Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Bleach Ficlets: Dare To Live ❯ 43 Shattered Dream ( Chapter 43 )

Authors Note: I don't own Bleach and make no claims on it. If I did, there'd be a whole hell of a lot of kinky shit going down.

 

43Shattered Dream

 

I'd hoped that Ichigo would follow his usual routine of waiting until everybody else left the classroom first so I could speak to him in private. I didn't think he was avoiding me. At least I hoped he wasn't avoiding me. I was pretty sure he didn't know about the incident at Urahara's shop where Chad sort of outted him.

 

I still wasn't entirely convinced Chad had his information right.

 

I mean, how in the world could I have missed something like that? Maybe Chad misunderstood something he heard or saw. Maybe Ichigo and Ishida were just… experimenting. There was nothing wrong with testing out your sexuality. And really, who better to try something like that with than one of your friends that you trusted your life with? Just because Ichigo and Ishida might have been involved didn't mean Ichigo didn't like girls, too. Some people liked both.

 

Relief flooded me. That had to be it. Ichigo wasn't gay, he was bi-sexual.

 

Not that there was anything wrong with being gay. Whatever made a person happy and didn't hurt others was fine by me. I just couldn't see Ichigo as gay. I'd always had my suspicions about Ishida though, what with him being in the sewing club and having great fashion sense. But I'd never gotten a hint of that kind of leaning with Ichigo and I'd known him forever.

 

“Kurosaki-kun, could I talk to you for a minute?” I asked in a low voice once the last stragglers left and Ichigo was heading for the door himself.

 

“Sure, Orihime. What's up?”

 

“Ummm… somebody said something a little while back and I was really surprised by it. I didn't want to believe it, but it was said by somebody who doesn't lie. I just wanted to know if it was true or if they were mistaken.”

 

“If I didn't hear the conversation, I don't think I'm gonna be much help. Nobody was bad mouthing you, were they? If somebody did, tell me who and I'll go kick their ass.”

 

I smiled at Ichigo. He was so sweet. He had to have some tender feelings for me if he was offering to kick someone's butt without even knowing the whole story. He was probably just too shy to make any moves. I knew he was a gentleman because he never stared at my boobs or talked to them instead of to my face like so many guys, and a few girls, did.

 

“The conversation was about you. Specifically, you and Ishida-kun and your relationship with him.”

 

Ichigo's eyes widened a little and he took a half-step back before he stopped himself. He looked surprised and I felt a flicker of hope that what Chad said hadn't been true. Ichigo looked down at the floor, ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily. He muttered something under his breath that I didn't catch before he sighed again and looked back up at me.

 

“Who said what?” There was resignation in his eyes and that made hope war with nervousness in my chest.

 

“Well, you see, Ishida-kun and Hisagi-kun came to Urahara-san's shop one day while I was there with Chad-kun. Renji-kun was there, too. Anyway, we were all having tea when Ishida-kun and Hisagi-kun come into the room unannounced, which was a little rude when they weren't invited, but Urahara-san didn't seem to mind and offered them tea, so they sat down, and right away Hisagi-kun asked Urahara-san about the Mod Souls, and Hisagi-kun seemed really upset about them. Urahara-san said it was okay and that he had special permission for them to stay, and then Hisagi-kun said it was a conflict of interest that Renji-kun was sleeping with a Mod Soul, and did you know Renji-kun was sleeping with Nova-kun? And then Renji-kun said it was none of Hisagi-kun's business who he slept with, and that he wasn't running around Soul Society tattling on Hisagi-kun trying to get into Ishida-kun's pants, and did you know Hisagi-kun wanted to get into Ishida-kun's pants? Hisagi-kun and Renji-kun almost got into a fight, and that's when Chad-kun asked Ishida-kun if you guys broke up, and so I wanted to know if it was true that you and Ishida-kun were a couple,” I said taking a much needed deep breath. “It's not true, is it?”

 

Ichigo looked totally confused. “What?”

 

I smiled in relief. Ichigo had no idea what I was talking about. Chad must have gotten it wrong. Ishida hadn't said anything at the time either, and I'm sure he would've said something if he'd really been seeing Ichigo. We were a pretty close group of friends. Hiding something like that would be impossible.

 

“Chad-kun must have gotten mixed up. It's kinda funny, really. He thought you and Ishida-kun were seeing each other.”

 

The confusion cleared from Ichigo's face. “Oh. Yeah, Ishida and I were seeing each other for a while.”

 

I sucked in a sharp breath. I hadn't expected that answer or to have Ichigo say it so simply. Maybe he still didn't get what I meant. I had kind of babbled when I was trying to explain.

 

“I meant seeing each other like boyfriends or… something.”

 

“I got what you meant the first time, Orihime. Ishida and I were together for a couple of months. It didn't work out though. He needed things I can't give him. We're back to being just friends. I think we're better as friends, really.”

 

“Oh,” I said, blinking in surprise. “Then you're… ahhh….”

 

“Into guys? Yeah. I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable, so I never said anything about it before. Not that it's anybody's business but mine when it comes to who I want to date,” Ichigo said with a shrug of his shoulders. There was a faint blush starting to burn across his nose.

 

“But you like girls, too, right?”

 

“As friends, sure. To date and kiss and… stuff? No.” Ichigo's ears were turning bright red and he was starting to look very uncomfortable.

 

“But you like me, don't you?” I persisted, clinging to a fragile thread of hope.

 

“Well, yeah. You're a really good friend and we've been through a lot together. Of course I like you. The same way I like Rukia or Tatsuki. You're a good, solid friend that I know I can trust anytime, anywhere.”

 

“But not a girlfriend. As in someone you're dating, girlfriend.”

 

I watched the light of understanding dawn in Ichigo's eyes and turn to a kind of horror usually reserved for when giant bugs landed on you. I had my answer right there. My heart squeezed painfully hard and I swear I heard it shattering into a million pieces at my feet. I blinked rapidly. I was not going to cry in front of Ichigo. I didn't think he knew I loved him in that way and I didn't want him to start feeling guilty because he couldn't love me back like I wanted him to.

 

“I'm sorry, Orihime. I didn't know you… I'd die to keep you safe. You know that, right?”

 

I nodded my head. I loved Ichigo with my entire being. I wanted to be with him. Ichigo made a frustrated noise in his throat and dragged a hand through his hair.

 

“Look, I'm messed up in the head when it comes to relationship things. That's why it didn't work with me and Ishida. I'm involved with…” Ichigo cut himself off and muttered something under his breath. “I'm really sorry I can't be what you want me to be, but I can't change the way I am. I never meant to hurt you, Orihime. You have to believe that. I didn't know you felt that way about me or I'd have said something sooner to you about which way I swung.”

 

I nodded again. No, Ichigo would never do anything on purpose to hurt me or any of his friends. He hadn't known how I felt because I'd never interested him in that way. Nothing I did would change that either. I wasn't stupid. You didn't get to choose the sex of the people who attracted you. It just was. Like your hair colour or eye colour or how tall you grew. I drew in a steadying breath. I needed to put on a brave face or Ichigo was going to beat himself up for something that wasn't his fault and something he couldn't change. I still loved him regardless of how hopeless it was and I couldn't let him do that to himself.

 

“Thank you for telling me, Kurosaki-kun. We'd better go or we'll be late for our next class.”

 

Ichigo looked like he wanted to say something, but I turned and headed for the door before he got the chance. Nothing he could say would make any difference and I wasn't sure how long I could hold myself together before bursting into tears. I hugged my books to my chest and decided I'd make up some excuse about forgetting something before going into the next class, then just go home to have myself a good, long cry over my shattered dreams.