique used by Amazons for three thousand year, even feared by Yellow Emperor. Great Grandmother teach Shampoo when she very little…"

"How?" my voice was decidedly unsteady and I tried to firm it up as I asked again, "How did she teach you to do that?"

"When Shampoo maybe eleven," Shampoo replied, "Great Grandmother tie up with rope and suspend from tree with only one finger of hand exposed, then have Shampoo crash into large boulder tied by other rope over and over until she learn use breaking point. Is very effective teaching."

"She WHAT?" I blurted, thinking this girl was either putting me on or that Cologne and Genma had similar training methods.

"Technique also teach Shampoo toughen up body," Shampoo added, "No be injured very bad. It only one of many techniques Great Grandmother teach Shampoo, and one of easiest to learn. Shampoo have adopted cousin also learn technique at same time, only she learn much, much faster…"

"That's…inhuman!" I finally blurted out.

"No," Shampoo sighed, "Very human way to learn method. Shampoo never forget, make it easy go where Shampoo want to go…"

"Easier than using a doorknob?" I asked, still in shock at the casual brutality of these training methods.

Shampoo seemed to be searching for words as we came in sight of her restaurant, then finally she blurted out, "You think Shampoo stupid girl she no make use of door knob when she enter building. Shampoo not know what things for, never have in village…"

"What?" I asked, "Knobs…or doors?"

"Both," Shampoo replied, "What point having door? Amazon never have trouble going where want to go, so what point? Flap over entrance always good enough for privacy, and Amazons no mind weather."

I really had to think about that one, then came to the conclusion that it made a kind of warped sense, after a fashion. If there were Amazons who could shatter barriers with a touch then a locked door was hardly going to provide much deterrent, and as for burglary or theft…well, any thief fool enough to raid the house of such an Amazon was likely to have an extremely short career. I began to get a true appreciation for just how rough and basic life had been for this girl, which explained her blunt mannerisms and lack of social grace. Who needed to learn manners when you knew you could beat up anyone else your age? Yet I was coming to appreciate that there was a lot more about this Amazon than the simple mountain peasant I had mistaken her to be during her previous visit.

As we entered the Nekohanten Shampoo began to call out that she was back when we both paused, seeing Ranma dangling several bowls of hot Ramen on her outstretched arms and head, using a pair of chopsticks gripped in her teeth to dangle a plate of steaming hot noodles in the same precarious fashion. She somehow managed to get the whole order delivered to the proper tables, then staggered away with bleary eyes, looking ready to drop in her tracks at any second.

"Ranma," I stepped around Shampoo to get a better look at my poor iinazuke, "Are you all right?"

"Oh yeah," Ranma faintly murmured, trying to put on a smile, though the effort was too much and finally caused her eyelids to slide shut like a pair of shutters. I moved to intercept her and by sheer luck caught her up in my arms, but Ranma was so nerveless to the touch that I found her face landed on my chest in just such a suggestive way as I might have enjoyed had she been even slightly conscious.

"Ranma!" I cried, clutching her to my bosom before staring up at Shampoo, wondering what kind of impression we were creating.

To my relief Shampoo did not seem overly concerned by the intimacy of our embrace and instead asked, "Is Ranma okay? Shampoo not know she this much exhausted!"

"So," a voice cut in before I could formulate a reply, "The both of you are here. Very well, revive Son-In-Law then bring him around in back. I have something I wish to show him…"

"You-old woman!" I snapped as I glared viscously at the Elder, "How dare you do this to her? Can't you see you've worked her half to death?"

"If you are so concerned about her then follow me," Cologne replied without apparent concern for my anger, "I trust the both of you know how to get your husband's attention, even when he is in this state."

My desire to say something nasty at the Elder's back was cut short when I heard Ranma murmur faintly, "Just another five minutes…I'll get up…honest, Oyaji…"

I turned to look down at the redheaded girl nestled between my bosoms and found an incredible surge of protectiveness welling up in me. I didn't really want to wake her while she was like that, but I knew that we were creating a scene as people began to whisper throughout the restaurant, pointing in our direction. A wicked impulse took over, then, and I smiled as I said, "Wake up, Saotome," and I began to rub my chest against her cheek. Even through the material of the thin shirt I was wearing I was pretty sure that Ranma could feel their firmness.

