Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Tale of Two Wallets ❯ A Challenge Issued ( Chapter 60 )

A Tale of Two Wallets

(An Altered Destiny)

Written by Jim Robert Bader

Proofread by Shiva Barnwell

Vice Principal Hiro stared across his desk at the stupefying beauty that had sauntered lazily into his office. He was too stunned to think coherently for several seconds, and only after she had prompted him to acknowledge her voice did he bid her to sit down, mesmerized by her every movement, the way her chest expanded when she took a deep breath, the way her tight-fitting skirt hugged around her curvaceous hips, and the sensualistic purr of her voice when she was speaking.

"You wished to see me, Hiro-san?" she asked, "Your phone call made it seem somewhat urgent."

"Ah…" with great effort Hiro forced his mind back onto the original purpose of this interview, and after swallowing hard he managed to stammer out, "Um…well…yes, Miss Hinako-san. Your name came up when I was going through Principal Kuno's notes, and I did some reference-checking and found that you came highly recommended…"

"I do good work," she said with matter-of-fact calm, "As both a teacher and disciplinarian."

"Um…yes," Hiro fought down the mental image this conjured up of leather boots and a bull whip and tried to steer his mind back to the subject at hand, "According to these references on my desk, you have a reputation for quelling disorderly classroom situations and bringing order to at least two other high schools, Kolholtz being one of those two campuses in question. That is truly impressive, a most remarkable achievement for one who has only recently become a teacher."

"I am proud of my reputation, sir," the woman's eyes gleamed with amusement, "Bringing order out of chaos is what I do best, and where it concerns the delinquent activities of quarrelsome students, I have own edge that I bring into play with great effectiveness."

"Er…of course," Hiro paused to give another swallow, his eyes drifting down against his will to take full stock of her visible "inventory," giving him an uncomfortable swelling in his pants that he tried to ignore before he continued, "Well, I see no problems with your…academic background, and your qualifications appear to be in order. We're desperately in need of someone with your charms-AH-I mean your skills. You see…there is this situation in our school that is quite out of control and beyond our normal means of coping, and you might just be what I-ER-what we need to help us get a grip on your thighs-AIII-Uh-on the situation! That's why I was searching through Principal Kuno's notes when your name came up…"

"Speaking of which," Hinako asked with a lilt to her chin, "Where is Principal Kuno himself? He was the one who first made the inquiries about me, was he not? I was expecting him to meet with me today…"

"Oh, ah…he took ill, rather suddenly," Hiro replied, mentally amending that the illness went a lot farther back than anyone could remember, "He's convalescing. I've assumed all of his responsibilities in his absence and have the authority to make hiring decisions, pending confirmation by the school board." He silently amended that he wished the senior Kuno a very LONG convalescence at the institution that his son had him committed.

"That's good," Hinako leaned forward, showing off a better angle of her cleavage, "Then you're the man I should be coming to from now on, right?"

"Hah?" Hiro asked blankly.

"For any difficulties that I might encounter," she amended, as if that had been her first intention, though her smile suggested otherwise.

"Uh…yes, of course," Hiro sobered himself up by thoughts of what his wife might do to him should she discover that he was taking such an interest in a younger woman.

"Good," she sat back in her chair and gave him a rueful smirk, "But before you do hire me, I'm afraid that I must come clean about something. It's what I have to explain to all of my prospective employers about my peculiar…condition."

"Er…nani?" Hiro had only been able to stay focused on part of what she had been saying. It was the seriousness of her tone that made his mind snap back to the present.

"You see…" she started to say when Hiro thought his eyes were suddenly playing tricks on him, because it appeared as if she were suddenly…shrinking? "…Though I am an adult and legally of age to teach, I do not always look my age…" her voice went up in pitch, and suddenly she appeared quite childish, "In fact, this is what I normally look like. Surprised?"

"H-Huh?" Hiro adjusted his glasses, trying to make sense of Hinako's sudden de-aging! A sudden sense that he had been lusting over a cute adolescent nearly sent him into a panic, for he was not was a pedophile!

"I'm not really a little kid," she smiled up at him with a very kawaii expression that belied her statement, "It's just that the technique I practice stunts my normal growth so that I only look like an adult after I've drained battle auras. The Happo Five-Yen Satsu has had that effect on me, but because of my technique I can put down even the worst juvenile delinquents and…"

A knocking on the door to his office caused Hiro to jolt back in his chair and say, "Yes?"

"Sir," one of the teaching assistants who had stayed after hours to help clean up poked her head in through the door, "We've got a problem in the corridors! That old man who was raiding the girl's locker rooms this morning is back, only I think he brought a younger cousin or something…"

Hiro heaved a sigh. Why him? Being in charge meant having to deal with these peculiar situations, but it was easy to see how Kuno Godai had been driven mad in the first place!

"A delinquent is in the hallways?" Hinako pushed out of her chair and turned to look at the teacher's aid, "Show me where he is!"

The aid blinked her eyes upon being so curtly addressed by a girl who did not appear old enough to even be in high school. Seeing her blank stare caused Hinako to huff and push past her, storming out of the office before Vice Principal Hiro could say anything about the matter.

"Wait!" he cried, thinking of his own encounter with the wizened old pervert on the previous day, "It's too dangerous! You might be hurt!"

