Alice In Wonderland Fan Fiction ❯ Twisted Fantasy ❯ Chapter Thirty One ( Chapter 31 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Matthew sighed. Taking it off his coat, he draped it over her. "Fine. Then just rest."

She took the coat off and threw it at him. "Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Being nice. I don't understand how you feel about all this and I don't want your kindness without knowing what's behind it. Just leave me alone."

"Fine. You want to know how I feel? I'm scared shitless. I was more terrified in those few moments that you went psycho then I have ever been in my life. Even now I can't stop my hands shaking."

"Then you shouldn't be here."

"I was taught that the easiest way to conquer ones fears was to face them."

She rolled away from him. It was strange for someone like him to be afraid of someone like her...maybe...maybe she was insane...maybe she did belong there. She started to cry silently. In the blink of an eyes, she lost two loves, three best friends, a doctor, and her sanity.

He watched her shoulders shake as she cried. He groaned softly as he tried to get comfortable. "Don't cry," he muttered.

"Don't talk."

"I won't talk if you'll come closer."

"That's not going to happen. Why can't you just leave me alone? You got me a new doctor so obviously you don't want me around you and yet you are here. Can't you just let me go?"

"No, I can't," he told her.

"Why?" she whispered. "To torture me? Good job. You succeed. I want to die now."

"I don't want to torture you. Nor do I want you to want to die."

"I didn't ask you for what you wanted. I asked you why you won't leave me alone."

"Because I don't want to."

"Spit it out. Stop saying a few words here and there."

"Very well then. I won't leave you alone because despite your homicidal rage I still want to be your doctor."

"But you aren't. And I don't want you to be."

"Why don't you want me to be?"

"You don't get to ask me questions anymore."

"Yet you can ask questions of me?"

"Yes. I'm not the one that traded you in."

"I didn't trade you in," he told her.

"No, you just didn't cure me," she said. "I won't ask you questions anymore."

"Of course I didn't cure you," he told her. "Only you can cure yourself. Do you really think that I wanted you to be handed over to another doctor?"

"I really don't care at this point. It doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done," she said as she looked at her hand.

"No, it's not. If you request me as your doctor, I can still be your doctor."

"I told you I don't want you to be," she said. She turned to him. "I'm asking you to leave me alone."

"Just as soon as I believe it I will." He paused. "When you were in your psycho state you said you loved me. Do you have any idea why you would say something like that?"

Her eyes widened. "I...no...I don't."

"Oh...." He looked down. "Okay."

She looked at the door. "Why isn't my rabbit in here? It's cruel to separate me from him when I'm locked away for hours..."

"Your rabbit isn't here?" He looked around, just now noticing that. "I didn't realize.... It wasn't with you when you came to...." He shook his head. "I'll have someone bring it."

"It's not your job...I just thought you would have been the one to make sure I didn't have him," she said as her eyes met his.

"Why would I do that?"

"I tried to kill you."

"I'd rather not think about that." He moved, groaning as he held his leg.

She pushed her hair from her face. "I'm really sorry about that...if I could remember it...I'm sure I would give you a reason why I did it..."

He sighed and shook his head. "You weren't yourself. At first I just thought it was all fun and games. I actually enjoyed it until you started cutting us both up."

"The last thing I remember is undoing your jacket and asking about you leaving."

"Yes. Then the nurse left, and we started talking about you going with me. I told you I'd see and that I couldn't promise anything. Then you went psycho."

She only nodded. "I'm sorry I hurt you..."

"I know you are."

She leaned her back against the padded wall. A part of her wished that the Hatter was only hurt and she could just say she was sorry and it would be ok.

"I want you to know something. If I trust you again, and if you snap again...there will be no going back. They will give you the electric chair."

"When I was twelve...the guy that slept in the room next to me got the electric chair." She looked at her lap. "If it comes to that, I know I'll do it with pride. I'm not afraid of death. There are worse things."

"Yes, there are, but I would rather not sit back and watch you fry. So please, if you feel yourself going loony let me know."

"I don't feel anything when it happens. It's like falling asleep. You don't know when it happens, it just does and you wake up hours later not knowing how it all happened. When I was younger, I had a lot of black outs and I always ended up here...with Mr. Cat..."