"That good idea," Shampoo said brightly, stepping forward to take Ranma out of my embrace and plant her face against her own chest, being even more expressive in rubbing herself against the redhead until I could almost swear that Ranma's pig tail stood on end.

"Gah!" Ranma exclaimed as she pushed away from Shampoo, flushing as crimson as her hair as she looked from one of us to the other and back again, "What are you guys doing here?"

"Great Grandmother say follow her out back," Shampoo replied without answering the question, "Think maybe she have something important tell Ranma."

Deciding by mutual consent that keeping the old woman waiting was a bad idea, we followed Shampoo around back behind the Nekohanten where we found Cologne tending a small fire in the alley. Once she was certain that she had our undivided attention she produced a bag of chestnuts and tossed them into the fire, then paused as her ancient eyes studied the flame then…in a burst of incredible speed, she reached in and plucked out the chestnuts, her hands moving so fast that they were not burned at all by the flames.

She explained that this was called the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken, or "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" technique, a legendary Amazon training method passed down throughout their history that produced phenomenal speeds beyond what human beings were supposedly capable. I was flabbergasted, of course, while Shampoo was delighted, thinking this meant her Great Grandmother approved of Ranma and thought him worthy of this advanced technique. Ranma, on the other hand, was inspired to at once go home and train in this new method, so Cologne gave her the rest of the day off and we all wound up back at the dojo where Akane greeted Shampoo with a surly glare but wisely did not renew her earlier assault.

Instead she noted with curiosity how Ranma made a fire in the yard and then attempted to duplicate the old woman's performance. Naturally she forgot one simple significant detail in that she could not stand to get close enough to the fire to practice the Amaguriken, or "Chestnut Fist" technique. Her hypersensitivity to heat prevented her from mastering this system, which pretty much rendered the whole exercise self-defeating.

Cologne then showed up to ask what progress was being made, and when Ranma admitted her failure the old woman demonstrated the technique once again, only this time with Akane present. I noticed that my sister seemed unusually intrigued as she watched this performance, then when Ranma left she asked for an explanation and actually held her temper in check when Shampoo explained it to her, then added the sweet barb, "Of course clumsy, slow girl like you no master Amaguriken. Think too much with fists, no enough with head. You try use brute force you only get singed fingers."

"Oh yeah?" Akane flared, "Well, we'll see about that!"

I had to stifle an amused smile, privately conceding that Shampoo's teaching methods were indeed highly effective.

Ranma was in a low funk, however, until Daddy showed up and offered to help by suggesting that we needed to unwind for a bit and forget about our recent troubles. He reminded us that there was a fair in town and then he offered Ranma some money so that she could have a good time and treat me like a proper fiancée. Once again I kept the smile I felt sternly from my features, realizing that the money Dad gave Ranma was actually his tobacco money. Apparently Daddy was prepared to make a sacrifice for everyone's benefit, which brightened my mood considerably and gave me hope that we might actually make it through the evening.

Shampoo decided to tag along, and neither of us could think of a good reason not to have her with us. Akane, on the other hand, begged off going to the Fair and instead decided to stay home and practice the Amaguriken. I had a feeling that she would keep at it until she had third degree burns or had mastered the technique, either way she had that determined look in her eyes that said no one could talk her out of it. I privately hoped that she picked up on the hints Shampoo had been dropping her coyly and let it go at that. I was determined that Ranma and I would have a good time no matter what, even it if killed us.

Ranma was behaving like she did not much expect to enjoy herself at the fair, but no sooner had we arrived then she threw herself into it with real determination, spotting every booth as a challenge to her abilities. Shampoo seemed as bemused as I was in following Ranma everywhere, watching her win prize after prize until both of us were weighted down with stuffed animals and the fruits of her labors. Ranma's spirits seemed to brighten, just as my spirit soared to see her smile once again and even laugh with enthusiasm.