He rushed out of his office, followed closely by the teacher's aide, only to find Hinako taking a firm stance as she glared in the direction of a fast-moving figure that had a sack of lingerie slung over his shoulder.

"What a haul, what a haul!" the old man was saying.

"Halt delinquent!" Hinako said dramatically, and began to perform the Happo Five Yen Satsu.

Happosai was just complimenting himself of deciding to use his natural form instead of his new cursed identity in order to raid this "treasury" after hours. The laundry room that was used to wash the sweaty outfits of the women had been ripe for the plucking, and now that he had molested several of the lady teachers he had encountered he felt charged up and ready to return to the dojo and have a serious chat with the "Old Woman."

The thought of the word "Old" brought a chuckle to his face. She was exactly the same as he remembered her so very, very long ago! She had fooled him with her disguise, but Happosai had revealed her secret and now knew that Cologne was as beautiful and ageless as any Cherry tree in full bloom. She would pay for deceiving him, he vowed, by rewarding him with what he most desired of her-a hug! The thought of glomping onto her chest brought a secret pleasure to his expression, and he almost did not look where he was going until he was almost upon the little girl performing the coin-trick. A flash of recognition came too late as he suddenly felt the spell take effect as hie aura drained away, leaving him weaker than a kitten.

"H-H-Hinako…chan…?" he managed to gasp, too faint for her ears to pick up over the roar of his draining.

Vice Principal Hiro and his companion gave a sharp intake of breath as Hinako filled out once more, resuming her full voluptuous height and dimensions before she placed a slippered foot on the shriveled up old man and declared, "Behold the terrifying power of the Anything Goes Happo Five-Yen Satsu! You were a fool to think that you could challenge me, delinquent, but now you know better."

Vice Principal Hiro gasped as he suddenly comprehended that this was the technique that Hinako had been referring to before…a truly awesome and terrifying power that gave her an incredible edge against even so dangerous a character as the Old Pervert. Draining their Battle Auras caused her to change into this vision of the Heavenly Kami before him, and with the number of dangerous martial artists in Furinkan, it meant that she would probably be changing often, which meant…

He managed to maintain his dignity and composure, adjusted his tie to relieve the tightness there and asked, "How soon can you begin teaching?"

"As soon as you like," Hinako smiled coyly over her shoulder, "I rather thought that little demonstration would convince you."

"Oh yes…it was…most convincing," Hiro swallowed once again, oblivious to the glare that the teacher's aide was giving him upon recognizing his behavior.

"Tomorrow then," Hinako said as she turned to saunter away, "No sense wasting precious time that could be better spent getting to know my students."

"Oh, quite," Hiro smiled, anticipating the day that was to come as he mentally ran down the list of Hinako's potential victims.

Hinako turned to leave, as did the others, forgetting all about the withered old man lying prone upon the floor, which allowed him to crawl off by himself until he found a source of cold water and could splash himself, changing forms to that of his youthful self, which partially restored him.

"Hinako-chan…" he whispered, then with a look of determination he declared, "I must warn the boy, otherwise Ranma-san will never know what hit him…"

Nabiki's Journal Resumes:

I stood there feeling the effects of one too many surprises in a single day. My father had a spine? That was almost as shocking as seeing Akane sprout wings and turn into an Angel!

Seeing him square off in preparation to battle with that Amazon was an experience that I don't quite know how to classify, because the most I had ever seen Daddy do was work out with Akane, and that only sporadically when he thought that she needed a few pointers. I had seen Silk working out with Comb and I knew that she was very good, even without that silvery flute she carries around as her primary weapon. Here she was preparing to fight with my father without it, bare-handed, which I guess was kind of like handicapping herself for his sake, but I could tell from the way she posed herself that she was very, very good, and quite knowledgeable about the part since she combined aspects of both a warrior and a Lore Master together. I could tell just by looking at her that she already had Daddy's number and would likely be playing with him from the moment hostilities were commenced.

Of course I was also concerned about the motives of my nominal sensei for allowing this to happen. Lotion clearly knew something that I didn't know about the situation, but there being no chance to ask her what she knew I had no choice but to stand on the sidelines and watch as daddy and the Amazon went through the motions of exchanging salutes. Daddy's bow was traditionally short and formal, but Silk's was a more elaborate affair worthy of a ballet dancer, rising up to stand on one-leg while slowly moving her arms so that one was pointed straight up at the sky, the other directed at daddy before she brought her leg down, slow and sensual-like, to stand in a fighting crouch, as nimble as a panther.

Her smile was predatory, but then again I've noticed that Silk likes to smile a lot, so you have to read by shades and degrees the type of smile she adopts to get a glimpse of her true motives.

Like that the fight began with Silk moving smoothly from one leg to the next, her slippered feet making light contact with the ground as she made a slow circular motion, as if trying to come around at daddy from an angular direction. My father countered by making less graceful motions of turning to meet her face-forward, and he did not rush to attack right away but seemed to be studying her for openings. He clearly had respect for Silk's fighting potential and was not about to take her for granted.

I noticed Akane coming up to join me out of the corner of my eye, and Ukyo moving up beside her with the Amazons following suit. I didn't turn around when my younger sister asked, "What is Daddy doing sparring with her? Doesn't he know what could happen?"

