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[ P - Pre-Teen ]

ROOM SERVICE: ANIME STYLE

ACT II



R80: How we doing?

Silencer: Tenchi's almost ready, but he doesn't come on till later in the scene like Goku does. TK, Spike, and Duo are all set.

R80: Good, good! What about Vash, Gendo, Roger, Char, Exedore, Sakura, and Faye?

Char: We'll be ready; don't worry.

Exedore: Um, I'm afraid we have a slight problem... Ryoga's missing.

R80: Oh. (Does a double-take) ...What?! How the hell-?! Never mind, just see if you can find him! Send out the Fenrirs if you have to.

Exedore: I took the liberty of sending them out. But what if we cannot find him?

Gotsumon: Curtain's going up in 3 minutes for Act II.

Silencer: Who could we get on such short notice?

R80: Fortunately, I took the liberty of hiring an understudy. Leave it to me. (Aside to Char) Go get Arch!


3 minutes later, onstage...


(Gotsumon comes out from the curtains.)

Gotsumon: And now, folks, we present act 2 of Room Service! We open at Room 920 of early the next morning... (Exits)

(Curtains open to reveal the bedroom on most of the stage, still the same as before. TK is now in pajamas and has an icepack tied to his head. He and Duo are looking out the window while Spike is on the one bed, playing solitaire.)

TK: (Turns away from the window) I'm starving! I gotta have some food soon or I'm gonna pass out.

Duo: (Faces TK) Whattayou griping for? We're just as hungry as you are.

TK: (Sits on his bed, which is the outer bed) But you fellas are used to it. I've never gone without food for eighteen hours before.

Happyman: Eighteen hours? Egad!

Spike: (Not looking up from his cards) It's all a matter of willpower if you put your mind to it.

(Duo sits a bit down from Groucho, on the same bed)

TK: My mind's made up, but I can't do anything about my stomach.

Spike: How about a two-handed game of pinnacle while we're fasting?

Duo: Nah, I'm just gonna concentrate on food. (A minute of silence) If there was only something left we could hock.

(Spike eyes the moosehead hanging over the beds and stands up)

Kai: There's an idea.

Amuro: Nah, that's too easy.

Spike: How 'bout that moosehead?

Duo: (Stands up quickly) Oh no, you don't! I shotta him with my bare hands! I ate-a him up to the neck, but I refuse to part with the rest-a 'em!

Heero: Definitely something Duo would do.

Spike: (Walks to the middle of the room) If I could get my watch out of hock, I'd hock it again.

Duo: (Sits back down and puts his fists under his chin) I'm so hungry, I see spots before my eyes.

TK: Me, too.

Duo: ...Mine are beginning to look like hamburgers...

Spike: If you see one with onions on it, save it for me.

TK: ...My mother's the best cook in Oswego.

Spike: (Sounding defeated, and tired of the whining) Alright, alright, you're breaking my heart! (Goes to the couch and picks up the phone) Room service!

Duo: (Walks over to Spike) Use a different dialect this time.

Spike: (In a lighter, and somewhat British voice) 'Ello? This is Dr. Glass. Glass, the house physician. The patient in room 920 is very ill, and must have food immediately. ...Just developed a tapeworm.

TK: (Looks at Spike funny) "Tapeworm?"

Spike: (Goes back to his regular voice, sounding defeated again) I see... (Hangs up the phone) They said the tapeworm would have to register.

TK: (Gets up and storms over to Spike and Duo) Two hours ago, you told me Faker was coming back here with a turkey! That he'd won in a raffle!

Duo: Maybe he's getting it stuffed.

Spike: I didn't say he won it, exactly. I said he was going to win it. After all, he's running the raffle. He has as good a chance as anyone else.

TK: All you've done is take advantage of me! You stole my roller skates, you pawned the silver frame off my mother's picture, and you even took my sixty-seven dollars out of my pocket while I was asleep!

Spike: Well, I had to feed a cast of nineteen actors.

TK: (Walks back and forth between the couch and the beds) I wasn't here five minutes when you pawned my typewriter. That isn't even my property! I still owe money on it. Why, I may even be arrested! (Eyes go wide and he stands still) ...Gee!

Spike: What's the matter?

TK: (Puts his hand to his head) My head's going around! (Rushes to Spike's bed and jump on it so he's laying on his back)

(Spike and Duo rush up to the bed)

Duo: Must've been something you ate.

(There's a sudden knock on the door)

Spike: (To TK) In that other bed, quick!

(TK jumps to the other bed and hides under the covers, pretending to be sick. Duo is buy his side, pretending to take TK's pulse. Spike opens the door, to reveal Goku in his waiter's uniform.)

Spike: (Relieved and surprised) Oh, it's you.

Goku: (Bows slightly) How do you do, Mizter Miller?