Before too long, however, I heard something out of place for the environment of fun, a child crying because the contest he was playing was decidedly rigged against him. It was one of those goldfish tank deals where the idea is to use a paper net in a wire loop to scoop up goldfish and deposit them in a bowl. The paper used, however, was as flimsy as toilet tissue and could never support much weight, more like fall apart on the slightest contact with the water.

Shampoo seemed as much concerned about the crying child as I was, while I was strongly tempted to cite the guy running this cheap scam to the better business bureau. Shampoo wanted to help, but seeing that this was cold water we were dealing with she naturally shied away. Ranma, on the other hand, was already in her cursed form and so had less to worry about. Like me she regarded the creep running this deal with contempt, but unlike me she was unfazed by the challenge of the paper netting.

Both Shampoo and I stood back and watched the cool way Ranma set about posing in front of the tank with her scoop in one hand and a fish bowl in the other. Then with an incredible burst of speed she began to scoop up gold fish after gold fish, depositing them in each and every one of the tiny bowls provided. Her speed and accuracy were phenomenal, and in seconds she had emptied the tank of every one of the goldfish.

The Barker was horrified, seeing his livelihood threatened by a pale slip of a girl in Chinese dress. To prove what a lousy sport he was he pulled out a new tank that was filled with live piranha and challenged Ranma to fish them as well or forfeit the goldfish she had won. Over my fierce objections and Shampoo's voiced concern Ranma calmly insisted that she could do it, explaining that it was just a matter of speed…and that's when both of us came to the same realization.

Speed! Exactly like the Amaguriken! I suddenly realized the whole purpose for Cologne making Ranma wait hand and foot at the Nekohanten, slaving like a dog catching bowls of hot Ramen while dueling over the pendant. The whole thing was a ruse to get Ranma to gradually build up her speed as a subtle form of training! Ranma had unknowingly mastered the Amaguriken and had just displayed it with water while fire had been a deliberate misdirection!

With a cry of "Special Training!" Ranma dove into the task of separating the piranha into separate containers with the same smooth efficiency she had displayed with the goldfish. Once this was done she gave a hoot of joy and hightailed it out of there before either Shampoo or I could react. We turned a look at one another and knew at precisely the same instant where Ranma was going, so we dropped our prizes at a booth and followed after her.

Shampoo did not leave me behind as she well could have done as she instead lead me to a special rear entrance to the restaurant. To my considerable surprise she showed me a hidden stairway that took us underground to a cavernous chamber where we just caught the tail end of a fight between Cologne and Ranma.

We saw Ranma arching towards Cologne, who was afloat in a large bucket, and while in the air she launched her Amaguriken assault, then vaulted away while the water around Cologne erupted from the air pressure of a thousand blows launched in a matter of seconds. Ranma then perched above the water on Cologne's own stick and brazenly displayed the pendant she had taken in all the confusion. She popped it open and produced a pill that she proceeded to swallow before I had time to warn her against it.

Turns out the pill was a mere lemon drop as the old woman had cheated, hiding the real pendant while flashing a phony copy. Ranma was horrified to discover that her aversion to heat was still very pronounced as she proceeded to fall into the pool of heated water that Cologne was floating in, which naturally turned him back to male but caused a massive wave of scalding hot pain that-combined with his exhaustion-caused him to black out and need a prompt rescue from me and Shampoo.

We fished him to the side then laid him out on the floor while Cologne hovered a short distance away. Shampoo began applying the healing skills that had made her services valuable to Doctor Tofu while I rounded on the old woman, prepared to unleash a royal tongue lashing over the way the dried up old prune had been abusing my Ranma!

Instead Cologne looked back at me with supreme indifference to my wrath and said, "The boy was not badly harmed, and I would not risk such a specimen in a casual display such as this. He will recover under my great granddaughter's gentle ministrations and be fit enough to train in a new system when he is fully recovered.'

