Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Different Circumstances ❯ The Question ( Chapter 7 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine.

 

The Question.

 

Zaraki moved close and looked in the box, curiously. He raised his brow and said, “It's just food. What's the problem?”

 

I placed the contents of the box on the bedside table. “I know Yumichika and Ikkaku have a sense of humour,” I said. “Look at the food they brought.”

 

Zaraki sat next to me, his thigh hard against mine and looked in the box. The touch of his skin against mine was more than welcome. I knew I had to eat, but I was going to eat fast. “It still looks like food to me. I'll ask again: What's the problem?”

 

“Look. Tai-no-shioyaki (grilled sea bream), Kobumaki (simmered kombu rolls), salted Kazukono (herring roe), Sekihan (red azuki beans rice), Ushio-jiru (Clam soup) and Tai-no-shashimi (raw sea bream slices). Does that tell you anything?” I thought naming the food would explain everything. Even just a few of those items would have been an indication of something, but to have so many together! I wondered how Ikkaku and Yumichika had obtained this combination at such short notice.

 

“They remembered I don't like natto?” Zaraki guessed. He was frowning at the food while rubbing his head, not understanding.

 

“Zaraki, think!” It seemed so obvious to me. How could he not know?

 

Zaraki thought for a moment and shook his head. “It means nothing to me. Are you going to eat this? I have other things I want to do instead of talking about food or playing guessing games.” His hand ran down my back slowly his eyes on me, not the food.

 

I moved away, a little, before I became sidetracked. I wanted to be sidetracked, but I was resisting. “This food is traditionally served at weddings,” I enlightened him.

 

“So? Oh, wait a minute. You mean Ikkaku and Yumichika deliberately went and chose this food? It must be a fluke. Why is it important?” There was a strange look on Zaraki's face. He was staring at the food, not like it was food but something else. I didn't want to know what that look might bode. I hoped he wouldn't be too angry with his spies.

 

“It doesn't matter. I'm hungry.” I started sipping the soup while it was still hot. It tasted good as the liquid slid down my throat, warming me, but not as much as being near Zaraki heated my blood.

 

Zaraki picked up the other container of clam soup. “If I'm staying here the night, I'd better eat,” he observed. “I haven't eaten since we came back. I think I lost my appetite. Food didn't seem important.”

 

I looked at Zaraki who was quickly swallowing the soup. He had almost finished the contents in two long gulps. “Do you mean you haven't slept or eaten since we arrived back?” I marvelled.

 

Zaraki frowned at me fiercely and picked up some herring roe, gulping it down, fast. I was not certain if the speed of his eating was an indication on hunger or lust. “It's not important if I've eaten or slept, woman. Eat, quickly. I want to do something on this bed other than eat.”

 

I drank the soup and ate some of the food. I didn't want to think about the future, except for the sex. I didn't want to think about why Zaraki's friends had provided this particular meal. Zaraki watched me eating and I watched him eat. He seemed hungry, quickly consuming rice and beans, choosing some of each selection that had been provided. My eyes were drawn to his mouth and I shivered as I remembered the things he could do to me with his lips. He finished the last piece of grilled sea bream. Watching his tongue emerge from his mouth to lick his fingers I couldn't resist him anymore.

 

“I've had enough.” Suddenly my hunger for food had vanished. I leant across and kissed the mouth I had been watching so avidly. His tongue found its way past my lips and into the sanctum of my mouth.

 

Zaraki quickly took off the sheet and pushed me down on the bed, entering me quickly. “Good,” he said, “because watching you eat, made me hungry for you,” he growled once he had penetrated me fully. “We were interrupted before. I don't want to be interrupted again.” He kissed me firmly as his body moved into mine, hard and fast.

 

I remembered his promise before my desire for food had overwhelmed my desire for him. “This isn't what you promised earlier,” I said panting hard. “I think I prefer this.” I didn't care; I just wanted to be joined with him.

 

“Promise. You keep talking about the promise.” He rolled onto his side and pulled me with him so I was facing him. “We'll play this game, for the moment.” He stopped all movement and we lay there, my hand stroking his chest, loving the feeling of being close to him.

 

“If it's a game, you made up the rules.” He had made the original suggestion for this type of sex. I'd hoped to fulfil another of his fantasies because I thought we both might enjoy it.

 

“It's not a game. I want you to feel an absence when I'm not inside you. I want you to lust for me, to be driven crazy by desire for me.” His voice was rough as he pushed a little further inside me.

His face was inches from mine and I yearned for his lips on mine. “What more can I say, Zaraki? I can't stop thinking about you, about how you make me feel. I want you to feel my absence when you're not deep inside me.” Why were we having this conversation? It seemed ridiculous.

 

We lay together, entwined as I felt his chest rise and fall against mine as he looked past my head, seemingly lost in thought. “I don't want to love you,” he said almost conversationally. “Love doesn't enter into my plans. It complicates things. Makes me vulnerable”

 

“Do you think I want to love you?” I was stung by his comments. He loved me, but didn't want to love me? That hurt me, but I had to admit secretly I felt the same. I had never wanted to love him, or anyone, again.

 

“I don't want to love you, but I have to love you. It's too late to change everything. I'm not sure I like all of it. I like the sex. It really enhances the sex, but all the other stuff? Not being able to sleep. Loss of appetite. That's a frigging nightmare. How long does this last?” Asking the question seemed to make Zaraki feel uncomfortable. He looked at me intently as he thrust into me once.

 

My body responded to his thrust but I wasn't sure if how to react to his words. “What are you saying, Zaraki? Haven't you felt like this before?”