TK: (Sees that it's only Goku, and sits up in bed) Oh, hello, Mr. Smurnov.

Goku: (Sees TK in bed and walks in) Oh! I am zorry! You're not feeling vell, Mizter Daviz?

TK: (To Spike and Duo) I promised Mr. Smurnov we'd hear him play the part of the Father.

Goku: (Bows) Thank you, Mizter Daviz!

Spike: (Gets an idea) Well, we might have a part for him... Don't we, Benelli?

Duo: Well, maybe.

Spike: Stand over there, Sasha!

(Goku moves to the center of the room.)

Spike: Turn around once.

(Goku does this)

Spike: What do you think, Benelli?

Duo: He looks just right to me. ...I could eat 'em raw.

Chichi: Not if Goku eats him first, tee hee!

Gohan: Ssh!

Spike: (Shoots a look at Duo that says "that's not what I meant!" Then faces Goku) Sasha, could you get us a meal out of the hotel?

Goku: But they cut you off room zervice!

Spike: I know, but maybe you could mix things up, like deliver the right meal to the wrong room?

Goku: Deliver a meal to the vrong room?

Duo: (Jumping in) We got a terrific part for you.

Goku: (Smiles at the offer) A terrific part?

Spike: yes, but it's so terrific that unless Dvais gets some food in him, he'll be too weak to tackle it. I'm not asking for a meal for myself...

Audience: (Thinking) Yeah, right!

Spike: But if you let a great American playwright starve to death, his blood will be on your hands. Do you know what the penalty for murder is in this country?

Goku: Vell... I juts left a big order in zervice elevator. I got to deliver it upstairs, but... I don't know. You zee, I take big chance...

Spike: Might lead to a Hollywod contract.

Goku: (Very excited now) HOLLYVOOD?! Gentlemen, you are zinging music in my earzide! ...But if Mizter Wagner zould find out-!

Spike: Think of the other Russians who made it big in the same way.

Goku: Three yearz, I zlave in kitchen! I no got courage. But now, I got courage! I do it! (Rushes out the door)

Vegeta: Heh, he usually runs like that when it's time for dinner.

TK: (Amazed) He sure has a lot of talent.

Duo: Sure, I once saw him carry twelve dishes at one time.

(There's another knock on the door, more gently. Spike opens it to reveal Tenchi, who is in a light brown suit and tie and wearing glasses. Spike and Dup stand so that Tenchi can't see TK.)

Tenchi: How do you do, gentlemen?


Backstage for a moment...

Silencer: You sure Ryoko and Ayeka can't get in?

R80: I got Washu to design a security system that rejects anyone who has the DNA of those two women automatically if they come within 5 feet of the building.

Silencer: I shoulda thought of that.


Back to the stage...

Tenchi: Is there a Mr. Leo Davis here?

Spike: And who might you be?

Tenchi: (Pulls out a business card) My name is Timothy Hogarth. I represent the "We Never Sleep" Collection Agency.

(Spike tosses a quick glance at TK, who quickly hides under the bed.)

Happyman: Uh-oh! The repo man.

Spike: (Shakes Tenchi's hand and leads him in so Duo can close the door) Come in, Mr. Hogarth! It's a pleasure to meet a man who never sleeps!

Duo: Yes, you must come up and take-a nap sometime.

Spike: Say, maybe we can all go into Vaudeville together? You never sleep and we never eat.

Tenchi: Yes, well, I'm here to see Mr. Davis about his typewriter. Is Mr. Davis in?

Spike: No, he isn't.

Tenchi: Oh. When will he be back?

Spike: Mr. Hogarth, I have some bad news for you. Mr. Davis is never coming back.

Tenchi: Oh! Gone away?

Spike: They took him away.

Tenchi: Is he... ill?

Spike: Worse than that, he went crazy.

Tenchi: But, er, I understand he just arrived from Oswego.

Duo: No, he escaped from Oswego.

Kari: The Marx Bros. at work... amazing how good they can con people.

Tenchi: Poor man. Well, there is a matter of four hundred and seventy dollars on his typewriter.

Spike: I'm afraid you'll never get it.

Duo: He tore up all his money.

Tenchi: He must be mad. (Shakes his head sadly, as do Spike and Duo) Well... in that case, I'll have to take back the typewriter.

Spike: Oh, he took it with him.

Tenchi: To a madhouse?

Duo: He likes to hear the little bell ring.

Tenchi: (Nods in understanding) Well... I've never made a collection at a madhouse before, but... I have my orders. (Heads for the door, slowly, then faces Spike and Duo) Where did you say they took him?

Spike: The maternity hospital.

Tenchi: Maternity hospital?! But I thought you said he was crazy.

Spike: If he wasn't crazy, he wouldn't go to the maternity hospital, would he?

Kai: (Whispers) Nice logic.

Tenchi: I see. (Reaches for the doorknob)

Duo: You can't miss him. Second straightjacket to the left.

