Azumanga Daioh Fan Fiction ❯ The Tao of Osaka-sensei ❯ Taka ( Chapter 3 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

THE TAO OF OSAKA-SENSEI
An Azumanga Daioh Fanfiction
by Michael Hopcroft

Episode 3: Taka

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Azumanga Daioh. That is owned by Kiyohiko Azuma and his representatives, ADV Manga and ADV Films.

1.Testing the Waters

Osaka looked out at her class in dismay. She had dreading what was to come for some time, and even though she knew it had to be done it dismayed her. That fact that she would have to do it six more times, with six different classes, didn't make it easier.

She took the chalk in her hand, and with a swiftness that belied her inner trepidation wrote two words on the blackboard.

“Skills Test”.

She heard audible moaning from pretty much the whole class. Perhaps they had thought she was this sweet, slightly klutzy young woman who wouldn't challenge them. At the moment, she wished they were right.

“I did hear that, ya' know.” she said as she turned back to face them, causing another deep, unified sigh from the class. “Just so ya' know, there are gonna be tests in art class too. But don't be so discouraged already.”

A girl stood up. Kano-chan, everyone called her, a bright and perky girl who wore her hair in a long pigtail at the back and had a pair of small, wire-rimmed glasses. “Sensei, it's only a week into the term. You haven't even started teaching the class! What can you possibly test us on?”

“Why, what you know going in, of course. Do you know what perspective is? How to really look at a woodcut print? The difference between “Starry Night” and “The Scream”? How to color within the lines?”

Kano-chan looked baffled. “well, I... Hey! I can color within the lines! Most of the time...”

“Oh, that's good. When I was starting out, that gave me a lot of trouble.” Osaka paused for a moment. “Anyway, this is a test to see where you already are in art. What you know and what you can do. You won't just be answering multiple-choice questions – you're actually going to be demonstrating your skills.”

“Or lack of them.” said one of the girls in the back of the room. Aiko had already gotten Osaka's attention. She had a combination of drop-dead good looks and an acid lounge that worried Osaka a bit. She would have to have a word with Aiko soon.

“Satori-chan, Jun-kun, please pass out the tests.” Satori Kimura and Jun were the Class Representatives, mainly because nobody else had offered to do it. She wondered how Satori was getting along a week into a term, given the problems that seemed to come with being Kimura's daughter. But she was clearly intelligent and seemed to be handling herself well. Osaka handed each of them a sheaf of papers. “There you go. Make sure everybody gets one.” It didn't take long for the tests to be distributed and the representatives to return to their seats. “Begin!” Osaka said and the sound of forty busy pencils filled the air.

Osaka began walking up and down the room. She had always been told you had to watch students carefully when they were taking tests, that some students would try any trick to crib off their smarter neighbors. She immediately noticed one such infraction. “Takeda-kun,” she gently said, “does Miyamoto-kun have that interesting a paper?”

“Nani?” Takeda-kun, a boy who wore his hair long, looked startled. “No, Sensei, of course not.”

“Good. I know your own test must be really boring, but sometimes we have to do boring stuff. Think of it as giving your mental attic a good airing out so it isn't taken over by moths.”

“Moths?” Takeda shook his head and, Osaka noted proudly, started paying full attention to his own work.

“Oh man!” Osaka heard Aiko mutter under her breath. “I can't believe this! “Draw the flower of your choice?” Who is she kidding?”

“Is choosing a flower hard?” Osaka could see Aiko visibly start when she heard her voice.

“Sensei! Where did you come from?”

“Come from? Where did I go? Anyway, complainin' about the test isn't gonna help you finish it. Shouldn't be that hard to pick a flower. There are lots of them.”

“And how is this going to help me get into Tokyo University anyway?” Aiko was keeping the volume on her voice down, but the tone could strip paint at sixty paces.

“And what do ya' plan to do when ya' get there?”

“I – what does anyone do?”

“If ya' don't know that, then it's too soon to think about Tokyo University and time to think about the test in front of ya'.”

Aiko breathed a heavy sigh and resumed work, wondering why she had ever thought this school was a good idea.

2.Yukari the Green-Eyed Monster

“Friday is over at last!” Yukari said as she plopped down in front of her desk in the Staff Room. “And a short week too! Man, am I going to relax!” Her head began to drift to one side as consciousness began to make a welcome retreat in favor of a sort of light slumber.

When the door to the staff room slid open again, consciousness charged back into control, taking only a moment to toss slumber aside after striking a few well-paced blows to its head.