"He knows, child," Elder Lotion replied in a tone that almost sounded like it implied a "Wait until you're older" hidden context.

"Sure hope you're right," I heard Ukyo exclaim sympathetically, "Sure taking their time getting to it, though…"

"You think so?" the Pink-haired warrior who had the curious name of Ambergris replied, "Look closer. From where I stand they're sizing each other up and will make probing thrusts at any moment."

Sure enough, Silk broke the impasse by launching an aggressive attack that looked to me like an acrobatic forward-roll that culminated with a solid kick to Daddy's chest. My father almost managed to brace himself as he was knocked backwards several meters, but to my surprise he rolled with the impact and came back to his feet with a handspring, then resumed his guard with a look of determination that I can't even remember ever seeing in his eyes until then. When Silk tried to press her advantage he laid into her with a series of punches and kicks that drove her back and temporarily put her on the defensive. Silk avoided his thrusts but was unable to penetrate his guard when she tried darting around to flank him. Daddy's longer reach and superior strength held the Lore Master at bay while the two of them darted about the yard exchanging blows, very few of them connecting.

"Wow," I heard Ranma exclaim, "Your Pop's not holding anything back! It's like he's trying to hit her or something, but I didn't think he was the type."

"Oh my," Kasumi added her own observation, "Father hasn't fought like this in ages! The only time I ever saw him look like that was when he was sparring with Mother."

"Indeed," Kodachi noted as I was just starting to react to that last statement, "A true warrior, your father, and here I had thought him merely retired. I never suspected he was this good…"

"Neither did I," noted Comb at our sides, "He wasn't even like this back in the days when I knew him. He was always too scared to fight with Silk, like he could seriously hurt her."

"Maybe he's just grown up and faced the facts," Atsuko chimed in, "Women are the superior breed, after all, or isn't that what you Amazons are always saying?"

I was spared the need to make a sardonic comment when I saw Daddy rush in and surprise Silk with an attack that was as sudden as it was explosive. She raised her arms and blocked the kick, but enough force penetrated to throw her half the length of the yard before she landed on both feet, barely hurt but looking more than a bit shaken. Yet for some damned reason when she straightened up all I could see that she was still smiling.

"Very good," she complimented, raising one leg as she assumed what I thought was a classic crane stance, "You've improved a lot, Soun-chan."

"Thank you," Daddy said as he raised her fists in preparation of launching another attack, "So have you."

That was the only intermission or exchange of words they gave during the whole fight, and in the next instant Silk launched her own impressive onslaught, the wind picking up around her and spinning her like a top as she seemed to actually fly across the distance separating her and Daddy, spinning her body as she launched a kick that knocked him sideways, which she followed up with a backward-reverse dragon stamp that doubled Daddy over.

"Ooh, that's gotta hurt," I heard Atsuko comment, "Another few inches lower and Soun-san would be singing soprano."

"Don't worry," I heard Comb grunted, "Knowing Silk, that's the LAST place she's going to hit him. After all, she wants him fully operational for later."

I scowled as I considered the implications of this while Daddy was busy fending off a flurry of kicks that were coming at him so fast that they almost sounded like a drum-roll. Silk was driving him to the edge of the yard and had only a few inches to go before he would go bouncing off the nearest section of wall there, but to my surprise he absorbed the punishment and managed to catch one of Silk's ankles when she was a bit too slow in retracting her leg. Like a flash he spun her around and drove her into the wall, but Silk caught her momentum with two fingers and rebounded backwards, delivering an upward-reverse razor kick that forced Daddy to release her.

The minute Daddy staggered back the Amazon was ready to rush him, but the moment she came within arms reach he reacted with a speed that was quite surprising, given that I'd never have suspected him of having such low animal cunning. It turned out the supposed opening he gave her was merely a feint, and the moment Silk got within arms-reach he fell backwards and gripped her by the forearms, planting a foot in her chest as he rocked onto his shoulders, propelling the Amazon into an airborne tumble whose trajectory seemed inevitably the Koi pond.

To our collective surprise, Silk managed an incredible acrobatic twist of her body and came down with her feet barely poised upon the edge of the pond, her posture as poised as if she were choreographing her own dance steps. Daddy took advantage of the fact that she had no where to retreat and sought to rush her again, but Silk moved without seeming to and Daddy went right by her and into the pond, splashing with the fishes.

"Heh," we heard her say, "Don't tell me you never saw that coming?"

To our surprise (especially Silk's) Daddy's hand emerged from the pond and grasped Silk by one ankle, causing her to gasp in surprise before she was rudely yanked off-balance to land on top of him, where he proceeded to wrap his arms around in a hug. Silk fought to free herself but his size and strength gave him the advantage in the water, so she desisted at length and said, "Not bad…that was sneaky."

"Thank you," Daddy replied, letting her go, "It would seem that we're both wet. I suggest we postpone the rest of this until we change into dry clothes."

I saw her smile turn impish as she suggestively leered, "I'd be willing to continue without clothes if you wouldn't mind it, Soun-chan?"

"Hah?" Daddy's face took on a stunned expression, giving her the opening to turn and kiss him, which further left him dumbstruck.

"Don't worry," she said when their lips parted, "That wasn't the kiss of death or marriage, that was just practice."

