Ai No Kusabi Fan Fiction ❯ Falling Into the Darkness ❯ Imaginary ( Chapter 8 )

Imaginary…

I remember screaming, and then there is only darkness. The nightmares haunt me whenever I try to sleep. I know they somehow hold the key to what came "before", but I don't know how exactly what they mean. Even so, I remember more and more of the dreams every day.

I have to, however, prepare. The time is quickly approaching for me to join the others like me in the arena to be picked over by the clients of the evening. Some nights I'm lucky, and I am chosen by a gentleman who is content for me to be but an ornament to sit at his side, quietly. In those instances, I will serve him drinks or feed him delicacies that were carefully designed by renowned chefs on the staff. If he wishes, I will happily massage away the tensions of the day. That is my usual routine if I am lucky. Most nights, unfortunately, my time is spent quite differently.

I don't enjoy performing. The handlers tell me I should be thankful for my lot, especially when my behavior "before" could have resulted in much worse. The handlers never tell me what I did "before", but they and the other Pets tend to laugh a lot whenever the subject of my past is mentioned. Whenever I am present in a group of these Pets, the subject *always* is mentioned.

Perhaps the bits I get from the nightmares tell the tale. When I return to my pallet, I shall reflect on the flashes. Last night, I returned very late because the client who chose me wished for me to perform for the audience before he took me to his private enclave to fulfill his needs. The man was, unfortunately, one of the men who regularly asks for me. He is not one of the clients I think of on a "lucky" night.

The first time I remember him choosing me was actually my earliest real memory. I was filled with joyous anticipation because I was newly trained as a Pet, and was well-versed in pleasure techniques. I don't know how I learned the techniques, only that the knowledge was valuable and I would be chosen by only the highest caliber Citizens. Or, I should say, that I was told that would be the case…I had no cause to believe otherwise at that point. With the flashes I remember of my nightmares, however, and the fact that I seem to be treated differently than the others, I'm no longer sure that is the truth anymore.

The first man who chose me was one of the Blondies. I learned later he was the one in charge of making certain all in Tanagura works smoothly. Iason is his name, and I believe he hates me for something that came "before", but I'm not certain exactly. I do see him in the dreams, however, so I think it must be so. He favors a dark Pet with his attention nightly, and many whisper that the Pet lives in Iason's private condo in Eos. The way they also whisper as I walk by sometimes leads me to believe that I am somehow connected to Iason's favorite. I never hear exactly what they say, only that I don't belong here and should never have been brought here at all.

I don't understand…I do as I am bid. I am told I am skilled at what I am asked to do. Even so, Iason chooses me and gives me to other men who never treat me well. He asks me to perform with other Pets, often making certain that the other one humiliates me in various fashions before taking me roughly and leaving me in a heap. Afterwards, the handlers invariably have someone clean me up and deliver me to one of Iason's suites, where one of his many "special" clients will await with hungry eyes until the Blondie leaves.

The only thing Iason ever says when he leaves me in the capable hands of his client is, "Use him as you see fit. Feel free to choose any of the other Pets to join him if you wish…with one exception. *Riki* is not to be touched." I wish I knew the hold Riki has over Iason. He rarely performs in public; in fact, he rarely performs at all. What the others say must be true: Riki must be Iason's Personal Pet, performing only for him.

Walking into the arena with the others, I see that Iason is indeed in attendance tonight, but neither of the men sitting next to him is a usual client. One is a Blondie I seem to remember seeing before, yet I cannot place him. The other man doesn't look like someone who would frequent the establishment, but he must be…he seems too familiar to be anything other than a frequent customer, and he's dressed well enough for all he is different from the others.

I cringe when I see Iason get the attention of the main handler and then motion toward me. I see that tonight will be no different than most nights. Walking over to Iason and his cronies, I'm asked if I remember Katze, and the non-Blondie greets me by name. I don't understand, but something tells me it will not be long until I am made to do so. Curiosity and the strange sense of recognition eat at me as I take the seat indicated on the cushioned floor between the feet of the new Blondie and this "Katze".

The man continues to eye me warily, as if testing to see if I am telling the truth about not remembering. He compliments Iason on the job the handlers have done in re-educating me. This word, "re-educating", as well as the way Katze draws it out bring a smile to Iason's face as he tells Katze that it was the least that could be done as the reward for the service I did in returning Riki to him. I don't remember anything remotely associated with Riki, and it makes me become even more confused.

Katze hands me a glass and tells me I should drink the beverage inside. I glance at Iason questioningly, and he nods that I am to obey, so I comply. I drink the heavy, amber liquid, feeling it traveling warmly to my belly, and soon my head begins feeling pleasantly out of touch.

Katze and the Blondie continue their conversation, all but ignoring my presence except for occasional glances. I wonder why it is that neither man has requested anything of me, and I continue to sit quietly at their feet, waiting nervously for whatever they may have planned for me. Given their expressions when they do deign to look in my direction, I realize that I cannot hope for mercy. Meanwhile, Iason motions to one of the serving Pets to bring some more of the liquor and when I politely indicate that I am no longer thirsty, Katze pulls my hands behind me and forces me to drink, murmuring that he would hate to see my lovely face marred as a result of disobeying the will of Iason Mink. Iason and the other Blondie, whom Iason has called Raoul, laugh as my fear becomes more apparent.

When Katze finally pulls the glass from my mouth, I sputter around the last fragrant drops of the liquid as I ask what I have done to displease them, because I have not knowingly done anything. Raoul laughs and matter-of-factly tells me that I had the audacity to betray my own people in a feeble attempt to rise above my station. Then Katze added angrily that I also sought to extort money from Tanagura's top Blondie. He accentuates his comments with a backhand to my temple that echoes through the room as it knocks me to the floor, attracting the momentary attention of all within hearing range. They quickly return to their own concerns, however, as it is not uncommon for Pets to require discipline from their benefactor of the evening.