“So, that French place – Taka took you there?” Yukari heard Nyamo asking.

“Once. The portions were much too big for me, but the food was good. But normally I like much simpler fare, ya' know?”

Yukari's voice pierced the room. “NYAMO! What the hell are you doing? You are NOT supposed to be Osaka's friend! And you, Osaka! “Simpler fare”? What kind of person are you?”

“Japanese.” Osaka shrugged her shoulders. “And those cream sauces don't make my stomach happy.”

Nyamo stepped forward. “Yukari, you've got some nerve! What gives you the right to tell me something like that? Who do you think you are, anyway?”

Osaka looked back and forth between the two senior teacher. “You're not fighting, are you?”

“WHAT DO YOU THINK?” cried Yukari.

“That you shouldn't be fighting. It's not like Nyamo did anything to you, Yukari.”

Yukari's hand went up, but then she caught herself. “Osaka, I.... I....”

“Need a drink?” Nyamo said.

“Jealousy ain't good far ya, Yukari.” Osaka said.

“WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M JEALOUS?”

“Well, ya are shoutin'.”

“That's because I'm MAD! Not because I'm jealous!” Yukari huffed and puffed and looked like she was about ready to blow down the school. “And what are YOU staring at, Nyamo?”

“What do you think?” Nyamo dramatically plopped herself down onto her chair. “There are a lot of times when you behave like a real jackass, Yukari, and this is one of them.”

“Bein' a woman and all, wouldn't you be a jill-ass?” Osaka offered.

“I am nobody's ass!” cried Yukari.

“And maybe that's the problem.”, Osaka said. “You're mad at me because I have Taka, ain't'cha?”

“What do you --” Yukari had her finger out, ready to lay down a fresh verbal assault, when she suddenly dropped her hand and slumped her shoulders. “Oh, no.” she said under her breath. “Damn you, Osaka! How dare you be... be...”

“Right?” Nyamo interjected. “It's OK, I know how proud you are – even given how little reason you have for it – so I'm not going to make you say it. But, Yukari, we are all co-workers now, and we are Osaka-chan's senpais. Much as you may resist the idea, we have to be responsible adults.”

“Oh!” Osaka stood. “An idea! How would you two like to meet Taka?”

“Meet Taka?” Yukari started at the thought. “But why?”

“Why not? It's not like I don't know about his friends.”

Nyamo nodded. “I think that's a great idea, Osaka. When do you want us to meet him?”

“How about tomorrow night?”

“Sounds great. No showing up drunk, Yukari.”

Yukari shrugged. “If I have to visit Osaka, is there such a thing as drunk enough?”

3.Yukari Bares Her Fangs

The next evening, at about five o'clock, Nyamo stood outside an apartment building in a decent but not that swanky part of the school's neighborhood. Admittedly it was a reasonable walking commute from the school, and it wasn't exactly a dangerous part of town. And Nyamo's own building wasn't swanky either – then again she wasn't sharing rent.

And Nyamo was fuming to herself about being alone at that moment. “Damn Yukari for being late! How was she going to get here anyway?” Sudden realization struck her. ”Oh, no.”

Suddenly a battered Audi roared and coughed around the corner and came to an all-too-sudden stop in front of the building. It looked like it would fall apart if you were the breathe on it wrong, with little dots of primer all that was left of what had once been an impressive paint job. The Yukari-Mobile Mark II had arrived, and with it the property values on the block fell by fifteen percent.

Yukari got out of the car in blissful ignorance of its condition or the rather precarious parking space she had chosen. “You gonna need a lift home?” she asked.

“It's not worth it. The point of getting a ride home is actually getting home.”

“Anyway, let's go in there and steal Osaka's boyfriend!”

“All -- WHAT THE HELL?” it had taken a moment for what Yukari had said to sink in.

“It's all very simple, really. Osaka may be a legal grownup now, but she still has a body that can be compared unfavorably to a two-by-four. Whereas yours truly has all the right stuff in all the right places, which means....”

“Give it up, Yukari. You couldn't steal a woman's guy at gunpoint.”

“Besides, I have a top-notch security system.” came a voice from the balcony above them. Yukari looked up and there was a man. He had short black hair in a professional cut, a pair of attractive wire-frame glasses, and was dressed in a white dress shirt and black trousers. Even the pocket protector in his shirt, which held a selection of pencils and pens, seemed to suit him. “We've been wondering when you could come up, sensei and sensei. We're right here.”