"Hah?" Daddy replied, even less coherent than ever.

Comb left our side and stalked over to the koi pond, placed her hands on her hips and scowled down at Silk as if she were an angry older sister, declaring, "I hope you're satisfied! Just what the hell was the point of all of that? Supposing grandmother had seen the two of you carrying on like a pair of overaged adolescents?"

"We meant no harm," Daddy replied with a sheepish expression, coming out of his daze to give Shampoo's mother a look worthy of a schoolboy.

"Come on, where's your sense of fun?" Silk teased her fellow Amazon, "There was no harm done, and it was only practice."

"Practice?" Comb snorted, "Practicing for what? That looked serious enough to me, and even though there wasn't a clear victor here, you can just imagine what grandmother would say…"

"And what would I say?" asked a certain young-seeming Matriarch, who just happened to put in an appearance at that moment.

"Huh?" Comb whirled to stare at the blue-black haired woman at her side, "Who are you?"

"You don't recognize me?" Cologne said with obvious amusement, "I'm disappointed… granddaughter."

"Granddaughter?" Shampoo's mother scowled, "Where do you get off calling me that? Are you a member of our clan? I don't recognize you from any of our neighboring villages…"

"Comb," Silk said softly, "That's the Matriarch, your grandmother."

"Huh?" Comb glanced back down at Silk, who was just then climbing out of the Koi pond, "What are you talking about? She doesn't look a thing like grandmother!"

"Nevertheless I am," Cologne said with a dignity that implied her many years, an impression totally undermined by her youthful voice and appearance.

There was a slight pause before Comb said again, "Oh wait…is this some joke you're playing on me? Another one of your damned illusions, Atsuko?"

"Hardly," Atsuko chimed, "It's got nothing to do with me whatsoever."

"Pull the other one," Comb clearly scoffed, "I'm not taking your word at face value, Oni!"

"You should try it for once, granddaughter," Cologne said with a hint of impatience in her voice, "In spite of appearances I am indeed Cologne, your Matriarch and Clan Elder."

"No really," Comb gave a smug look at Cologne and said, "Who are you really?"

Cologne heaved a sigh and said, "I was hoping you wouldn't force me to do this, but…"

Cologne stepped forward, moving so fast that even I could barely register the movement. In her natural form she stands about as tall as Shampoo, which means that Comb dwarfs her grandmother by a good twenty centimeters, and I'd guess maybe ten-to-fifteen kilos, all of which proved academic as the tall warrior-turned-healer suddenly went flying backwards into the very section of wall that Daddy had nearly planted Silk, and the impact was so great that it looked like a spider-web had radiated behind her. Comb merely appeared stunned for a moment, but she pushed herself away from the wall, staggered forward for two steps, then fell to her knees but managed to retain consciousness in spite of what must have been one very massive headache!

"G-Grandmother?" she gasped, clearly rattled.

"Mother!" cried both of Shampoo's younger sisters as she rushed up to join their mother while their father looked on with a hint of displeasure.

"A bit excessive, wasn't that, Grandmother?" he asked in a calmer tone of voice than I would have expected.

"Your wife is a strong woman," Cologne said somberly, "I know her limits even better than she knows herself, and that little love-tap wouldn't even rattle her teeth. It's just that she occasionally needs to be reminded to keep a civil tongue in her head when addressing her elders."

"You no can do that!" Shampoo declared angrily, "You no touch Shampoo mother again or answer to Shampoo!"

"Oh really?" Cologne asked as she eyed my Purple-haired iinazuke, "I thought we were no longer on speaking terms. Does this mean you intend to challenge me for the title of Matriarch, Shampoo?"

"…" was all Shampoo would say for several seconds, but then her lovely face clouded up in a scowl and she turned her back on the formerly old woman, declaring, "Hmph! Shampoo no care about titles! Former great-grandmother do as like, it mean nothing to Shampoo. Shampoo no longer hear you."

I thought I caught a look of pain crossing Cologne's own expression, and her shoulders sagged considerably before she partially turned away, "I see…so that means you don't want to hear the news regarding those bottles of Jusenkyo water I went to fetch."

In spite of her angry expression, Shampoo did half turn at that and eyed her nominal "Elder" with a curious expression.

"What do you mean?" Ukyo spoke up, "What about the water? Do you have it?"

"I'm sorry," Cologne's expression fell even further, "I went to fetch it but was…briefly distracted. By the time I arrived at the Nekohanten and could check on the hiding place where I secured the last two bottles I found that they were gone and this…was in their place."

We all craned our necks to see the single white feather that she clutched by the stem between her fingers. None of us needed to go rush for a handbook on bird watching to recognize it as a duck feather. A duck feather, of course, meaning Mousse!

"Oh my," I heard Aunt Nodoka speak up, breaking the sudden silence, "Does this mean Ranma won't be able to be cured of his Jusenkyo curse?"

I saw surprise flash into Cologne's eyes as she studied the concerned expression on Nodoka's face, then softly she said, "I'm afraid there is little hope of it at this point. Without the water your son cannot change back into a full man, and if Mousse has the bottle he has undoubtedly already used it upon himself, assuming the half-blind fool could read the labels and select the right bottle…"

"WHAT???" Ranma blurted out, his expression as stunned as if a cat had just walked over his grave, "He did what???"