 

“Felt like this before? Why would I feel like this before? I said it's a nightmare. Can't think straight. My thoughts keep returning to you. It plays havoc with strategy and planning. It was pretty bad while you were in the human world, but once I saw you again it got worse. I want to be inside you, fucking you all the time,” Zaraki's words hurt, excited and intrigued me.

 

I drew in a deep breath. “Are you saying I'm the first woman you've ever loved?” That seemed difficult to believe. He must have loved someone else. No one could be his age and fall in love, so quickly, for the first time.

 

“Damn you woman. Do you listen to what I say? Or course you're the first woman I've ever loved.” Zaraki began to thrust into me. “Do you want to know everything?”

 

“Of course. I thought you knew that.” Our conversation was again becoming bizarre. I shut my eyes, wanting to just experience the feeling. I was really enjoying how he was moving and kissed him hungrily. He paused as he kissed me in return, cupping my chin in his fingers as he pillaged my mouth.

 

“Now beg me Matsumoto. I want you to beg me again.” Zaraki urged me after the kiss finished. His hands were holding my breasts, his thumbs running over the nipples as the rest of his body remained motionless.

 

“I'm not ready to beg. You begged last time. You were about to lose control. I wish you had.” I wasn't quite ready to beg. Not yet.

 

Zaraki lay still, his thumbs still moving, made me ache with longing. “You beg me. You begged me before, in the bath house. It makes me hot for you when you beg. I know you really want me.”

 

“I want you. You know I want you. I want you more than any other man. I feel more for you than I did for Gin.” I started to move on him again, wanting the action, wanting to lose myself in the passion I felt for him.

 

“So you say. It's easy to say the words.” Zaraki lay there immobile as I moved against him. His expression was unreadable. He had seemed to freeze when I talked.

 

I became motionless. I didn't know what was going on. Zaraki was acting strangely. I wondered if it was the mention of my former lover. “What is it, Zaraki? I'm not lying. I don't want anyone but you.”

 

“What if Ichimaru came back? You admitted you loved him for years. What then?” Zaraki's voice was harsh and the words sounded as if they were forced out. He was refusing to meet my eyes with his.

 

I was startled at the question. Once maybe, the first day with Zaraki, I might have been torn. Now things were different. I loved Zaraki. Why would I return to Gin? He'd rejected me when I needed him. The man I was lying with had told me he loved me, and had made me feel all those repressed desires that I had denied for so long. Gin was no loss.

 

“What about all your previous lovers? What if any of them wanted you back? You say you love me now, but if one of them came sniffing around, how long would it be before you told me it was over?” Even though he was deep inside me, Zaraki sounded and acted like he was miles away.

 

I pondered the answer. Should I move away from him, or should I ask him to leave? “How many lovers do you think I've had?” I knew he wanted to know, but for some reason he was reticent about asking the question.

 

“I don't know. 50? 100? You don't have to tell me. I won't reject you. Tell me.” Zaraki was demanding the answer, now he thought he had a chance. He had moved away from me slightly.

 

“How many lovers have you had, Zaraki? If we are to be honest, I think you should answer first.” I wanted to know the answer. I didn't want to know the answer. The answer didn't matter. It did matter. I was mystified at the way my thoughts were running.

 

Zaraki pulled me close and began to push into me again. He did not speak. While I knew he was trying to distract me, I enjoyed the way he was doing it. I wrapped my arms around him, wanting him to continue but my mouth was not so cooperative. “Are you going to answer me, Zaraki?” I barely contained the moan as I said the words.

 

“Are you going to answer me, Matsumoto?” Zaraki's eyes caught mine in a stare that seemed both fierce and wondering.

 

I decided to be honest. I had promised not to lie and I hoped that he trusted me enough to accept what I was going to say. “You are the fourth man I've had sex with, and the second man I've loved.” Saying the words aloud sounded ridiculous.

 

“I told you I hate it when you lie,” Zaraki grated. His movements stilled and his expression became sober. He didn't believe me.

 

“Why does everyone assume I've had many lovers? Do you want to know their names? Is it important to you?” I was becoming angry again. He didn't believe me. He told me he loved me but he didn't trust me. Was that love? “I've had sex with Gin, Aizen, Renji a few times, and you. That's it.”

 

Zaraki crushed me close to his chest and I couldn't see his face. “You had sex with Gin and Aizen? At the same time?”

 

I could barely breathe he was holding me so close, but the embrace contained little warmth. “Not at the same time. You must really have a low opinion of me. I had sex with Aizen once and I don't want to go into the reasons. It was a bad experience. I don't want to remember.”

 

“Please don't let him ask,” I silently pleaded to whatever deity might be listening. “Please make him think about something else.”

 

“I want to know the reason you fucked Aizen. You will tell me, or I will leave.” Zaraki was still holding me when he made this threat. At least his arms were around me, but the embrace was no longer loving.

 

I resisted telling him. I didn't want him to know. His inability to accept the truth made him like the others; the people who would prefer to believe their own stories, their own theories, and spread unfounded rumours, rather than listen and try to understand the whole situation.

 

“Tell me.” Zaraki was gradually moving away from me. He had withdrawn from me and I felt desolate. I didn't want to tell him. I wanted him to accept my words and not question me anymore.

 

“I don't want to tell you. I don't want you to know that I was a fool. I made an error in judgement and I am ashamed that I was so stupid. You won't understand and then you'll hate me.” The shame I felt at the potential revelation made me feel slightly sick. I wanted Zaraki to hold me close, his body a reassurance against the memory.

 

“Last chance.” Zaraki's face seemed to be carved out of stone, his eyes as hard as his expression. I remembered another face looking at me like that. Zaraki may have still been holding me, but I felt alone.