(Tenchi nods at Duo, then opens the door to leave.)

Spike: Oh, and, uh, don't mention any of this to the hotel staff.

Tenchi: Oh no. I understand. Good day, gentlemen. (Exits)

Spike & Duo: Good day! (Shake hands with each other once the door closes)

TK: (Sits up again in bed) You shouldn't have told him a thing like that!

Duo: Why not? You can't sue a lunatic.

Amuro: (Thinking) I wouldn't be so sure.

TK: But they may send a letter to my mother-!

Spike: So what? Your mother knows you're not crazy.

Mrs. Takaishi: A little secretive, maybe, but not crazy.

TK: I dunno where I'm at! Mr. Gribble says I owe six thousand dollars, downstairs they think I have a tapeworm, and that man thinks I'm a lunatic!

(At that moment, Vash enters. He has something hidden under his trenchcoat, and a smile on his face.)

Duo: Did you getta the turkey?

(Vash nodes, and then opens his coat to shoe he has a live turkey, played by Hawkmon, by the leg. It gobbles and flaps its wings in an attempt to escape.)

TK: Food! (Gets out of bed)

Spike: Shut the door, quick!

(Duo slams the door shut as Hawkmon frees himself and flies about the room looking for an exit. The others chase him around until he flies out towards the audience and out the one air duct in the roof. Spike and the others watch him fly away, then sit on the floor and sulk.)

Spike: Well, we had no cranberries, anyway.

(At that moment, Goku enters, bringing in a pushcart with plate sof food on top of it.)

R80: (Backstage) I hope he didn't eat any of the food.

Goku: Gentlemen, I bring you banquet.

Duo: Food!

(The four rush at the pushcart and pull up chairs to sit and eat. Goku smiles at his work.)

Goku: I'll come back for the dizhez. (Exits)

Spike: (As he grabs some food) Snap the lock, Sash!

(The lights dim as the four continue to eat. Minutes later, the lights come up and the food is all gone. The four sit at the pushcart and smile as their bellies are now full. Vash is eating several bananas he hid under his coat.)

Spike: Well, I hate to double-cross that Russian waiter, but we can't fire the actor we got. He's been rehearsing seven weeks now without pay.

TK: You mean you promised him a part just to get a meal out of him?!

BGCrisis: Typical Groucho thing to do.

Spike: That's not entirely true. When I made the offer, I was prepared to go through with it. But, now that I've eaten, I've seen things in a little different light.

(The phone rings suddenly. Spike calmly reaches over and takes the receiver.)

Spike: Hello? (Hands the phone to TK) For you, Davis.

TK: (Takes the phone) Hello? ...Oh hello, Hilda. ...No, I'm not really sick. I can explain everything! ...Alright, I'll meet you down in the lobby right away. Goodbye. (Hangs up and goes to get his shoes and coat on)

Spike: (Stands up with Duo) Where are you going?

TK: I'm going to meet the woman I love!

(Vash keeps eating his bananas while Duo and Spike try to stop TK from leaving.)

Spike: But you're supposed to be sick! That's the only thing keeping this play alive, that we have a sick man in the hotel-!

TK: Now listen, fellas, You starve me and rob me, and I went along with it because I thought I owed it to the play. Well there's one thing that's more important than any play, and that's love! It's only comes once in a lifetime! (Heads for the door)

Spike: (Heads him off) Well, once is enough for me!

TK: (Now really mad) I'm going now! And I'll brain any man who tries to stop me! (Opens the door)

Duo: That's-a fine thing! Yesterday, we wanna you to go home, you dun wanna go home! Now we wanna you to stay, you wanna go! Make up you're mind!

TK: My mind IS made up! (Exits, slamming the door)

Trowa: And TNT says they know drama.

Spike: "Love." He sounds just like one of the characters in his play.

Duo: I dunno. I like-a love.

(They walk over and sit around the pushcart with Vash.)

Spike: I like it, too, but there's a time and place for it.

Duo: I like it anytime. (To Vash) Hey, Faker, how 'bout you? Was you ever in love?

(Vash nods and pulls out a miniature blonde doll from his coat. He gives it a squeeze and it emits a sound like a small cry. He then gives it a quick kiss and puts it back into his coat.)

Duo: Of course I like 'em a little bigger.

(Door knocks again.)

Duo: I'll get it. (Gets up and opens the door to reveal Faye, who is holding a large grocery bag in her arms) Hello, Christine.

Faye: Hello. (Walks in and sees the pushcart and the remains of the food) Where'd this banquet come from?

Duo: One of the waiters wants to be an actor.

Faye: And I borrowed ten dollars from the porter, dashed out of the office, and expected you boys to be gnawing on the carpet. (Puts the bag atop the cart)

Spike: Got the contract?