"He stole my Jusenkyo bottles???" Ukyo suddenly had her spatula in hand and seemed prepared to flatten somebody on general principles, "That-JACKASS!!! Doesn't he have any idea what I had to go through to get those bottles?"

"Worse still," Ambergris added, "What anybody might have to go through to obtain another."

Without me knowing quite why, I could not help but notice that the Amazon named Perfume was grimacing as her compatriot said this.

"Mousse thinks only of one thing, when he thinks at all," noted Silk as she accepted a towel handed her by Kasumi, "Obtaining Shampoo's hand in marriage. Anything that can be used towards that end…"

"Is automatically seen as justified," Elder Lotion finished for her, "Regardless of whom it might inconvenience."

"Then we have no choice," Uncle Genma spoke up, "We have to find that boy and rescue those bottles!"

"You wouldn't happen to be thinking about using one of them on yourself?" I asked suspiciously, distrusting this sudden burst of altruism on his part.

"Ah, well…" Ranma's father began when he saw the looks that Ranma, Shampoo and I was giving him, not to mention the rest of those present.

"This is my fault," Ryoga suddenly spoke up, turning to Ranma, "If you hadn't given me that last bottle…"

"Hey, you needed it more than I did," Ranma replied, then amended, "Sort-of."

"Is this true?" Aunt Nodoka asked, "Ranma…did you give the bottle meant for you to your half brother?"

"Ah…" Ranma blinked, "Well…he-uh-sorta looked funny with a half-cure he got from using only one bottle, Mom, and if I'd taken one it might have only half-cured me instead of all the way…"

He got no further than this before his mother threw her arms around him and hugged Ranma to her chest, proclaiming, "My son is so MANLY!!!"

"Hey, what about my son?" Atsuko said stoutly, "Ryo-chan's manly enough to admit he owes your son a favor."

"Er, actually, I'd say we were about even," Ranma amended as he stepped back from his mother looking acutely embarrassed, flushing like a beat while running a hand across the back of his head, "Since I'm sorta the one who kinda accidentally got him cursed in the first place…"

"But you did what was right," Nodoka could not stop beaming, making Silk almost look taciturn, "And with no thought for yourself! I'm so proud of you, Ranma, you make your mother so happy!"

"Good grief," I heard Akane murmur faintly, and for once she and I were in total agreement.

I saw Comb approach and the rest of our merry group all turned heads to see what she would be doing next as she eyed Cologne up and down carefully before saying, "Grandmother? No offense, but…I don't remember you being quite like this…"

"Blame it on Happosai," Cologne said with ruffled dignity, "On account of him I'm stuck looking like this."

Comb blinked her eyes, shook her head and said, "I'm not even going to ask. Of course you know what the other Council members will think if they see you like this."

Cologne's eyes narrowed sharply with suspicion, "And that is?"

"That you look young enough to be my daughter," Comb replied, "And that you're hardly in keeping with the reputation of an Elder."

"Do you wish another trip to the wall?" Cologne asked in a dangerously even tone of voice.

"I'm not challenging you, Grandmother," Comb made a gesture to show her hands were empty, "I'm just wondering how you intend to explain this one to the Council."

That deflated the old-um-formerly older woman, who leaned on her staff and replied, "Obviously that could be a problem."

"Cheer up," Comb grinned in a way that was hardly sympathetic, "Tell you what, let's go find and tavern and I'll buy you a drink. Oh wait…you'll be carded, won't you? Well then, we'll just have to make up some fake ID and explain that you're a cousin. You're good at faking things, deception comes second nature. Of course there is a bright side to this…"

"Which is?" Cologne replied in a tone that as much as said, "I'm not going to enjoy this."

"Maybe they'll give you discount rates at theaters," Comb started laughing at her own joke but was careful to put distance between herself and Cologne as she took her husband by the arms and waved for the Olsen Twins to come join her.

Rather than retaliate directly against the purple haired healer, Cologne leaned on her staff and said, "I'm never going to hear the end of this, will I?"

"Do you truly wish a prediction on that subject?" Elder Lotion asked with matter-of-fact humor.

"Some things are too predictable," Cologne replied as she started to turn away.

"Hey wait!" Ukyo spoke up, "What about Mousse and my Jusenkyo water? Are we gonna let him get away with it?"

"Not at all," Cologne replied as she eyed Kuonji, "But first we must track him down before we can mete justice for his…numerous indiscretions. I wish to see him brought to heel as much as any of you, but he is too elusive to make for an easy hunt, unless some clue turns up that Perfume may uncover."

"Perfume understand," the brown haired Amazon nodded, "Perfume find stupid Mousse, then him be duck flambé!" she flexed her arms and I almost jumped, for suddenly she was sporting a pair of whopping big axes.

"It is good for you to volunteer, child," Cologne acknowledged, which really sounded odd coming from her, "But will you be as eager to follow his trail knowing that he has Jusenkyo water?"

I saw the brown haired girl's eyes go wide, and I started to wonder what her big hang up was about Jusenkyo. I wanted to ask Shampoo, but when I turned to look for her she was no longer at my side. I looked around and saw her sitting down on the steps of the dojo some fifteen meters away from where we were standing. I touched Ranma's arm and nodded in her direction. Without needing any more than this between us we slipped away from the crowd and sought out our Sham-chan, finding her unusually subdued as she barely lifted her gaze to acknowledge our approach.