 

I didn't want him to go. I hated him at that moment for his demands but I would tell him; it was a mistake, but he insisted on knowing. I gulped, knowing that once I had spoken this would change everything between us and it might mean that he would leave, disgusted by my imprudent behaviour. “I met Aizen one day when I was feeling sad.” Zaraki released his hold on me and slid across the bed, away from me. It surprised me he had not done so before. “He asked me what was wrong but I wouldn't tell him. He guessed I was missing Gin, and Aizen told me that he would talk to Gin on my behalf as it was obvious that I pined for him. He said that as Gin was once his lieutenant he might be able to convince him that we should get back together. I believed him. I was so gullible. He told me he would meet me in my quarters and let me know how Gin reacted. I still have trouble believing that I agreed.” Tears started leaking down my cheeks.

 

“Continue,” Zaraki said curtly, ignoring my tears, not even looking at me.

 

“He came back and told me that Gin never wanted to see me again. I later found out he hadn't talked to Gin at all. At the time I believed him. It was bad. I cried. Aizen seemed to be concerned. He held me while I cried. Eventually he kissed me on the forehead in a paternal way and then took me into the bedroom, telling me I should lie down as I was so upset. I thought he cared for me. In the bedroom he helped me undress and then, holding me down on the bed, raped me, viciously. He held me by the throat throughout. I know he enjoyed it. He told me how much he liked it.” I couldn't say any more as the tears choked my words.

 

I think I heard Zaraki's harsh intake of air, but he did not say anything. The rejection hurt, but I had expected it. This was one of the reasons I hadn't wished to talk of past lovers with anyone. I lay there silently crying. The memory of the rape and the rejection by Zaraki made my heart ache. Before I told Zaraki I loved him, I should have told him my past. I waited for him to leave.

 

The silence continued, but Zaraki did not move. He did not leave, nor did he say anything.

 

At length I gained control of my tears. I wiped my eyes on the back of my hand and glanced toward Zaraki who was sitting on the bed, looking at me. I could not read his expression. “You can go. You don't have to stay. I'd hoped that you would never find out, but you insisted I tell you. Do you want all the details? I can remember them clearly, if you really want to know.”

 

Zaraki shook his head, but continued his silence.

 

I sat up and hugged my knees. Rather than have him ask, I thought I'd quickly tell him the rest. I would not provide the details of the rape; that was something I still had trouble facing. The aftermath of the rape had been traumatic but the memory still gave me nightmares where I woke up choking. “I couldn't tell anyone. Why would they believe that kindly Captain Aizen had raped me? I'm not sure I would have believed it. Aizen told Gin that I'd begged him for sex and that was it, as far as Gin was concerned. He didn't ever really look at me after that and wouldn't talk to me except if it was on business. It was just as well. I couldn't have handled it if he'd touched me.” I fell silent. There was no point in saying anything else. I shut my eyes, trying to shut out the harsh memories. After this I would need time to readjust. Zaraki would be leaving soon and I wanted the peace.

 

I felt the bed shift under Zaraki's weight and his hands gently grasped mine. Opening my eyes I saw that Zaraki had kept his distance but was now holding my hands gently in his own.

 

“If that prick was here I'd rip his guts out and make him eat them,” he said eventually. His voice was hoarse while his hands continued to hold mine.

 

“Which prick? Aren't you going to leave? You moved away fast enough once you'd heard about Aizen.” I didn't want his pity. I wanted his love.

 

“Aizen. Gin. Both of them. Why would I leave? Hearing what you said made me feel bad because of how we first had sex. Damn it, Matsumoto. How was I supposed to know?” Zaraki seemed to be angry but I wasn't sure to whom the anger was directed.

 

“You weren't. I don't want people to know. The first time with you, for a brief moment reminded me of Aizen, but your hand was on my throat only seconds. When you saw you were causing me pain, you stopped immediately. It made Aizen laugh when he hurt me and continued to hurt me. I wanted you so much; I didn't want him at all. I lied to myself about it, but couldn't deny my need. You still had sex with me, but you tried not to hurt me. You made sure, disinterested though you seemed to be, that I enjoyed it. Yes, you took advantage of a situation, but I caused the situation. As you said, I could have stopped you earlier, but I didn't.” I thought I'd said enough.

 

Zaraki listened to my words thoughtfully. He seemed to be thinking about what he should say. “So, how did you get over it? You don't seem to mind me touching you. You enjoy sex. What or who helped you get over the rape?”

 

“Two things. My friends. I've never told them what happened, and they never asked. I was too ashamed at my stupidity. If I told them, I was scared I would lose their respect. They were there for me. They'd comfort me when I cried for no reason. As you've noticed they're men. They would hold me when I was scared, not wanting anything in return except friendship. At first I couldn't let them near me, but they kept talking to me, just being their normal selves. One day when I was crying at home, Captain Ukitake came by to talk and offered me his shoulder. He didn't touch me, but let me touch him just let me hold him while I cried. He had to go home and change his uniform afterward because I cried so much. That was the first turning point. It took a long time but I became comfortable with my friends after that. They've always been so gentle with me. I think some of them guessed something happened, but they never asked. That helped.” I paused, remembering all the kindness I had been shown.

 

“And the second,” Zaraki prompted. His hands were warming me as he held my cold hands within his. I needed that so badly because remembering the rape made me feel so cold and dead inside.

 

“Renji. Renji and I got drunk one night.”

 

“I don't understand. How did that help?” Zaraki was frowning and shaking his head. I didn't really want to explain, but I knew he would insist.