"Why you…" I searched for a word that might be effective in getting her goat and could not think of anything sufficiently improper, "How can you be so heartless? Making Ranma jump through your hoops like that! Don't you know how much he's going to hate you for this when he recovers?"

"Heartless?" Cologne raised an eyebrow, "Perhaps to you I may seem that way, but I am doing this for the boy's benefit as much as to provide Shampoo with a worthy husband. I will say this once to you both: Saotome Ranma is the finest student that I have ever so far encountered. No one his age has ever come as close to besting me with the Amaguriken, not that the boy was ever really all that close to begin with."

"Is being the best all that means anything to you?" I argued, "Doesn't it bother you at all that there might be other things that Ranma can learn besides fighting? What good does it do him to be the best if all he is ever really good at is being a fighter? There are lots of other things he can do, you know…!"

"Oh?" Cologne asked, "Can you name one other thing he is as good at besides fighting?"

I fell silent and cursed myself for not thinking that far ahead in my tirade. I tried wracking my brain for something besides Martial Arts that I knew Ranma to be good at and could not think of any practical thing that would satisfy the old woman. Instead I said, "He just is! After all, he's Ranma!"

Then behind me I heard a very low groan, "Would it have killed you to think of at least one thing, Nab-chan?"

"Ranma?" I whirled about, concern for his welfare suddenly crushed by the sight of Shampoo embracing him happily. The jealousy I had not been feeling all day suddenly asserted itself full power now that he was in male form, however temporary.

"Cut it out, Shampoo," Ranma shook off the Amazon's embrace as gently as he could, only now Shampoo took it in better grace than anyone might have expected. Ranma looked himself over then said, "I guess the pill worked after all, huh?"

"Oh, it will," Cologne suddenly held out a locket identical to the one Ranma had grabbed, "Just as soon as you ingest the real Phoenix pill and not another placebo."

"What?" Ranma was outraged as he good to his feet, "You cheated, Old Woman! Not fair!"

"Sticks and stones, Sonny boy!" Cologne chuckled before turning and hopping away, "I'll let you know when I'm ready to renew our little game. For now I suggest you remain as far away from cold water as you can manage, because the moment you change it will be permanent! Only the Phoenix Pill or my touch can cure you, and I'll never do that until you agree to marry my granddaughter. You can even have the Tendo girl as a consolation prize…"

"Hey!" I protested, discovering that I like the idea of being someone's "consolation prize" about as much as I welcome an audit!

"Ranma," Shampoo said simply, "I no know great grandmother use deception to cheat you. In Shampoo eye you deserve Phoenix Pill. No want you forced to marry her if you no want Shampoo…"

"It ain't like that, Shampoo," Ranma informed her, "And I'm not blaming you about it or nothing. That old ghoul just gives me the creeps! C'mon, Nabiki, let's blow this joint. I've had enough of these games for one night."

I heartily agreed with him there, but I was feeling a tad bit of irritation with him over the friendly way he and Shampoo had exchanged words just now. It still amazes me even now to realize how angry I was, and after I thought I'd come to accept the fact that Shampoo is probably now a part of our lives that we'll have to get used to…

Nekohanten Restaurant, same time:

A figure looked away from the bowl of steaming hot noodles, set before her and smiled to herself before murmuring softly, "<So, you've come this far on your own, have you Child? How very like your mother. This most definitely promises to be an interesting experience for the both of us. Your training will begin very shortly, my new apprentice, and once we set you on the true and proper path your destiny will be glorious. A pity your mother is not now with us to watch events unfold as they must, though in her honor I will pray in hopes she may watch with approval from the Heavens.>"

Lotion paused as if to listen to voices that only she could hear, then she spoke levelly again, "<Ah yes, the blind one has also followed Shampoo to Japan. Curious…this does complicate matters somewhat. On the other hand what a perfect opportunity to test my apprentice against an unknown element that threatens her iinazuke. Yes indeed, things are definitely about to get interesting here in Nerima…>"

Continued

Comments/Criticism/Clam-dip with a side order of Peking Duck: Shdowmane@msn.com