"Hey, Shampoo," Ranma said with his typical, "Let's blurt everything out" approach to opening conversations, "What's up? Why the long face?"

"Airen," her mouth barely quipped a smile before turning melancholy, "Is Mousse…he go too far this time. Him take Jusenkyo water that no belong to him, use Nanniichuan on self, but why Nyaniichuan? Only thing Shampoo think he need cursed girl water for is to bribe Shampoo, offer water for marriage."

"What?" I could feel Ranma's temper flare, as the implications struck home for the both of us, "No way. That ain't gonna happen!"

"Shampoo know this," she replied sadly, "Amazon law say Mousse challenge Airen when marriage no be full marriage, can no challenge Ailen when marriage is full marriage…no when Airen is still alive."

"Huh?" I replied intelligently, translating what she had just said into proper Japanese, "Full marriage? You mean when…oh!"

"Oh?" Ranma looked at me, then at Shampoo, then back again, "Oh what?"

"Silly Ranma," there was that fleeting smile on Shampoo's lips again, "What you think we do last night? Is part of marriage that make marriage…" she paused, "How you say?"

"Official?" I suggested, turning to Ranma and explaining, "She's means Consummated, Ranma-kun, as in you, me, her in bed, doing it together."

"Huh?" he blinked his eyes in a really cute way, then comprehension dawned like the sun over his face (even though it was more properly a sunset) and he said, "Oh…!"

"And once a marriage is consummated," I turned back to Shampoo to continue, "It's not possible for it to be dissolved unless one or both of us is dead…right?"

"Is true," Shampoo lowered her eyes, "That mean Mousse no longer just try defeat Airen but now he have to try…" she did not continue, nor did she have to.

"So," I replied, "Instead of a myopic, violent tempered and obsessive duck-boy who wants to beat us up and take you for himself, we've got a crazed homicidal nut-case who may or may not be cured of his Jusenkyo curse, and who wants to force you to marry him by holding the Nyaniichuan water hostage, and he wants me and Ranma out of the picture."

"Him no need Nabiki gone," Shampoo replied without looking him, "Him only need Ranma. Can marry more than one wife, and if he beat Nabiki he force Shampoo do bidding. Shampoo no want Nabiki hurt, and him know that."

"Hah, over my dead body!" Ranma declared in such an emphatic way that it caused the both of us to look at him with matching dubious expressions, to which he replied, "What?" clearly missing the irony of his statement.

"You no take Mousse for granted, Ranma," Shampoo said with a touch of real anger, "Mousse very dangerous, no have Japanese sense of honor. Him want prove better man in fight, but just as happy if he no have to risk being made look bad. If Mousse want win bad enough, he no give warning…"

"You mean he'd try to ambush Ranma-kun?" I felt myself blanching, "No way! That's not going to happen!"

"Shampoo wish she as certain," Shampoo hugged her knees and rested her chin atop them, "Ranma strongest male fighter Shampoo ever see, defeat Mousse as both girl and boy, Mousse no like that. Him have pride, not take defeat like good sport. Law no say he need to, but he like Amazon that loose to outsider woman, give Kiss of Death if need to."

"What, you mean kiss Ranma?" I blurted, then our man and me exchanged looks and by mutual agreement said, "EWWWWWW!"

"Shampoo never be rid of stupid Mousse," our Amazon bride said miserably, "Shampoo no want doom Airen, but either Mousse keep coming back or he be made to stop, and Shampoo no think she can do this."

"What?" Ranma asked, "You mean…?"

Shampoo looked at him and said, "Ranma, you kill before?"

I saw Ranma blink, and then he said, "Uh…no, but what's that got…?"

"Shampoo no kill either," Shampoo replied, "Train kill all life, but when Shampoo told to kill outsider girl, she no kill her. Shampoo chase Ranma all over China, no want kill girl, no even when come to Japan and try kill her. Then Shampoo find out Ranma really man, is good no kill, Shampoo very happy, but then Ranma try trick Shampoo, make her think he really girl, and Shampoo very angry, angry enough maybe finally kill…but Shampoo no kill. Shampoo see fear in Ranma eyes no want kill, no can make self kill, better return to China and face punishment of Elders."

Ranma stood very still and absorbed this for maybe fifteen seconds before he said, "You mean…all that time you were chasing me around threatening to kill me…and you didn't really want to do it?"

"Shampoo never want kill in first place," Shampoo got to her feet but kept her head downcast, "Is law of Amazons, Shampoo try obey. Is many time Shampoo think she kill Ranma in sleep, or when he no see her, or when is closing in, but Ranma very fast, very skilled, and Shampoo hesitate, give Ranma chance to get away. Shampoo think maybe she no can kill, no even in anger. Shampoo ask self if can kill now, but Shampoo no want kill Mousse either. Mousse is very annoying, threaten Airen, make Shampoo angry. He never leave Shampoo alone, no let Shampoo near other boy her age, make Shampoo feel like cow is branded, but Mousse no strong enough to beat her. Make Shampoo look bad in front of other warriors, they laugh behind Shampoo back, say Shampoo hide behind sleeve of man. Mousse make Shampoo very angry, angry enough to beat up Mousse for making Shampoo life so hard! Shampoo try no be nice to stupid Mousse, try drive him away, but he no listen! He no ever listen!!"