 

“Despite his behaviour, Renji is really a very compassionate guy. When I said we got drunk I drank much more than he did. I wanted to try to have sex again so I drank a lot because I was scared of sex. Renji was interested and we kissed. While we were kissing, he noticed my reactions were odd and he asked me what was wrong, so I told him. If I had been sober I would never have mentioned it.” I stopped, remembering his reaction. Renji believed me but didn't know what to do. Aizen had been his previous captain and Renji knew the respect in which he was held. At the time he was in 11th Division. He was angry at his inability to act.

 

“What happened after you talked?” Zaraki's question was quiet, but intense. I had to tell him the rest.

 

“If it hadn't been for my friends it wouldn't have happened. They started the process by treating me like caring brothers treat an injured sister. Renji treated me like a desirable woman. The first night Renji didn't try to have sex with me. He was very gentle and held me for hours, talking about unimportant things, telling me stupid jokes, until I began to relax. He was aroused, he didn't try to hide it but he didn't try to compel me. Just kissed me, held me, and allowed me to get used to feeling a man's body close to mine. We slept together that night, just slept, nothing more. I think he must have been through that with someone else because he seemed to know how to make me loosen up. I found it very difficult. The next night he showed up at my place and made me drink enough to relax, but not become drunk. Once I was relaxed, he undressed us both and held me again, his body against mine. After a while he began to fondle me, very gently. He was patient. After a while I noticed I began to welcome his hands, rather than flinch from them. We didn't have sex, but eventually, he made me come. I was so happy, I cried. I thought Aizen had taken that from me, my ability to enjoy sex. I'd been celibate for a long time until Renji. The next night Renji and I had sex properly. It was a revelation.”

 

“Then why are you with me and not with Abarai?”

 

“I didn't love Renji, except as a friend. He's a good lover, but I prefer you. I love you. Our affair fizzled out quickly because I knew Renji loved someone else. I asked him why he helped me and he just made goofy faces at me and said he always wanted to see what I looked like naked. At the time he had been warned against approaching the person he really loved, and he was feeling lonely. We were friends. He's still a good friend. Now, please I don't want to talk of this anymore.”

 

A frown furrowed Zaraki's brow. “Who does Abarai love?” he demanded.

 

“Rukia, of course. I thought everyone knew that. You can leave now your curiosity is satisfied.” I sighed, trying to remove my hands from his.

 

Zaraki lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my palm. “Why would I want to leave?”

 

“I saw your reaction when I told you I was raped.” Was his memory really that short? He didn't want a person who was scarred by that experience; or a person who had lain, even unwillingly, with two of the traitors.

 

“I reacted because of how we first had sex. I felt guilty. I hate that.” He was frowning again and his eyes would not meet mine.

 

“Hell Zaraki. I needed you to hold me. I needed comfort when I told you.” It struck me how unaware Zaraki was. He didn't seem to know much about women, except how to please them sexually.

 

At my words, Zaraki let go of my hand and gathered me to him. “Matsumoto, beloved. I'm not good at this love crap. I don't know about relationships. I even hate the sound of the word. We are not having a relationship, understand? I don't know what it is, but I won't use that word.”

 

“I don't know either.” My head was resting against his chest. I again could hear the regular thud of his heart beating as he held me.

 

“If I meet Aizen, I promise I will kill the evil bastard slowly.”

 

“That's not what I want. I don't want to think about him. I want to lose myself so completely in another person that the past seems inconsequential. I thought for a moment that you might help me lose myself.” I hesitated before I said the last few words.

 

“Why aren't I the one?” Zaraki seemed unhappy with my comments.

 

“How can I tell? We hardly know each other. We don't know how to act with each other.” I felt like crying. I was killing our affair all over again.

 

“Bloody hell, woman. I love you. Isn't that enough? What more do you want?” Zaraki seemed genuinely confused at my words. He kissed me, a gentle sweet kiss. The kiss seemed to say all the things Zaraki could not.

 

“Now do you understand?” he said once the kiss was finished. “I don't give a fuck how long we've known each other, or if this is a mistake, or any of the other stupid obstacles you can think of. I am in your life now. You can't make me leave. I'm in your bed and I'm staying. You are staying in my arms. I'm keeping you here until you tell me you love me and we fuck.” I looked at him and saw that he was serious. He tightened his arms around me when I moved. “I'm not letting go.”

 

I knew from my brief experience that there was no point in delaying what would inevitably happen. “I love you, Zaraki.”

 

“Don't forget it. You stay with me.”

 

“Until you're bored,” I hastily interjected. That had been the case all along. Until Zaraki became bored. I loved him. He said he loved me. How would I keep him interested?

 

“You'll just have to make sure I don't get bored, won't you? That should keep you busy. We have to make a decision”.

 

“What is it?” I didn't feel like making any decisions. I just wanted to feel his arms around me. I still didn't believe he was here.

 

“I think we have to decide if we want to continue what we started or if we should avoid it. Each time we've tried to lie together until one of us begs the other, something happens.” I wasn't sure if he was joking. He was right. The first time we lay together I had confessed. Maybe it was better just to give into passion.

 

“We could try it again and you could tell me about your lovers,” I grinned wickedly, knowing that he wouldn't want to tell me anything tonight.

 

Zaraki lowered his head and kissed me lingeringly. “No. Now, do you want to sleep or do you want to screw?”

 

“Sleep,” I said for the pleasure of watching his expression. He did not seem happy at my decision.

 

“Are you sure? I thought we had unfinished business.” His hands had strayed to my breasts and I noticed a new tenderness in his touch. He was careful to caress me gently.

 

“I won't break, Zaraki. We've had sex a few times. I think I can cope with your normal handling.” I felt like teasing him as my hand stole downwards to caress his erection.