Yukari was stunned. “What? You're... You're....”

“Takashi Edogashi, at your service. Come on up.”

4.Sweets for the Sweet

Yukari and Nyamo walked up the stairs, and Takashi let them in. “Osaka's in the kitchen. I'll be a moment.”

Nyamo was puzzled. “You don't call her Ayumu?”

“I didn't even know her name was Ayumu until three weeks after we met. Well, I'd better go get her. You're welcome to the sofa.”

“Thanks,” Nyamo said, and then realized as she approached it that she was stepping on things. “You don't keep this place very tidy, do you?”

“I'd like to, but there isn't really time. I'll be right back.”

Yukari and Nyamo took seats on the sofa, which at least had been cleared off, and Nyamo breathed a heavy sigh. “This reminds me of your dorm room,” she said.

Yukari saw something that distracted her. “Look! A candy bowl!” she said, pointing to a small covered dish on the small table beside her.

“You'd better not raid it.” Nyamo said.

“That's what candy bowls are for, silly!” Yukari said, pulling off the top and reaching inside. “I wonder if it's candy-coated chocolate, or mints, or...” Then Yukari realized she was feeling something funny, took a look inside, and rapidly reclosed it. When Nyamo looked at her, Yukari was sitting gaping in shocked amazement. “It's not candy.” she finally said.

“Then what is it?”

“Condoms. The damn thing's filled with condoms.”

“Osaka's grown up, hasn't she?”

“I'm serious here! Who the hell keeps condoms in a candy dish?”

Nyamo found herself chuckling in spite of herself, just audibly enough for Yukari to hear.

“And what's so damn funny, Nyamo?”

“That's you're so upset. You must admit there are many worse things that could have been in there.”

“Worse things? Great. Now I'm going to spend the whole evening imagining Osaka high. Thanks a lot for the terrifying mental image, Nyamo.” And at that moment Yukari heard the voice she least wished to hear at that particular moment.

“What terrifying mental image?” Osaka, wearing a T-shirt, jeans and an apron, had entered the room. She then noticed where Yukari's hand was. “Oh, I see you found the candy dish.”

“I can't believe you keep condoms in a candy dish, Osaka!”

“Doesn't everybody? Besides, there are a few mint in there.”

“MINT?”

“Yeah, they come in flavors. I'm not sure why, though....”

“Because men don't?” Nyamo offered helpfully.

“But they do! At least, they do have a flavor.” Then Osaka began looking up and stroking her chin thoughtfully. “But it's always the same one. Do different men have different flavors? I've wondered about that, but first-hand research is sort of out of the question – I mean, I wouldn't like it if Taka experimented on female flavors that way, would I? Fair's fair.”

Taka's voice could be heard from the kitchen. “Say, Osaka, I forgot to ask if your friends wanted tea. Could you ask them for me?”

“Uh, sure.” Osaka replied. “Yukari, would you....”

“I heard him. I'll take whatever you offer, though I'd rather it were beer.”

“We don't keep beer here. Neither of us like it.”

“Can't say I care for his taste.” Yukari huffed.

“That's good. I'd rather keep it to myself anyway.”

“Yukari doesn't want men with good taste,” Nyamo couldn't resist saying, “Yukari wants men that....”

“SHUT UP, NYAMO!”

5. The Story

After a few moments, everyone had their tea. Osaka and Taka had taken seats on the floor, allowing the two senior teachers the sofa. “It may not be alcohol,” Taka said, “but here's a toast anyway. Skoal!”

“No it's not,” Osaka pointed out. “It's hot. Skhot!”

“Did that make any sense to you?” Yukari asked. “By the way, does any of this make sense to you?”

“Making sense is overrated,” Taka said. “And it's something I try my best to get away from when I'm not coding in character movements.”

“I mean this whole setup, a guy like you with a girl like her.”

“Yeah, nice isn't it? I'm just lucky she can put up with me.”

Yukari sipped her tea. “I still wish this were beer.” Then a sudden thought struck her. “Wait a minute – SHE has to put up with YOU? What are you talking about?”

“It's true, I have a lot of habits that really annoy her. Like the way at the peak of a project I stay at the office for three days at a time, and then spend the time I'm given off still working on the project.”

“Off the clock, too.” Osaka added. “Taka's paid by the contract, regardless of the time he puts in, so there's no overtime pay. And when his last project was finally done he slept like a log for two days straight. I couldn't even wake him up for meals!”