"And you don't feel like you can do anything about it?" I surmised, grasping the cause of her inner sense of conflict.

"No," Shampoo hugged herself and her eyes became shadowed, "When Shampoo young girl she first see Mousse pick on by other boys, she stop them, tell them leave Mousse alone, Mousse hug Shampoo and say she hero. Shampoo feel nice and say Mousse is friend. But then stupid Mousse hug pig because Shampoo say he have nice eyes, and him no wear glasses he think it make him look handsome. Him hug pig and say, 'Love Shampoo,' but Shampoo stand to one side and see this, get very angry he think pig is Shampoo. Shampoo beat up Mousse and leave him in road, but next day he come running after Shampoo, hug tree and call Shampoo. Shampoo get very tired this, tell Mousse leave her alone, but he no listen! He never listen!"

"You mean all this time he's been chasing after you because you once did something nice for him?" Ranma shook his head and growled, "He really is an idiot!"

"Obsessive and compulsive," I said, "And Anti-social. I take it his following you around is not a typical part of Amazon culture?"

"No," Shampoo shook her head slowly, "In Amazon village everyone fight, even men learn to fight, is good for when they challenge warrior and try become husband. Some no good fighting, find other thing they is good at. Mousse very good fighter, learn secret Amazon technique of black magic, hidden weapons fight, turn weakness to advantage…"

"Weakness?" Ranma asked, "You mean his eyesight?"

"Aiyaa," Shampoo nodded, "Mousse no see good when close to object, see very good he stand away many paces. Shampoo hear mother use word for far-sighted…A stick-astig…"

"Astigma," I supplied, thinking a moment before I added, "So, he's not really blind, he just has his eyes out of focus for anything up close to him. If he can see things perfectly clearly when he's over ten meters away then distance fighting is the perfect form to use…"

"That Crane stance of his is pretty good too," I heard Ranma comment, "He's got a lot of reach, and Crane's perfect for striking at somebody who isn't standing too close to you. He probably knows a few other tricks that work around his near-blindness, only I wonder why he never took Blind Fighting? You'd think that would be perfect for him."

"Mousse vain," Shampoo explained, "Think he no have problem as bad as is. Is like telling Ryoga he need map find way, he no believe he wrong go other way. Very stubborn, is pride like other warrior we know."

"Yeah?" Ranma asked, "Who's that?" once again demonstrating just how blind he can be to irony, though I think he took the hint when he saw the both of us smile in his direction.

"Mousse is problem," Shampoo resumed, looking down, "Him no give up and Shampoo no want hurt him. Mousse no evil, just stupid, but him dangerous man, and because he no give up, and Shampoo no want him dead…"

"Then your problem is solved," a voice cut into our private conversation, "I'll take care of him for you."

The three of us turned to see the pink-haired warrior named Ambergris standing close to our position, only now she had a naginata in one hand and was leaning on it, her one visible eye regarding us neutrally in the gathering twilight.

"Amber?" Shampoo asked softly, "Why you say this?"

"Because Mousse is obviously a problem to you," the pink haired girl replied, "A problem you want eliminated, though you won't come right out and say it. I can fix your problem for you, if you'll let me."

"How?" Shampoo asked, narrowing her eyes as I saw her eye the other girl with clear suspicion.

"As I see it, you have one of three choices," the girl named Ambergris replied, "Either kill Mousse to remove him as a problem, or you could defeat him and force him to renounce all claims on you now and forever. You could, of course, cripple him for good measure, thus insuring he never recovers to be a problem, but somehow I don't see you going for that option. You always were a soft one, Shampoo, just one of many things I've always liked about you."

"You're offering to kill Mousse?" I asked, "And what do you get out of it?"

"The satisfaction that I've removed an obstacle to Shampoo's happiness," Ambergris informed us, giving me a slight smirk as she looked me over, then continued, "Only I don't think killing Mousse is quite what Shampoo has in mind. If she had the will to kill she would have done it already. The Gods know you've had enough opportunities over the years, but that just isn't your way, so that leaves one other option."

"And that is?" Ranma asked.

"The Xi Fang Gaio," she replied as if it were a perfectly obvious solution, "You don't kill Mousse, you kill his memories of you, or make it hard for him to remember you. I know that would be a strain for his little pea brain, but somehow I'm sure the neurons would re-rout and adjust themselves to having to spend more than five minutes thinking all about you…"

"Is good suggestion," Shampoo frowned, "Why Shampoo never think use this before?"

"Maybe because deep down it flatters you to think that there is this guy who'd do anything to please you," Ambergris inclined her head as she continued to smile, "Only now it's gone beyond funny to super-annoying. Of course I don't know the Xi Fang Giao myself, but if you're willing to teach me, I can learn the basics."

"Is no easy thing learn," Shampoo frowned more deeply, "You want learn technique? Is why you ask, be so helpful?"