Faye: Copied it right off of Freemont's best. It's in the bag, next to the corn beef sandwich.

Spike: (Looks in the bag) Is this is with the mustard on it?

Faye: Uh-huh.

Spike: (Pulls out the contract) I think I'm gonna like this. I never had a contract with mustard on it.

(Vash puts his hand into the bag and pulls out a sandwich wrapped in plastiwrap. Without unwrapping it, he bites into the sandwich, wrapping and all.)

Tai: He's half goat.

(There's yet another knock on the door, this time more forceful. Everyone looks at the door.)

Gendo: (From behind the door) Open the door!

Spike: (Not too loudly) Wagner! (A bit louder) Faker, get in that bed and play sick! Christine, you have to play nurse!

(Spike puts the contract in his coat pockte as Vash dashes for TK's bed and takes off his coat, still eating a banana. Faye tosses off her coat and hat and pulls out a nurse's cap from her pocket. Duo is searching around for something.)

Spike: (To Vash) Get that banana outta your mouth!

Duo: (To Spike) Where's-a the iodine? He's supposed ta have the measles.

Spike: Never mind that, he's supposed to have a tapeworm now.

(There's more banging on the door. Spike rushes over to unlock it.)

Spike: Just a minute, Mr. Wagner! There' seems to be something wrong with this lock.

(Spike takes a quick look back. Faye is dropping grapes into Vash's mouth as he lies in bed under the covers. Duo is on the other side of the bed, pretending to take Vash's pulse. Seeing this, Spike opens the door. Gendo immediately rushes in once the door is open. Spike starts to close the door, but Roger then enters. Spike tries again, but Exedore comes in, wearing glasses and carrying a small doctor's bag. Spike looks out into the hall to make sure no one else is about to come in before he closes the door.)

Gendo: (Looks at and points at the pushcart) Miller, where'd this meal come from?

Spike: Dr. Glass ordered it for the patient.

Exedore: (Looks at Spike, a little angry) Dr. Galss did nothing of the kind!

Spike: (Glances at Exedore) I refuse to argue with a house detective.

Exedore: I'm not a detective, I'm a doctor! Dr. Glass!

(Spike does a double take at Exedore and smiles apologetically.

Gendo: I wanna know how this meal got up here! Can't I get to the bottom of anything?! They check in, they check out, they skip, they don't skip, they get sick, and now this food! I'll fire that waiter! I'll fire the whole darn kitchen!!

Faye: (Looks back at Wagner) SSH! Quiet, please! There's a patient in the room.

Spike: Mr. Davis has a tapeworm.

Gendo: (Makes his way to the bed with the others.) Last night it was the measles!

Spike: I'm not responsible for complications. He also has laryngitis. We had to get a nurse.

Gendo: (Looks at Vash) Wait a minute! This isn't Davis! I met Davis yesterday, and he didn't look anything like that.

Spike: Yes, it's shocking. The man's aged ten years on account of the service in this hotel.

Kari: Good one.

Gendo: Well, his hair wasn't as blonde yesterday!

Duo: It's-a rare case. He's gotta blonde-colored tapeworm.

Gendo: There's something screwy about this! Miller, would you consent to having this man moved to a hospital at the expense of the hotel?

Spike: It's up to Dr. Benelli. What do you think, doctor?

Duo: The patient is too sick to be moved!

(Faye moves aside to stand next to Spike as Exedore moves closer to Vash and puts on his stethoscope.)

Exedore: (To Vash) How do you feel, young man?

Duo: He's hungry all the time.

Exedore: Please let the patient speak for himself!

Duo: How can he speak when he's got laryngitis?

Exedore: I insist the patient speaks for himself!

(Vash burps suddenly.)

Spike: There, you heard what he said!

Faye: I'd wish you'd hurry, doctor. It's time for the patient's nap.

Gendo: He won't sleep till we find out what's going on! Miller, you've committed fraud! The only thing preventing me from throwing you out is the remote possibility that this man may have some sort of disease.

Exedore: His pulse is normal.

Duo: That's what you think you little quack!

Exedore: Quack?! I refuse to be insulted! Doctor, I question your ethics! I'll have you investigated! (To Vash) Say "Ah!"

(Vash tries to say "ah," but being the silent character, he can only mouth the word. Exedore keeps asking him to say "Ah." Duo reaches down and grabs the tiny doll from Vash's coat and slips it in his hand under the covers. Vash squeezes it to sound like he's saying "Ah.")

Spike: He'll never be able to see the tapeworm that way.

Matt: Not unless he has a telescope.

Gendo: (To Roger) Gribble, I thought you knew better!

Roger: Now Mr. Wagner-!

Gendo: Allowing yourself to be hoodwinked by this chiseler-!

Roger: (Starting to get angry) This I all unnecessary! I handle my guests in a different way-!