“And then when I finally did wake up and she asked me what I dreamed about it was a walk-through of that part of the game!”

Nyamo nodded. “You have a hard job, Mr. Edogashi.”

“A professional artist's life is like that. Mangaka, animators, illustrators, cinema art directors – they all have it just as bad. And the downside, for me, is that in five years nobody will care about anything I did. But it's a good thing I'm not starting my next assingment for another week – we won't run out of money and I have time to socialize and to spend time with my darling Osaka.”

Tea suddenly came shooting out of Yukari's nose. “Did you say DARLING?”

“There are many other things I could say,....” Taka started to say.

Nyamo shook her head. “Given the way Yukari reacted to the candy dish, I don't think that would be wise.”

“ENOUGH WITH THE CANDY DISH!” Yukari screamed. She began to breathe heavily, in such a way that her chest was heaving in ways that Nyamo found rather disturbing.

“Say, Taka,” Osaka asked, “I'm beginning to wonder about dinner. I'm wondering if I really wanted to eat what I was planning to cook.”

“Well, there's always that family-style restaurant by the station. We can afford that....”

Yukari perked up. “They have beer? Right? Right? They have beer? Please say they have beer!”

“Or we can call for take-out.” Osaka helpfully added.

“Yeah, that'll give us a chance to actually finish the meal.” Nyamo added.

“And what is THAT supposed to mean,. Nyamo?”

“All right by me, Osaka.” Taka said.

Osaka pulled out her cell phone and hit one of the speed-dials. “Hello, Goddess Help Line? I'll have the usual please. Four sets. Right.”

Yukari and Nyamo both gaped. “What.... what just happened?”

“I just called the Goddess Help Line. Is that a problem? Did you want something else?”

“Yeah,” Yukari replied. “Like FOOD. Does the Goddess Help Line really exist, anyway?”

“Sure does. I call them all the time.”

“Can they get me a gorgeous guy? A new car? Piles and piles of money?”

“I never thought to ask for any of those things. I usually get the combination special.”

“COMBINATION SPECIAL?”

Suddenly Nyamo burst out laughing, with Taka soon joining in. Osaka looked between them, looking somewhat bewildered. Yukari looked more confused-angry.

“AND WHAT'S SO DAMN FUNNY? Has she been playing a joke?”

“Not intentionally,” Taka answered after calming down. “And the story behind it is funny and not-at-all funny at the same time. You see, my best friend my freshman year in college was a young man named Wifon Kai. His grandparents were immigrants from Shanghai who'd fled China ahead of the Communists, but he's a third-generation Japanese subject and his mother is Japanese. She and he got a lot of grief from his mother' parents. Anyway, the Kais were in the restaurant business, but Wifon was even more of a manga fan than I was. He was determined to be a managaka rather than take over the family business. And one of his favorite artists is Kyosuke Fujishima. He was good, too. Damn good. He has about to make a big splash at Komiket. But then his parents were killed in a car wreck – that's the sad part. He was an oldest son, he had two sisters in middle school, and his maternal grandparents didn't care whether he and his sisters lived or died.”

“That's terrible,” Nyamo said. “Hating your own grandchildren. Did they ever say why?”

Osaka shook her head “It was an ethnic thing with them. Wifon was a foreigner to them, even though he was their own flesh and blood. And he doesn't even speak Chinese!”

“The only way he could support his sisters,” Taka continued, “was to drop out of school and keep the restaurant open. Which he did without a moment's hesitation. And would you believe it – he proved to be really good at it. And he's putting his sisters through college now. Since it seemed such a sort of divine inspiration that saved his family's future, he renamed the restaurant the Goddess Cafe in honor of Fujishima. And the takeout line really is called the Goddess Help Line.”

“Wow!” Nyamo gasped. “What an amazing story! Is the food good?”

“Good enough that the whole studio gets most of their takeout from him. I admire Wifon a lot. A man who has his priorities in the right place when the chips are down.”

Nyamo nodded. “You've landed quite an interesting man yourself, Osaka.”

“I think so.” Osaka smiled. “Have you guys had any better luck than you had when I was in high school?”

Nyamo and Yukari looked across at each other, and then back to Osaka. In unison, they breathed a heavy sigh.

“We'll have to do something about that.” Osaka said.

“WHAT?”

“Unless, of course, you don't actually want men.”

“And what is THAT supposed to mean?” Yukari demanded.

Osaka smiled enigmatically and vacantly, and that smile scared Yukari to death.

TO BE CONTINUED