"Probably whatever the Director had been giving you kept your blackouts at bay...."

She shrugged. "It's hard to have black outs when your head is already in the dark."

He nodded. "Which do you prefer? Being loopy or homicidal?"

"You can't ask a question like that. It's like asking me if I would rather die with a bullet or a knife."

"The reason I'm asking, is because I might be able to modify the Director's dosage that he gave you. Just enough to keep the psychoness at bay without making you too childish and drugged up."

She looked away. "You are not my doctor."

"For the last time, if you tell the new one that you want me I can be your doctor. Let's face it. Anyone else is just going to keep you locked in here."

"I don't mind being locked away." She looked him in the eyes. "I don't want you...anymore..."

His jaw dropped slightly. "Why?"

"Because it's easier this way, don't you think? You were never good at being my doctor anyways...I mean...we ended up sleeping together..."

He looked away at that, his cheeks burning. "Yes, but that was...unintentional...."

"Wasn't it? You could have stopped it...you could have made me stop kissing you and you didn't."

"You could have told me no when we had sex," he told her, not wanting her to put all the blame on him.

"I didn't want to," she said.

He looked at her, really wishing that she hadn't broken his glasses. "See? What we shared...it was good."

"And wrong. If we had never done that...I would have never been in that room with you strapped to a chair. I wouldn't be in here and you wouldn't be hurt." She moved to him. Slowly her hands fixed his bandage. "You didn't do a very good job. Are your hands shaking that much?"

He fisted his hands so that she wouldn't see them. "I have a lot on my mind," he whispered, his heart beat racing with her so close. "And...yes...they are."

She backed away and moved back to her corner. "That's understandable."

"No," he said as she moved. "I mean...you don't have to move. Please."

"I wanted to move. It's better this way. Years from now why you are with some pretty girl and thinking of kids...you'll thank me."

He smirked at that. "What are you talking about? No one wants to marry someone who is...slightly mad."

"Don't be like that. The only mad person here is me." She looked at the door. "I didn't eat before so Mr. Cat will be here soon and you'll be able to leave."

"And if I don't want to?"

"Then I suppose you'll stay here until my doctor comes for me."

He moved to stand. Blood coating his bandage as he started to move. He hadn't even bothered to pull up his pants or boxers. He slowly walked over to her, and sat down beside her.

Alice scooted away from him. "Stop. I'm serious."

"Look me in the eyes, and tell me you don't love me," he ordered.

"I don't have to do that. Why do you care if I do or don't? After my doctor comes...I'll never see you again."

"Yes you will. I'll make certain of it."

"Don't bother because I'm going to make certain I won't."

"It doesn't work that way, Alice. Whether she's your doctor or not, I'm the head physician here which means I can oversee any patient."

"I will tell her you and I had relations."

He tensed at that. "Why would you tell her? She might not even believe you."

"So I never see you again....so you never see me again," she whispered. "If she doesn't believe me...I'll keep telling people...someone will listen."

"They'll think you're...crazy..."

She wanted to laugh at that. "Funny...and true."

"No it's not!" he snapped.

She jumped at his voice. It wasn't often when he yelled at her. "Ok."

"You've spent the last six years trying to get everyone to believe that you're not crazy. Today aside, I was starting to believe you. So don't disappoint me."

"I don't live to make sure you aren't disappointed," she said coldly.

"Good, because-" He stopped, biting back his words. "I was trying so hard to get you out of here," he told her. "I was a week away from getting the papers signed...."

She rolled her eyes. "Ok."

"I'm not lying," he growled as he glared at her. "I gave the board the reports on the Director and the fact that he was drugging you. It was going to be a surprise. When I went on my trip to the college, I was going to have you enrolled in a near by high school." He laid back, throwing his head back against the padding. "Although that's all shot to hell."

"I'm sorry to mess your plans up," she said slowly. "But...I think it's safer for me here."

"I would have taken care of you on the outside."

She turned to him. "....why...."

"Because you don't have anyone else to turn to. No real family.... I wasn't going to throw you to the wolves without being there for you."

"Oh..." She was hoping for a different answer, but she knew Matthew wasn't the type.