Gendo: (Almost screaming) And I don't like your way! It's not the White Way way! (He slams his fist into his other hand with each word, starting with "not.")

(Vash starts to toss and turn in bed as Exedore tries to examine his throat.)

Roger: I won't allow you insult my guests-!

Gendo: What guests?! The whole darn nineteenth floor is empty!

Roger: YOU locked them all out!

Gendo: And I'll lock out every other floor in this hotel!

Roger: You and who else?!

Spike: Would you please take your argument down to your offices? There's a sick man up here.

Gendo: For goodness' sake, doctor, do something! Get him healthy, get him out of here!

Spike: Now calm down, Wagner! My backer will be here any minute.

Gendo: I'm not interested in your backer!

(Exedore wraps Vash up in the blankets from the bed and escorts him to the bathroom door.)

Spike: Where are you taking him?

Exedore: I always respect the modesty of my patients!

(Exedore opens the door and leads Vash in, closing the door behind him. Duo goes to the door and peaks in through the keyhole for ten seconds before looking back at the others quickly.)

Duo: I'll step outta the case!

(At that moment, Tenchi rushes in and stands in the hall doorway.)

Tenchi: I have terrible news! He's disappeared!

(Spike, Duo, and Faye walk over to Tenchi. Gendo and Roger watch, confused.)

Spike: Disappeared?

Tenchi: He's not at the maternity hospital.

Spike: They've transferred him.

Tenchi: Oh!

Spike: To the county hospital.

Duo: Go, my friend!

Spike: Before they transfer him again!

Tenchi: But, what-?!

Faye: There's no time to lose! Scram!

Spike: (Raises his right arm in a salute) Hail and farewell!

Duo: (Same) Hail and farewell!

Faye: (Same) Hail and Farewell!

Tenchi: (Getting into the spirit, does the same) Hail and farewell! (Exits quickly)

Spike: (Faces the others) Wonderful!

Duo: Terrific!

Faye: Sensational!

Spike: I didn't think he could do it. How'd you like that, Wagner? That was a scene from our second act.

(The phone rings.)

Gendo: (Heads for the phone) Miller, I've been a hotel man for twenty years! I've met all sorts of-. (Picks up receiver) Hello? ...Yes, this is Mr. Wanger. ...What's that? Nineteen people?! (Pulls receiver away) Jumping butterballs! (Faces the others) Nineteen people have been discovered living in the ballroom! (Into the receiver) Throw 'em out! (Hangs up) Come on, Gribble! We'll see about this!

(Roger and Gendo make for the door. As Roger exits, Spike tries to stop Gendo.)

Spike: Now Wagner-!

Gendo: (Does the salute) Hail and Farewell! (Exits, closing the door behind him)

Spike: (Faces the others) They're gonna throw my entire cast out of the hotel... ...Christine, get down there and tell 'em all to wait in the lobby!

Faye: Right! (Exits quickly)

(At this moment, Exedore and Vash exit from the bathroom. Vash, still wrapped up in the blanket, makes for the one side of the bed to put his coat back on. Exedore goes for his back to put his tools away.)

Exedore: That man is perfectly healthy. Mr. Wagner will be happy when I tell him so.

Spike: (Grabs Exdore by the arm) Listen to me for one minute doc; tell him tonight, tomorrow, but not now!

Exedore: I'll tell him right now! (Tries to shake his arm free)

Spike: I'll give you a piece of the show-!

Exedore: I don't want a piece of the show!

Spike: (Makes Exedore look at him while Duo steals the bag and puts in in the bathroom) I'll put your name in the program-!

Exedore: I don't want my name in the program! Put that fake doctor's name in the program, whatever his name is! I'm going down now and tell-! (Notices his bag is gone, looks around) Where's my bag? What have you done with my bag?!

Duo: (Calmly) You must've left it ina bathroom, doc.

(Exedore immediately heads for the bathroom. After exchanging looks, Duo and Spike follow him and close the door. There are the sounds of scuffling as well as raised voices by the three from behind the door. Vash, who is finally back in his coat, heads for the window to look out. Although the audience can't see what he's looking at, the blackened half of the stage is lit up to reveal a park bench nearby the building. TK and Sakura appear and sit on the bench as Vash, standing in an angle, pulls out a telescope and uses it to get a better look at the couple. TK sneaks a kiss on Sakura's cheek, surprising her. Vash smiles and looks away, blushing and acting giddy as if he had been kissed.)

Kari: (Thinking to herself aloud) It's just a play. Sakura's not stealing TK. TK's not into Sakura.

Tai: (Whispers) A bit louder, sis, I don't think they heard you.

Sakura: Y-you shouldn't have kissed me.

TK: I couldn't help it. I've done anything like that before.

Sakura: (Smiles) But I'll forgive you because you were so nice to Sasha.