"That's partly the reason," Ambergris replied, "The Technique is sacred to the Amazons, and you're one of only a very few people who know how to perform it correctly. The Matriarch is one of the others, only she won't be returning soon to Joketsuzoku, not while she's trapped looking like one of her own descendents. You, on the other hand, have already established roots here, so there is a very good chance that the Technique could fall out of our possession, which would be a problem. Of course if you don't really want to entrust me with the technique, then I could immobilize Mousse for you while you apply the Xi Fang Giao on him."

"Is good plan," Shampoo said, "But as Shampoo Airen say, what in it for you?"

"Not bad," I saw a look not of displeasure but approval in the other girl's single eye, "You're starting to learn. I think this junior Lore Master must be a good influence on you, the old Shampoo was much too trusting. In answer to your question, though, there is one thing I want from you, Shampoo…satisfaction."

"Satisfaction?" Ranma asked blankly, which pretty much mirrored my own thought on the subject as I was certain she wasn't thinking of the Gaijin song by that title.

"Two years ago we fought a battle," Ambergris replied, flipping back her hair to expose the right half of her face (which didn't look too bad as the scar was less visible in the dim lighting, "I lost, you won, and as a consequence I've carried this reminder. I'm no longer angry at you for scarring me, and I was clearly in the wrong, having violated your trust in spirit if not by intention, so I'm not asking this out of anger or a need for personal vengeance. I just want to test how good we've both gotten in the last two years, to prove to myself that I've become better than you are, that I'm the better warrior who should be the new Tribal Champion."

"You want title?" Shampoo sniffed, "Go home, fight for it. Shampoo no longer care about titles, except she wife of Airen."

"It's not that simple," Ambergris said soberly, "I need to know for a fact that I am the best, and you're the best there is, short of your husband here. I need to test myself against the Amazon whom other Amazons measure themselves against and determine if, in fact, I am as good as I believe myself to be. I ask this in the name of our former friendship, and because I've missed sparring against you. No one ever pushed me to my limits the way you could, Shampoo, and I can't go back to China until I know for a fact that you have given me a shot for your title."

"You want this so much?" Shampoo asked in clear surprise.

"Enough that I'm willing to resort to any means to encourage you to say yes," Ambergris replied, "Things I'd rather not say as I don't want to risk hurting your feelings."

"What you say that upset Shampoo?" our Amazon love said in a huff, folding her arms as she declared, "Shampoo no want stand in way if Amber think she good enough become Tribal Champion. Is no Shampoo business after find out truth about great grandmother."

"Then you don't mind that I've been sleeping with Lotion?" the pink-haired girl asked coyly.

For a moment I thought Shampoo was ignoring the question, but then she turned a suspicious glance towards Ambergris and ask, "How often?"

"Oh, about half a year, before I decided I needed to travel," the pink-haired girl remarked as if speaking on a purely neutral topic, "We were pretty close after I saved her life and she repaired the damage to my face. She was grateful to me, of course…very grateful…but after a while I came to think it was more than gratitude that she was feeling."

I shot a glance at Shampoo, seeing her scowl again though she was not looking towards Ambergris. When she didn't say anything the pink-haired warrior continued, "Of course when I was first giving into her charms I had a thought that I was really doing it to get even with you, thinking how jealous you would be, but after a while I started to feel bad about that, like I was betraying you again. Of course Lotion convinced me to let go of my anger and hate, convinced me of a lot of things in point of fact and…"

"You want fight," Shampoo gave Ambergris a hard stare, "Name time and place, Shampoo be there."

"Thank you," the other girl nodded once, "And I'm sorry I mentioned it. Please disregard what I said. Lotion thought constantly of you the first few months that we were in the village of the Sleeping Woman, and if she had known how much you were fretting about her she would have been at your side in a second…"

"Shampoo think Amber full of it," Shampoo snorted, "But Shampoo accept challenge any way. We fight and prove which of us better warrior, then you make Lotion very happy, unless Shampoo cousin steal her from you?"

"You think I'm afraid of having competition?" Ambergris's grin was infectious, "I think Perfume's already made her play, and I wish them both the best of happiness, but I'm still going to kick your ass right after you finish with your classes tomorrow afternoon."

"We see about that," Shampoo sniffed, but for some reason she did not seem displeased at the prospect of an impending fight between the two of them. Ambergris nodded to both of us and took her leave just then, catching up with Comb and her family as she and the rest of the Amazon troop headed for our family gates, to later congregate in the Nekohanten. Silk was the only one who languished behind, and I caught a glimpse of her chatting with my father.

"Well," Ranma said after a full minute had elapsed, "That was really something."

"It was at that," I said in agreement, then turned and eyed Shampoo coyly as I said, "Shampoo…just when were you planning to tell us all about your 'friend,' Lotion?"

"Ah…?" I saw Shampoo's expression go blank, and then for the first time ever she demonstrated signs of actual embarrassment. As Ranma and I continued to look towards her she gave a short, nervous laugh and replied, "Is good question…and Shampoo mean tell Airen about lost Shampoo love…is just…very long story…"

"So?" I asked, "We're not going anywhere at the moment, so tell us."

"Yeah," Ranma said somberly, "What's the deal with you and the blue haired chick anyway? Are you still interested, and if not, then why were you acting like that a minute ago, huh?"

"Ah…aiyaa," Shampoo murmured faintly, and we knew for a fact that she was a very nervous kitty…

Continued

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