 

“If you want, we can fulfil another of your fantasies tonight. You can suck me, but I have to have full access to you while you do it. Is that what you want?” The offer was made as if he were conferring a great favour.

 

I became immediately aroused at the thought. I loved it when Zaraki licked me. I became wet just thinking about his tongue tasting me while I tasted him.

 

“You get on top. I want to start licking you now. Come on. You know you want me to do this.”

 

I quickly got onto my knees and moved astride Zaraki and I lowered my mouth to his engorged penis. As I started to take him in my mouth he parted my nether lips and started to lick me slowly, lingeringly. For a moment I was distracted by how good his tongue felt, but then became absorbed by how his penis felt in my mouth.

 

I remembered from last time how large he was so I began to run my tongue around the head of his penis, noticing it seemed to swell under my tongue. I grasped the base in my hand to keep it steady as I ran my tongue down the length, grazing his sac and then sliding my tongue slowly up to the top. I repeated this process until I had licked all of his length and width, marvelling at how much there was to service.

 

Zaraki avoided my clitoris at first. His tongue explored the rest, touching here, licking there. I could feel his fingers touching me as well as his tongue. Then he slowly using just the tip of his tongue licked my entrance. I gasped for a moment as I felt it slide in, just a little. I had to pause to recover my breath before I could continue but he must have decided he liked the reaction because he pushed it in again, just a little further. I almost gave in and begged him immediately, but that would have spoiled the game.

 

At the same time I was licking his penis, savouring the feel of it against my tongue. I tried to concentrate on what I was doing, but I kept becoming distracted by his tongue. Finally I stretched my mouth wide and started sucking him. When I took the head of his penis in my mouth, he stopped licking me long enough to groan. I alternated, between sucking and licking, knowing he was enjoying it.

 

Zaraki stopped toying with me. His lips sought my clit and he alternately began to suck me gently, a finger tormentingly lingering over the entrance, not entering, just pretending to enter me and then pulling back. My vision started to blur and I began to have trouble concentrating. He was touching me in all the right places.

 

“Tell me you want to come.” I hadn't expected him to talk to me.

 

“Only if you tell me the same. I want you to come.” I had to remove him from my mouth to answer but quickly began sucking him again, wanting to feel him against my tongue. Almost as if he took this as a sign, Zaraki began to push his penis in and out of my mouth. I continued to lick him as he did that, as much as possible. At the same time he began to suck me harder. I clamped my mouth on his penis and began to move my mouth up and down in a frenzied pace. My hands caressed his balls which had tightened and I knew he was so close.

 

With a yell of “Matsumoto” Zaraki came in my mouth, his juices flooding it. I swallowed, enjoying the taste and the power. I had won our undeclared contest but I was still so excited that I almost wished I had come at the same time.

 

“Get on you back. I haven't finished with you yet,” Zaraki said a few minutes later when he had recovered his breath. I lay on my back, parting my legs for him. In stead of returning to what he had been doing, he kissed my stomach slowly and licked it. It was not what I expected. I'd hoped he would finish pleasuring me, soon.

 

“What are you doing, Zaraki? I thought you were going to make me come with your mouth.”

 

“I have other plans now. It's been too long since you were begging me. I want you to beg. I told you before; hearing you beg makes me hot. If I lick you, you won't beg me. Anyway I need time to recover. I must be inside you again.” His mouth moved upwards to my breasts and he began to tug on my nipples with his mouth and fingers. I was so aroused. What would he do this time if I begged? I moaned and arched my back as he continued to work on my breasts. He started to bite the nipple gently. I wanted him to continue. I looked down at his face. He saw my glance and he gazed at me, his eyes burning with passion. “Beg me. Beg me, beloved.”

 

“No. I'm not ready to beg.” I didn't want to beg. No matter how much he was exciting me.

 

One of Zaraki's hands travelled down and he began to stroke me as his lips moved up to my shoulders, my neck. “I'll make you beg. You are so wet. You want me to fuck you, don't you?” He began to lick my neck, aware of how I would react.

 

My hand reached down and encountered his penis, semi erect. I stroked him, feeling his erection become larger the longer I touched it. His lips on his neck, his fingers touching me, shattered my resolve. “Please Zaraki. I'm begging you. Please.” I couldn't deny him any further.

 

Zaraki moved so he could kiss me and then plunged his erection into me hard and fast, taking me with a mix of tenderness and passion. It was unexpected, but made me feel so stimulated. He was smiling at me as he looked down at me, thrusting his penis into me.

 

“More, please, more.” I was still begging.

 

“I told you I get hot when you beg,” he said withdrawing slightly and then building a steady and fast rhythm. A few more strokes and I lost control, screaming his name over again as my vision blurred and my body convulsed under his. I could not believe the intensity of my orgasm. I felt caught up. Zaraki continued to plunge into me. After a short time I became aroused again from the friction and the desire. His desire became my desire and I met his thrusts with pleasure. The heat built between us and I came again as he found his release, yelling my name.

 

“Kiss me Matsumoto,” Zaraki ordered me when I became aware of my surroundings again. We kissed gently.

 

I rested my head on his chest. I wanted to be close to him. Exhausted by the emotion, the events and the sex, I fell asleep.

 

“Matsumoto. Matsumoto. Cover yourself, lieutenant.” The demanding voice of my captain echoed through my dream.

 

“Later, Toshiro. Come back in the next dream,” I mumbled trying to stay in the dream I was having. I was dreaming Zaraki had told me he loved me. If I woke up I'd probably find that all the events of last night were a fantasy.

 

“Matsumoto. Wake up. Put a sheet over you or something,” Toshiro's voice insisted. I opened my eyes. I was lying in my bed in Zaraki's arms. We were completely exposed. I knew I wasn't dreaming. Reaching down the side of the bed I grabbed the sheet that Zaraki had been wearing last night and spread it over both of us. Zaraki was awake by this time and grinned at me.