(The park goes black and the two exit in the darkness, as a "gobble, gobble" sound is heard. Vash looks to one side out the window. Then, he quickly races out the door into the hall, closing it behind him. At that moment, Duo and Spike exit from the bathroom, closing the door behind them.)

Duo: Well, I guess that'll hold that fake doctor-a while.

(The phone rings. Spike rushes to pick it up)

Spike: Hello? ...Speaking. Oh, yes, come right up, Mr. Jenkins! (Hangs up the phone and faces Duo) Benelli, he's here! The backer, he's here!

Duo: Santy Claus!

Spike: Neckties! (Looks around) Faker! Hey, Faker! (Looks out in the hall) Faker! (Closes the door as Duo hands him a tie. He puts it on and ties it) He's run out on us! That makes two sick men running around! You know, Benelli, we may start an epidemic in this town. (Finishes with the tie) You go down and see if you can find him! If Wagner catches sight of him, we're sunk!

(The door knocks again. Duo hides behind it as Spike opens the door to reveal Char, who walks in.)

Spike: Ah, Mr. Jenkins! Come right in!

Char: (Enters) Thank you. I see we're all alone today.

(Duo sneaks out the door as Spike closes it behind him.)

Spike: Yes, I thought things would be better this way. (Leads Char over to the cart and the contract) I have the contract right over here, a hundred and fifty shares made out in the name of Simon Jenkins.

Char: Transferable, of course? (Views over the contract as he sits in a chair)

Spike: Of course!

Char: Very well, everything seems in order... Well, you're going to see the signature on the check anyway, so you might as well know who your backer is. *Pulls out the check and hands it to Spike) You ever hear of-?

Spike: (Eyes widen at the signature) Zachery Fisk?!

Char: Zachery Fisk himself. Now the check is made out to me, personally, but I'll just endorse it over to you.

Spike: (Reads name of bank and city on check, and frowns) Clover City, California. That means it'll be five days before I get the money. I was hoping to get started today.

Char: Young energy. Well, I'll have my bank wire a certification to yours if it'll help.

Spike: (Brightens up) If it isn't too much trouble.

Char: No trouble at all! In fact, I'll make a note of it. (Pulls out a pad and pen and writes down a note)

Spike: Now, Mr. Jenkins, if you'll be so good enough to sign the contract...

Char: Of course. (Puts pad away) Oh, and Mr. Miller, please remember the name of Zachery Fisk must remain in the background.

Spike: Mr. Jenkins, you have my word, and you know what that's worth.

(Just as Char is about to sign the contract, Gendo bursts in and walks over to the beds. He looks at Spike as the others look at him.)

Gendo: Where's Davis?

Spike: (Rushes up to Gendo and talks softly) Will you go away? This is the deal I told you about-!

Gendo: Miller, you can't put me off any longer! Now even your phony sick man is disappeared, and that gives me every right to demand this room immediately!

Char: (Points at Gendo) Who is this?

Gendo: (Notices Char) Never mind who I am, who are you?

Spike: (Quickly) Look, you can't take those pictures yet!

Char: Pictures?

Spike: Mr. Wagner here is my press agent, he has an idea-.

Gendo: I only have ONE idea!

Char: Press agent?! That means publicity-!

Spike: Oh, but it concerns the cast-.

Gendo: I'm here for money!

Spike: I have the check-!

Gendo: Whose check?

Spike: "Whose check?!" Mr. Jenkins happens to represent one of our greatest-!

Char: Mr. Miller!

Gendo: I've had it with you! Do I get my money, or don't I?

Spike: For Pete's sake, Wagner, will you get out before I fire you!

Gendo: FIRE ME?! Who do you think you're talking to?

Char: (Stands, leaves contract on the table) I don't like this!

(Just then, Duo and Roger enter the room, closing the door behind them.)

Duo: (Takes one look in the room and stops) Sorry, wrong room! (Grabs Roger and tries to leave)

Char: (Points at Duo) Isn't that your treasurer?

Spike: (Rushes over to Roger) Mr. Gribble, I demand you take Wagner away!

Gendo: Gribble, take Miller away!

Spike: (Quickly, to Gendo) Shut up! (Quickly and quietly, to Roger) Joe, help me out here, I practically have the check in my pocket!

Roger: (Faces Gendo) Now Mr. Wagner, please calm down!

Gendo: I won't calm down till Miller's out!

Char: (Walks over to Spike) Are you trying to blackmail me?!

Spike: (Offended) Mr. Jenkins!

Roger: See what you've done? Miller's my brother-in-law, I'll vouch for him!

Audience: Uh-oh.

Kai: (Whispers) Now they're in for it!

Gendo: Brother-in-law? Now I see it clearly. Gribble, you've committed fraud! I'm calling the police!

Char: (Panicked) Police?!

(Roger tries to stop Wagner from calling the police while Spike and Duo try to calm down Char.)