The disdainful looks I am given by the three me only serve to frighten me more. I must have flinched, because Katze reaches for me once again, daring me to run. This time when he draws me close to him, I sense another flash of recognition. Looking back and forth between Katze and Raoul, realization dawns, and I feel my eyes grow wide as my body fights against the steel grip that controls me.

Raoul's visage is feral as he leans forward and I struggle even more, despite knowing that not only is resistance futile, but I also risk worse punishment. Unfortunately, however, my frightened mind cannot extinguish the terror emblazoned there.

In a flood of distorted images, my past attempts to drown my senses. I remember the men I have been chosen to entertain now and the reasoning they have chosen to treat me as they do. I panic even more because I also know what was done to me in order that I could be in my present position in life.

I mumble something about only having done the job I had been hired to do in Iason's scheme to regain his Pet. Raoul looks at the Blondie and, with a sneer, tells him that he knew they could make me remember. Katze forces me back to the cushion and leans close to my ear, warning me to sit quietly if I know what is good for me. Although I have the urge to grin at the cliché, I realize that levity on my part would most likely result in a matching bruise on the other side of my face. My innate sense of self-preservation kicks in and I cover the smile with a hand and attempt to curl in on myself. Strong hands on my shoulders serve as sufficient deterrent to the action, however, and I do my best to react as if nothing is amiss.

Raoul asks me if I understand the reasoning behind my special treatment these many months. I reply to the affirmative, and he asks me to elaborate. I tell him that it had been dishonorable for me to have entrapped my old gang, Bison, on the transport vehicle for my own gain. When he asks, "And?", I reply that I should have been more than happy with the position and compensation that "Master Iason" had deigned to give me when he allowed me to exist outside of Ceres. Then he asks me if I know what was done to me to ensure that I wouldn't do such things in the future.

I pause, horrified, as full realization hits me. "*You* took my mind," I say, a look of satisfaction replacing the earlier disgust in Raoul's eyes. I ask them why they chose to make me remember again after taking such pains to erase the memories. Katze just laughs heartily for a moment before we all fall into a wary silence.

Finally, Iason turns to me and tells me that he asked his friend to make me remember, despite being advised against such an action by Katze. The manager of Tanagura's Black Market felt that my knowledge of the workings between the Blondie and his former Furniture would only serve to discredit Iason's organization and benefit his opponents in their quest to curry Jupiter's favor. However, the erasing of memory had pacified Jupiter, and now Iason wanted to try a new experiment with me. They turn predatory looks my way as they explain their plan.

I try to bolt, but Katze is quite skilled in apprehension technique. Applying pressure to a nerve in my neck, I quickly sink into black oblivion.

Sometime later…moments? hours? days?...I have no idea, I fight my way to the surface again to see the vivid eyes of the man I vaguely remember as being called "Katze" looking down at me. A Blondie…Raoul?...is loosening restraints at my wrists and ankles. He denies me an attempt to sit, telling me that I have not had sufficient time to recover from the drugs I have been given during my unconscious state.

I try to protest, and am horrified to learn that I cannot speak. Raoul…for my mind clears and I am confident that my recall of the men around me is accurate…tells me that I will remain in silence for a period of at least a year. He adds that I will be sent to another club, but that I will still retain my status as a sought-after Pet, despite my current handicap.

Katze grins at me now as well. My mind screams a horrified denial as I start to fully understand my circumstances. Raoul lightly strokes my jaw line and chuckles. He tells me I have expressive eyes, then proceeds to confirm my suspicions.

Motioning Iason to his side, Raoul tells me that he has discovered a way that a subject is able to retain all memory of any previous life, and yet can be made to live in a manner in direct opposition to that former life. The subject is helpless to complain verbally or otherwise attempt any sort of flight because the nerves controlling speech and panic mechanisms are at least partially disabled. In my case, however, they have allowed enough of the flight mechanism to remain intact that anyone who chooses to see it has only to look into my eyes. He adds that many clients enjoy seeing Pets perform when one or other shows such emotion as well…especially if they are trained well enough to take on their roles without hint of complaint, despite the damage that can be accomplished.

Raoul seems to relish the word "damage", and I shudder involuntarily. Iason just stands there, leaning against a wall, with a carefully blank expression. I look in his eyes and see they are anything but blank. They are…anticipatory. My mind conjures up various scenarios of things that could cause such a look from Iason where I am concerned; unfortunately, none of them is good.

I brace myself for the worst. I am not to be disappointed. Raoul takes a quick glance at Iason, who nods slightly in silent answer to an equally silent request. Raoul then looks to Katze, gesturing for him to go to the door. The man opens the door as Raoul tells me that the next phase of my training is about to begin.

The door opens and a man walks in, dressed in clothes that would more properly be described as leather straps. His hair is light, but not blonde, so it is obvious that his authority is limited-he will have taken his instruction from Iason and/or Raoul. The man stands slightly behind and to the right of Katze, a faint "clink" at his wrist attracting my attention, and I glance to see the chains he holds in his hands. There is no smile on his face; in fact, there is no expression at all. I cannot remember ever seeing anyone so perfectly *blank*, and I thought Iason kept his emotions from his face. That was anything *but* blank next to the man standing beside Katze.

Raoul steps up to me and grins as new wave of fear rips through me. Taking my hand he leads me to stand across from the strangely-clad man. He looks at me, but indicates the other man as he says, "Killie, I'd like you to meet your new trainer. May I present…Daryl."

I scream, and then there is nothing but darkness.