 

Toshiro stood in the doorway once we were covered. His face was expressionless except for the look of weary acceptance in his eyes.

 

“What do you want Captain,” Zaraki said. He seemed very relaxed and held me close.

 

“I want my lieutenant.”

 

Zaraki tensed at the words, drawing me even closer to him in a possessive gesture, a scowl forming on his face.

 

Toshiro crossed his arms and leaned on the door jam. “Not like that. She's meant to be helping me. I gave permission to remain home yesterday on the proviso that she would return to work today. When she failed to appear, I thought something may have happened. I see that it did, but not what I expected.”

 

“I apologise, Captain, but your lieutenant is unavailable today.” Zaraki spoke the words confidently as he stroked my back. “Now you are here I would like to ask you a question.”

 

Toshiro sighed and his face assumed an expression of formality. “You do not have the right to inform me that a member of my division is unavailable to me, Captain Zaraki. Our recent conversations have been interesting. Because of that, and because I feel that your question will affect me considerably, I will answer one question.”

 

“Captain, do I have your permission to marry your lieutenant?”

 

I was not sure who experienced more shock. Looking at Zaraki, I saw his eyes turn from my captain to me, and he kissed me gently on the forehead. I wished he had asked me first because this request was totally unexpected.

 

Toshiro was shaking his head. “This is highly irregular. I believe the correct protocol is you ask the question while fully dressed and in a formal manner. Not while you are naked and in bed with the potential bride. Matsumoto, do want to marry this man? Do you love him?”

 

“Yes.” I did not whisper. I answered clearly and proudly.

 

“I suppose you love my lieutenant, Captain. How this happened, I don't know. You've been together for 3-4 days at most. When I first asked you weren't even sure you liked each other.”

 

I looked pleadingly at Toshiro. He sighed and rubbed his chin. “You have my permission on the following conditions. I won't pay for the wedding, because I think this is a mistake. Matsumoto remains my lieutenant and concentrates on her work. I suppose I'll have to give you some leave for a honeymoon. Why now, when it's vital that we are concentrating on the threat? You will also need permission from the Captain-General.”

 

“Thank you Captain Hitsugaya. Now could you leave? I think we should get dressed and see the Captain-General as soon as possible. I want this completed as quickly as possible. There is no reason for delay. As you mentioned, we need to be able to concentrate.” Zaraki was taking this seriously. I was a little bewildered by how fast this was moving. Married to Zaraki? I'd never thought of it.

 

Toshiro shrugged. “I'll wait outside. I think I should accompany you to the Captain-General. I don't know what his reaction will be.”

 

My captain left the room and I heard the door close. Zaraki kissed me yearningly. “Will you, Matsumoto?”

 

“Will I what? You have to be clear, Zaraki. You keep trying to arrange things without asking me. First you try to get me to move to your division and now you want to what?” I wanted him to ask me properly, not as an afterthought. If he really asked me, maybe I would know he wanted this.

 

“You've said you love me. I unwillingly love you. Logically we should marry.” Zaraki looked at me very seriously as he stated his opinion. I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

 

“You're such a romantic Zaraki. Unwillingly love; you really know how to make me swoon at your words. Marriage isn't logical at all. I think too much sex has fogged your brain.” Zaraki's reaction to my words was another kiss, a searching one where his tongue entered my mouth, licking, caressing, as his hands stroked my back. I thought briefly that Zaraki shouldn't speak. His actions always convinced me more than his words. “Okay. If you're going to use that argument, I'll marry you. This was supposed to be about sex, Zaraki. How did it go from sex to marriage?”

 

“You still get the sex. Are you interested in some now?” He grinned at me lasciviously. I could feel his erection pressing against me.

 

For a moment I forget anything except how he was making me feel. Then I remembered. I interrupted as his hands roamed over my breasts. “My captain is waiting outside to escort us to the Captain-General. I don't think we have time.”

 

“Just a quick one. I want you again.”

 

My reply was interrupted by a knock at the front door. “I think that Captain Hitsugaya is becoming impatient. Maybe later.”

 

“Not too much later.” Zaraki kissed me and released me. We dressed quickly. Zaraki did not have his eye patch or his bells. His hair remained down.

 

As we emerged from the front of the house we found that not only my captain was awaiting us. Ikkaku was also there, conversing with my captain. “Did you like your meal last night, Ran?” He interrupted his conversation when he saw me. His smile showed he was fully aware what the contents of the box could mean.

 

“Under different circumstances I'd challenge you now.” I was feeling very uncertain how 11th Division would react to their captain marrying, especially me.

 

“Can't have the bride challenging the best man, can we?” Ikkaku was grinning even more widely, his eyes moving between his captain and me.

 

“I'm not a bride. We're not getting married today. We're just asking for permission.” Why were they assuming it would happen so soon?

 

Zaraki glanced at my captain who gave him a small wicked smile. He's obviously told Ikkaku what was planned.

 

“What makes you think you're the best man? She's marrying me after all. I'm the best man. Maybe we need to work this out now.” Zaraki seemed to be particularly unaware about weddings. Didn't he know what a best man was? Noticing our questioning stares, Zaraki threw back his head and laughed. “Knew you'd think that. Yeah, Ikkaku. You can be the best man, whenever we get married.”

 

Zaraki bent to pick me up and carry me. My captain interrupted. “Matsumoto should walk. You shouldn't carry her everywhere Captain. It looks peculiar.”

 

“I like carrying her. I get to feel her close to me. Okay, if you insist.” Zaraki placed me on my feet and took my hand.