Char: Let me out of here! I'm not interested in shysters; I'm going for a real investment!

Spike: But Mr. Jenkins-!

(Char heads for the bathroom door, thinking it's the exit, but when he opens it, out falls Exedore, tied up and gagged. All eyes are on Exedore.)

Char: AAAHH!!! GOOD HEAVENS! HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF HERE?!

Roger: Dr. Glass!

Gendo: They've kidnapped him!

(Gendo and Roger head for Exedore while Duo and Spike follow Char to the door leading to the next hotel room.)

Duo: Look, Mr. Jenkins! First place, we didn't do it, second place, we dunno who he is!

Spike: He could be left over from the last convention!

(BACKSTAGE)

R80: Okay, switch to next room, now!

(ONSTAGE)

(The scenery quickly changes to the next room. Duo, Char, and Spike enter and then pause to see Vash chasing the turkey/Hawkmon around the room, with a baseball bat.)

Spike: (To Char) How do you like it? It's a scene from our second act.

Char: I don't like it.

Duo: You dun like it, we'll give you another scene. You can have any scene you want.

(Vash strikes at Hawkmon with the bat, but instead destroys several vases as the chase continues around the room. At one point, he hits Char on the head, knocking him out. Spike and Duo catch the limp Char and set him in a nearby chair. Spike pulls out the check and fans Char with it.)

Duo: Whatta we do now?

Spike: Don't look at me, you're supposed to be the doctor.

(The scene suddenly switches back to the other room, where Gendo and Roger are still untying Exedore, who sits on the bed, his back to the audience.)

Gendo: Don't worry, I'll get Miller for this. I'll put them all behind bars, including gribble!

Roger: Shall I get you a drink?

Gendo: Are you all right?

(Exedore stands up and glares at Gendo, no longer having his back to the audience, but now at Roger.)

Exedore: I haven't been all right since you came to this hotel!

Gendo: (To Roger) You see what your brother-in-law did? His mind's wandering.

Exedore: My mind's NOT wandering! I don't blame Miller for tying me up! He had a perfectly good reason; he was transacting a legitimate deal! I hold YOU responsible for what he did to me! You drove him to it!

Gendo: Say, you're not Miller's brother-in-law, too?!

Exedore: All I know is that Zachery Fisk is backing his play, and that's good enough recommendation for anybody!

Gendo: (Shocked) Zachery Fisk?!

Exedore: I heard every word in the bathroom. That man you insulted was an agent from Mr. Fisk. He has a check for Miller signed by Fisk himself!

Gendo: (Upset greatly) Fisk! Why didn't Miller tell me?!

Exedore: Because he's afraid of publicity! Because he's afraid of YOU!

(At that moment, Roger steps forward to Gendo, his anger resurfacing.)

Roger: Yes, everybody's afraid of you! You steamed into this hotel like a tugboat, took charge without faith in anyone's judgment, nobody can talk to you! Jumping butterballs!

Happymanguy: (Thinking) Go, Roger!

Exedore: (Crosses to the door to the hall) I'm THROUGH with this hotel, Mr. Wagner! (Faces Roger & Gendo) I'll thank you to remove my shingal from the elevator! (Exits)

(Spike & Duo re-enter, carrying a slightly weak Char by the arms.)

Char: Gentlemen, I'm very tired from all this. Could you please show me out?

(Gendo & Roger quickly rush up to the three. Gendo has changed his expression from fear and anger to calmness.)

Gendo: Excuse me, Mr. Jenkins? I want to apologize. There's another Miller in the hotel.

Roger: (Quickly) He had the bills confused.

Gendo: These gentlemen have plenty of credit.

Char: I don't care about-! (Tries to walk away)

Gendo: I had no idea Zachery Fisk was involved.

Char: (Faces Gendo, looking pale) Zachery Fisk, how did you-?

Roger: Dr. Glass heard everything in the bathroom.

Char: Dr Glass?! Who told-?

Gendo: It's all right!

Roger: We'll keep it quiet.

Spike: (Holding onto the check) Now, Mr. Jenkins, if you'll be good enough to sign the check...

Char: No, no! Lemme go-!

(Char is lead over to the table to sit down.)

Char: Please, gentlemen! I... I have a faint heart-.

Duo: (Pulls out a pen quickly) Well, you'd better hurry, here's the pen!

Spike: It'll only take a minute.

Char: (Giving in) Anything, just let me leave afterwards.

(Duo turns around and leans forward. Char puts the check on Duo's back and signs it before handing it over to Spike.)

Gendo: And we'll be happy to have you as a guest, Mr. Jenkins, entirely without charge.

Char: (Gets up) Thank you, but just the same, I'm going... straight to my doctor. (Heads for the closet, mistaking it for the exit) Good day, gentlemen. (Opens the closet dorr, and gets bombarded with cans and Vash's folding bed) WILL YOU PLEASE SHOW ME THE RIGHT WAY OUTTA HERE?!