 

“Are you really going to visit the Captain-General like that? What about your eye patch? Your bells?” Ikkaku looked at Zaraki with concern.

 

“I'm not going to fight him. I'm only asking permission. Why do I need them?” Looking at Ikkaku, Zaraki raised an eyebrow.

 

“No reason. Forget I mentioned it.” Ikkaku squirmed uneasily at his captain's scrutiny.

 

When we arrived at the Captain-General's office, I was amazed to see all of the captains were present. What did this mean?

 

“I received your message Captain Hitsugaya. I thought I should convene a full Captain's meeting in light of the situation.” The Captain-General did not look pleased. “Captain Zaraki: explain yourself.”

 

“What's to explain? I want to marry her,” he said pointing at me. There was a collective gasp as Zaraki spoke.

 

“Captain Zaraki, I thought we spoke of this before,” Captain Kuchiki said.

 

“Not about marriage. Only about sex. You told me what you thought and I ignored it, Kuchiki. It's still none of your business. I don't tell you what to do about your sister and lieutenant, do I?” I wished Zaraki hadn't said that. Captain Kuchiki's expression turned to ice.

 

“What don't you tell me to do about my sister and my lieutenant?” His voice was as cold as his expression.

 

I shook my head at Zaraki. “Don't tell him,” I thought. He ignored me.

 

“Your lieutenant loves your sister. I suppose she loves him. If you want to mess in other people's love lives, maybe you could do it closer to home. By the way, if you try and break them up, I will cut you. I owe a debt to Abarai that you wouldn't understand.” Zaraki took my hand in his as he spoke.

 

I was astonished. Was Zaraki getting soft? Wanting to intercede for another guy? Then I realised what he meant. He was thinking about how Renji helped me. I felt my face redden at the understanding.

 

Captain Kuchiki bit his lip and paled. He lowered his eyes so I could not read their expression. I hoped he would remember Zaraki's threat.

 

“Lieutenant Rangiku, are you entering this marriage of your free will?” Captain Kyouraku's question was firm but careful. He considered me carefully as if he didn't know me very well.

 

“Yes. I have freely agreed to the proposal.” There was no point in denying it.

 

“Captain Zaraki, are you sure you want this? You don't have to marry.” Captain Fon curled her lip in disgust as she asked the question. She appeared not to approve of the idea of our marriage.

 

“I want this. I have made up my mind” was Zaraki's response.

 

“Not thinking of changing it?” The question came from Captain Komamura.

 

“How often do I change my mind?” The Captains looked at each other and nodded at Zaraki's words. He was not known for his flexible nature.

 

“You hardly know each other, why do you want to marry? Why not wait for a while?” Captain Unohana asked in her calm reasonable manner.

 

“Why wait? I said I want to marry her. I told you I won't change my mind.” Zaraki was beginning to lose his patience.

 

“Why do you want to marry?” Captain Kurotsuchi asked curiously.

 

“I love him.” I decided it was my turn to answer a question. Why were they asking so many questions? Couldn't they just agree?

 

“Why do I have to give a reason?” Zaraki did not appear to be coping very well with the questions.

 

“Do you both realise that the Seireitei is under threat? We have to be ready for an attack. Strategy should be our focus. This is not the time to be planning weddings or having parties.” The Captain-General made the point sternly. He did not seem impressed with our plans.

 

“Excuse me, sir. I don't care about any of that. It's not important. I want to marry without fuss, as soon as possible.” I spoke loudly. I do not know where that came from, but now I had agreed to marry Zaraki, I wanted it to happen. The Captain-General looked at me keenly.

 

“Ikkaku Madarame and Matsumoto Rangiku, please wait outside. We need to discuss this privately.” The Captain-General was firm, but I smarted under the words. How could they decide my future without me?

 

I caught sight of a wink from Captain Ukitake and knew that he and Captain Kyoraku would speak on my behalf.

 

Outside the office, I had a chance to talk to Ikkaku. “Why the food last night? I don't understand.”

 

“You weren't with Zaraki the day after you left. I've never seen him in a mood as foul as that before. He nearly killed a trainee for looking at him. I brought him food and he threw it at me, refusing to eat, telling me to leave him alone. Luckily I got out of the way, especially when he threw the hot tea at me. When your Captain came to visit, he brightened for a moment. Then your captain asked where you were and his mood got even worse. He almost threw Captain Hitsugaya out of the office and I don't know why he didn't get into a mess because of that. Then he muttered to himself most of the afternoon, refusing to work or talk to any of us. Yachiru ended up in tears when he yelled at her for asking a question.”

 

“He hadn't slept.” Why I was trying to explain Zaraki's behaviour was beyond me.

 

“It was more than that. I've seen him when he hasn't slept before; it's happened a number of times. This was the worst mood I've ever seen. Yumichika even did the paperwork without asking and you know we all hate to do that. He said he thought if he removed some of the stacks it would calm the Captain down, but it didn't. I decided that he better get back with you, quickly. Another day like that and someone would have died. It took some time and lots of patience, but I finally convinced him to visit you. He wanted to; he was too proud to admit it, even to himself. When he asked for food at your place, I thought I'd try to give him a hint. He's been alone too long.” Ikkaku's concern for his Captain was revealed by his words.

 

I laughed. “He didn't understand your hint. I had to explain it to him.”

 

“Yeah, I know that. Sometimes you have to spell things out with him. But he took the hint. That's why you're here now.” Ikkaku leant against the wall, rubbing his head.

 

Nerving myself, I asked the question for which I feared the answer. “How does 11th Division feel about Zaraki getting married?”

 

“None of them have guessed except Yumichika, Yachiru and me. Yachiru is not happy. She hates the idea. You'll have to work that out later, but it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If it's Captain Zaraki's choice, everyone will accept it. He doesn't like to be questioned about his decisions.” He grinned at me in a conspiratorial manner.

 

“I've noticed. How long do you think they'll talk for?” I nodded toward the door. I was feeling nervous.

 

“It depends. If the captain keeps his temper we shouldn't be kept waiting too long. Hey, you're a lieutenant; you know how long these meetings last. If he starts to yell, and he could, we might have a problem. Don't worry. If you marry the captain, will you be moving to our division?” Ikkaku looked concerned at the thought.

 

“No, I want to stay with 10th. Anyway, there is no place for me. I don't want to put anyone out. I suppose I could, but I like working with my captain. He's like my brother.” It was amazingly easy to talk to Ikkaku. We had built up a rapport while in the human world, even though he had been spying on me. “Why did you tell Zaraki about the skirt incident?”

 

Ikkaku scratched his ear and avoided looking at me. “My first loyalty is to my Captain. If I hadn't told him, he would have killed me. He almost killed me for not stopping you. Don't put me in that position again, okay?” He seemed nervous at the thought of having to explain anything like that to Zaraki again.

 

The door opened. “Enter now. The decision has been made.”

 

We entered. I felt very nervous. My eyes searched for Zaraki. His head was bent and my heart sank. Hearing my footsteps he turned, looked at me and then smiled.

 

“Let's get on with this. Lieutenant Rangiku, stand in front of me. Captain Zaraki, stand beside her. Now hold hands.” The Captain-General issued the orders in a bland voice. I followed the instructions without thinking. He was going to tell me the decision. Zaraki squeezed my hand and I found the pressure of his fingers comforting.

 

“In the full assembly of these captains, I ask do you, Lieutenant Matsumoto Rangiku, accept Captain Kenpachi Zaraki as your spouse?”

 

I gaped at the Captain-General. What was he saying? Zaraki nudged me, not too gently in the ribs. “Ur, yes. Why?”

 

“In front of the full assembly of these captains, I ask do you, Captain Kenpachi Zaraki, accept Lieutenant Matsumoto Rangiku as your spouse?”

 

“Yes.” Zaraki's voice was firm.

 

“We have agreed as a council that this marriage is valid. You are now husband and wife.” The Captain-General smiled at us both as I realised what had happened.

 

“You mean we're married now? That's it?” I turned to the Captain-General trying to seek reassurance.

 

“Yes. You may kiss your bride, Captain Zaraki.” The Captain General brusquely answered my question before Zaraki embraced and kissed me passionately. The kiss finished, Zaraki lifted me in his arms.

 

I saw my captain shaking his head as Zaraki picked me up. I knew why Zaraki wanted to carry me. He ran faster than I could and I was pretty sure he wanted sex.

 

“Right. We're leaving. If you interrupt me in the next week, it better be because the Arrancar are here, otherwise I don't want to know. Ikkaku, I hope you made sure there's plenty of food in my house.” Having delivered his speech, Zaraki began to move toward the door.

 

“Because of the state of emergency I agreed that you could marry today. I didn't say anything about allowing you a week's leave, Captain Zaraki. I grudgingly will allow you the next two days. You may have your honeymoon once the Arrancar are defeated.” The Captain-General was firm.

 

Zaraki scowled. “Two days? Make it three.”

 

“Two days only. I need both of you working. Once we finalise our preparations I might consider an additional day.” The Captain-General did not budge, but he smiled at Zaraki. “I'll let you have tomorrow and the next day. As it is still morning, you have today as well. That makes three days, almost.”

 

Zaraki nodded, without smiling. “Okay. I'm not happy, but I won't argue now. I meant what I said about interruptions. If I've only got three days, I might kill anyone who barges in.”

 

“What about the celebration? Don't you want a party?” Captain Unohana's quiet voice asked. She seemed slightly disturbed by the marriage. I wondered why.

 

“I'm not really interested at the moment. Ask me in three days.” Zaraki's reply was perfunctory as he carried me out the door and began hurrying toward his place.

 

“Are we really married?” As he carried me to his house, I had to ask the question of Zaraki.

 

“Yeah. You said you didn't care about fuss and you wanted to marry me as soon as possible. I agreed. Why wait? A few people argued, but your captain and your friends really helped. Oh, yeah, the fact that you're not screwing all those guys in now known by all the captains. Your friends spoke on your behalf and somehow the whole story came out about you only being friends. I told all the captains that if we didn't marry, you would move in with me anyway. I also told them you were pregnant. That seemed to shut up a number of them.” Zaraki was moving swiftly toward his place.

 

“Zaraki you lied. I'm not pregnant. You told me you hated lies.” This was all moving too fast. Married already? Zaraki lying?

 

“How do you know? You could be. It wasn't really a lie, because we don't know. We're going to practice. Lots of practice. I want to keep screwing you. It doesn't matter if you don't get pregnant. Probably a good idea if you don't. Means we'll have to keep having sex. The next three days are going to be busy. Better make sure I have plenty of oil. If you want to keep that uniform you better start undoing it. I won't make it to the bedroom before I need to get inside you again. If there was a deserted place near, we'd be fucking by now.”

 

I shivered slightly at his words. I wanted the practice, but I wasn't sure about the rest of it. Babies? Marriage? Three days of sex? Damn it. What had I agreed to? Would this even work?

 

Zaraki stopped and kissed me. “Don't worry about it Matsumoto, beloved.” We were now at his house. “This is where the fun really begins,” he said as he carried me over the threshold.

 

_________________________________________________________________ _______

 

A.N.

 

Review, please.