Spike: This way, Mr. Jenkins! (Opens the door out to the hall.) Goodbye, sir.

Gendo, Duo, Roger: Goodbye!

(Char exits quickly. Spike, smiling at the check in his hand, sits down in the chair. He is surrounded by Gendo, Roger, and Duo.)

Gendo: Well, Miller, I'll take that check now.

Duo: No, you don't! I'M the treasurer, so-.

Spike: Oh no! I'll hold onto it. As soon as the check clears, which will be in five days, I'll pay the bill.

Gendo: I'd be happier if you deposited the check in our bank, actually.

Spike: What will I do for money?

Gendo: You can draw against the check, and as soon as it clears, we'll hand over the balance.

Spike: I dunno. This is a shaky hotel. How do I know you won't go into bankruptcy?

Gendo: Well, I'll make out an agreement addressing the money to you, personally.

Duo: How do we know your credit is good?

Gendo: (Getting fed up) I want this bill wiped off my first report! And I can't do that unless I have a check deposited against it.

Roger: Oh, Gordon, for once in your life, pay a bill!

Happymanguy: (Thinking) Too bad he's not paying me that money.

Duo: Ah, you might as well do it.

Spike: (Giving in) All right, I'll do it for you, Joe. (Signs the back of the check, then hands it over to Gendo).

Gendo: Thank you, Mr. Miller.

Spike: And I'd like to move out this drowsy little dungeon, Wagner. I want the best suite in the hotel.

Gendo: I'll give you the bridal suite.

Spike: All right, and about three brides.

Gendo: I'm sorry I mistrusted you. (Shakes Spike's hand) Goodbye, sir.

(Roger & Gendo exit. A minute later, Faye & Vash enter. Spike rushes up to Faye.)

Spike: Christine, I'm paying a bill!

Faye: (Hugs Spike) Darling!

Duo: That's-a fine, but what about-a the cast, boss?

Faye: That's right, they can't stay in the lobby.

Spike: Everybody move back in again! The hotel's wide open!

(At that moment, TK enters, looking down.)

Spike: Davis, we're in the money!

Duo: 1.5 million!

TK: I just spoke to Mr. Jenkins.

Spike: Then he told you?

TK: He told me. He's going to stop payment on the check. He said he only endorsed it so he could get out of the hotel.

Spike: But he can't do that! He signed the contract-! Or did he?!

(Everyone rushes over to the table where the contract is. Spike picks it up and examines it. A second later, he shakes his head sadly.)

Audience: Ouch.

TK: I feel sick. (Sits on the one bed)

Spike: (Drops contract) Four months to get it, and one minute to lose it. (Gets angry) They can't do this! I'll sue the hotel for five million dollars!

Duo: You ain't gotta leg to stand on.

Spike: I'll sue Zachery Fisk; I'll sue Jenkins!

Duo: He didn't sign the contract.

Spike: (Sits in chair and sulks) There must be somebody I can sue.

(Faye pats his shoulder gently, trying to comfort him. Duo & Vash start to clean out the closet, getting ready to skip again.)

TK: I'm sorry... but I guess I'll have to take my play to Mr. Freemont.

Faye: (Looks at TK) But you can't do that! It's all we have.

TK: I know that. But-.

Faye: (Rushes to TK and kneels in front of him) No, you don't understand! We've been working on this for five months! I've missed my lunches for rehearsals.

TK: I can understand... but, I can't wait another five months. I gotta earn some money now.

Faye: You're thinking of Hilda, aren't you?

TK: Not only that, but-.

Faye: Well, if it's the waiter you're worrying about, he'll get the part. (Looks at Spike) Won't he?

(Spike can only nod.)

TK: Gee, I dunno what to say. If we only had another backer!

Spike: (Stands up, having an idea) Davis, we have a backer! Wagner's putting that check through his bank, isn't he?

TK: So?

Spike: So, for five days, we have 1.5 million dollars worth of credit.

Faye: (Catching on) Gordon, you're not thinking-?

Spike: Why not? We're all rehearsed; we can open in five days!

Duo: (Wearing a bunch of coats) Sure! All we need are scenery and costumes!

Spike: We can charge it to the hotel.

TK: But, it's illegal-!

Spike: Relax, Davis! Wagner is backing the play. "Jumping butterballs!"

(Vash whistles a happy tune as he shakes Spike's hand. TK shakes his head, knowing what may happen. The lights dim and the curtain falls as the audience claps. Gotsumon appears onstage.)

Gotsumon: End of Act 2. Act 3, coming up shortly.



To be concluded...


Next: It's opening night of the play, and Spike and the crew are trapped in the bridal suite. Why? And what was that phone call for Gendo about? It's the final act of ROOM SERVICE: ANIME STYLE!

Be here! -R80